Hero

  We reached the end of the forest and entered the plains by the end of the day. A spider ate me, I hated spiders. But luckily it was an adult. The children swarmed and hurt all over. The big ones numb you, then eat you.

  Dorknozzle tried to fight it. He won and I wondered if I was just meant to be weak when a literal dog companion could win against these things.

  “Wow! It’s so big! I can’t wait for it to go inside me!” Bloom said with wide eyes.

  I looked over at her. “You mean go inside of it.” I corrected her wording.

  She looked at me puzzled. “Why would I want to go inside your di…”

  “ her off. Turns out Bloom had a mouth on her. I figured that out during the plants when she started moaning when they were chewing on her. The longer we spent together, the more sexual she got. Surprisingly rare in this world.

  Usually they started at eight on the sexual scale and tried to reach eleven when the max was ten. Bloom started at one, then skyrocketed to fifteen on the second plant monster.

  Walking up to the large open gate, which had a super long line at all times of citizens or something going in or out. Which was kind of insane when you considered all entrances and exits to this Kingdom were surrounded by extremely dangerous monsters. I think they just teleported or something.

  Walking past them, I was stopped by a guard. “Halt! Where is your permit?” He said with his serious guard voice.

  “Permit?!” I said as if I was confused. My head tilted in puzzlement and I looked very lost. The guard looked at me disapprovingly. I grinned and asked “Where is your permit?”

  He froze and suddenly looked nervous. “That is.. Not important. I am a guard, we don’t need permits!” He stammered out.

  My grin widened. “I don’t know, sounds to me like you're just pretending to be a guard!”

  The guard now looked absolutely lost. I decided to put the mimic guard out of its misery. I stabbed it in the head and it turned into a blob. It tried to jump at me and I just grabbed it in a hug and immolated. It tried to escape, but the magic flames burned it to a crisp.

  I fell for that mimic type exactly once. They had multiple flaws. My favorite was that they had weird googly eyes no matter what form they took. They also had a high pitch tone. It was the funniest thing. It also meant a guard was recently eaten by that mimic. Which made it even funnier to me. These guards were so damn stupid.

  I looked over at Bloom, who was looking down. I rolled my eyes and walked past the other guards and into the kingdom. As expected, no one even glanced at my nudity. Immolate really sucks sometimes, but aside from bloom staring, it wasn’t a big deal.

  Of course, she cared little that I was naked, only that she now had a clear view of what she wanted. One of a very few small bonuses in this world is there was never a lack of partners. Even if they were all equally terrible in bed. Then again.. I hadn’t tried Alissa yet, I was almost excited.. And terrified. We would be using those chains… I hoped.

  The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

  We made our way to the castle gates and walked directly through. The gates were open wide during the day. As if intruders only came at night. I made it up to the door and went to press on it but paused. Where was Ruby? Usually she had knocked me over by now.

  I tensed slightly before looking around. Nothing else seemed out of place. Ruby not being here was such a red flag to me. I tapped on the castle doors almost hesitantly. Appearing inside, I looked around. Once again, there was nothing.

  After a long moment Bloom spoke up. “Wow! So this is the Emerald Castle? It’s even prettier inside. Mother said we would eventually visit.”

  I turned to look at her as she looked at the castle waiting room in awe. I snorted and shook my head. “That woman probably meant conquer.”

  Bloom seemed hurt by the words, but not upset. She nodded, "You are probably right, General Hero.”

  I ignored her and went straight towards the throng room. I might have stopped to grab some clothes. But my clothes had already regenerated from the immolation. My immolation was one of the few things that could destroy my clothing.

  I reached the doors to the throne room and tapped the door. Appearing on the other side, I walked down the long red carpet to the throne. The ‘king’ was sitting on his throne.

  I walked directly up to him, and asked “Where is Ruby and Sapphire?”

  The old doddering man looked at me as if I had spoken a magic spell. “Who.. my hero?” He asked with confusion in his eyes.

  “Your daughters you old coot!” I snap. He looked at me vacantly and I rolled my eyes. “My future marriage prospects.” I said with irritation.

  His eyes widened and he smiled blankly. “Ah yes, my dearest daughters. Sapphire is in her room I believe and Ruby went out to play with that new friend of hers, Alissa was it?

  I sighed at that, it seems Alissa had kidnapped Ruby, and left Sapphire. Honestly that was expected. Half the time I forgot Sapphire was here. Still, I turned once again and made my way to the back right of the throne room where a secret passage was. “Three up, Two across, four down.” I whispered to myself before pushing the correct brick in.

  The lego brick clicked into place. Which is still impressive that a toy lego brick can sound like someone put the sound effect of a real brick clicking into place. The passage opened and I grabbed Bloom’s hand. She blushed but I just pulled her along into the passage whispering “It’s dark in here, hold my hand so you don’t get lost.”

  We made our way down the dark passage and came to a single unlit torch. I put my hand inside the torch and turned on immolate for a few seconds before turning it back off and pulling my hand out of the now lit torch. I shook my hand to get the flame out. Forgot it didn’t work that way and patted my now burnt hand against my pants.

  I lost my patience and just cut my hand off at the wrist before walking through the newly opened passage to the other end of the tunnel. I reached the hallway and turned back to Bloom.

  Instead of bloom, I was holding a googly eyed Bloom. I hugged her and turned on immolation. The real Bloom, still in the dark hallway, just standing in the dark most likely, called out. “General Hero?! Where did you go?”

  I rolled my eyes and just called back. “Just walk to the end of the hallway, you will be fine!” With that, I made my way to Sapphire's room. I reached the door to Sapphire’s room. Only to find Dorknozzle there waiting for me. “How did you…?! You know what, nevermind.”

  I turned and tapped on the door. Sapphire was in her room looking in the mirror at a black eye. Apparently she had gotten hurt again. Of the two sisters. Sapphire was actually the stronger combatant. She probably could wipe the floor with Alissa if she actually tried.

  There was just one tiny flaw with her. She whirled around and her face went pale when she saw me. Covering her black eye she smiled sheepishly. “Hello Hero! I didn’t see you come in.”

  “Yea, I was wondering where Ruby went?” I asked.

  I watched her deflate and held back a smirk. Sapphire was actually unbelievably strong. But she had zero self confidence and zero social awareness. So I teased her.. A lot. It was mean yes, but in all fairness. She really was overpowered and I had a bit of resentment for that.

  To be clear, I won’t go into detail. But let's just say the Princess names very much give an inkling to their move sets. If Ruby was the floor one boss, Sapphire would be the final room. “Just heal your eye Sapphire” I said with a sigh.

  She looked panicked for a second but nodded. A cooling mist left her hands and her black eye healed instantly. By being in mere proximity, my hand fully regrew quickly and the burn marks from Immolate fully faded. So.. Overpowered.