I woke up in what I could only describe as a human sized floating cage. I know this because I move around in my sleep. Ruby called it fighting enemies in bed. I told her she was the enemy I was fighting. “Hero! You’re awake! Thank goodness! We have been captured by these fiends!”

  I shook my head and rolled back over. “Five more minutes, I was so close.” I moaned before giggling and reaching my hand out to grasp them. Instead I felt something soft and plushy,

  Opening my eyes, in front of me was not a slice of pizza and T.V. remote. But a humanoid Princess Bloom with the brain cells of a child cartoon Princess with none of the proprietary. I was squeezing her breast.

  A breast was not pizza, I let go and sat up. My pizza was gone and so was the Anime I had been watching in my dream. Another dream ruined by a Princess.

  Looking around I quickly realized the cage was not actually hanging from a tree, just.. Glitching in the air. I stood, walked over, and tapped the cage door. I heard the locked sound and rolled my eyes.

  “You gotta key on you by chance?” I asked as I turned to Bloom, who at some point had her dress reset and was on her again. The fact I had grabbed her bare breast earlier meant it happened between the time I woke up and the time I tapped the cage.

  I heard footsteps, which was impressive because normally you don’t hear those. Which meant… cutscene. I turned to Bloom, but she had vanished. Yup, cutscene.

  A young red headed fox girl with emerald eyes entered the.. Forest area? Where had she even come from? “You are too late Hero! With you trapped, we shall siege the Emerald Kingdom and take back what is rightfully ours!”” She cried out as she raised a blade

  At least a dozen NPC’s spawned in and cheered with her. I rolled my eyes. They were all beastkin, except a few who looked like residents of Peeptown, but in lion-cloths. “A bit racist to assume all Beastkin wear is loincloth, you know that right?” I commented dryly

  As expected she took no notice of my actual words and responded. “Words! That is all you can say behind that cage! I will lead my people into battle. Unless you can convince me otherwise!

  I shrugged and said “Want help taking out the gates? I learned a neat trick with doors recently.”

  She suddenly had teary eyes and looked at me with intensity. “I.. I didn’t know you felt that way, Hero. You truly are an amazing person!”

  “Won’t deny that, why, I only got eaten about six times on the way over here!” I said in a snarky fake excited tone. “Watch as my enemies feast on my remains for the umpteenth time. See how tasty I am!”

  “I.. can’t believe this. You are right and Hero! I am wrong. I must call off the fight at once.” She said heroically as she turned and rushed out of the forest. My cage door just.. Unlocked itself and Bloom reappeared.

  “Wow, General Hero! You did it! You stopped the Beastkin with your words. Truly a remarkable feat!”

  I sighed, “Truly, I guess you could say I have a way with words.” Then I pushed her out of the cage first in case of traps. Nothing went off and I stepped out after her. Only to be mobbed by semi-attractive Beastkin women.. And one dude for some reason. It was like I was a celebrity stepping out into paparazzi, except the girls were trying to sleep with me, and the men were trying to emulate what they thought I was.

  “Your amazing hero! Your speech drew me to tears. Please have my babies!” One cried with the consent of a dozen others.

  “Please Hero, tell your secrets so that I may become a better man for my family!” A male said in a strong powerful voice I wasn’t even sure I could mimic if I tried.

  I pulled out my sword and began swinging. Some backed up, some just.. Died. You would think they would react like the capitol to violence… They didn’t.

  Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  “Look at the way he swung his sword of legend! Truly a mythical being!” Multiple men cried out.

  “I wish he used me like that!” One of the Beastkin children said. At that point I had had enough and just walked out of the forest. That drew a line and now I felt sick.

  I made it three steps out of the clearing when the red headed Foxkin appeared. She was sobbing and looked up when I exited. “Really another one?” I said in annoyance.

  “OH hero! It’s horrible! Wolves have captured our young and are planning to turn them into food! Please hero, save our people with your might!” Her voice sounded sincere, her words like a five year old coming up with a quest, and of course her loincloth was smaller than the others and her breasts bigger.

  I ignored her and kept walking. “Thank you Hero! She cried out. “You are already moved to action to slay the foul beasts!”

  “Yea.. totally” I said with zero enthusiasm. Suddenly, five wolves spawned, then five more, then five more. I was staring at fifteen wolves surrounding me. “Well, shit.”

  The wolves circled me as Bloom de-spawned. The red headed Foxkin captain suddenly jumped up next to me holding a bow. “Don’t worry hero! We can hold them off together!” She cried out as she fired her arrows at the wolves.. They all had a perfect aim to hit them in their heads.

  I stepped back and watched her solo all fifteen wolves with a bow. The wolves just paced around and only attacked one at a time, she would act wounded then stand tall and say “For the Hero!” and keep going.

  One of the wolves actually came after me, truly the smartest one. The damn creature then ruined it by jumping at me in slow motion. Like physics took a break. I stood there wondering how long it would take him to reach me. Then after a minute decided I didn’t want to fail or risk resetting the encounter. So I pulled out my dagger and did a swiping motion. Not even near the wolf. It fell to the ground wounded and not dead.

  “Hero! Those were amazing reflexes!” The captain called out with amazement. I ignored her as a popup appeared.

  I put in but it quickly didn’t accept that. After considering a dozen meme names. I smiled widely as a perfect name came to mind.

  Dorknozzle stood up fully healed and attacked the last remaining wolf. They fought for like, five minutes. The captain didn’t help, she stood there with her bow, standing on a mountain of wolf corpses, directly to the side as if someone else was standing at the top.

  I didn’t even question how fifteen wolves had become a small hill of corpses. Dorknozzle barely won the fight and limped over to me.

  “Oh Hero! You truly are amazing! Only you could fight off such a large wave of wolves.” Her voice glitched mid sentence and she began talking in a calm tone instead of excited.

  She floated down off the wolf corpses, which visually glitched and were goblins for a second, before turning back to wolves. Really? They painted over a hill of goblin corpses?

  She walked over to me and blushed. “I wish I was as powerful as you Hero! Maybe.. Maybe I can’t be. But my child can.” And she kissed me. I did not reciprocate and after a moment of her making out with air in front of me. She suddenly moaned and froze.

  Around fifteen seconds later she unfroze and her belly got bigger. I shook my head.

  “There you are!” Alissa cried out as she landed next to us on her dragon.

  “Hi Alissa,” I said casually as I waved. “I’m just getting random captains pregnant. Don’t mind me.”

  “You.. you didn’t invite me!” She sounded even angrier than she looked.

  “Sorry, it was kind of sudden.” I said in a deadpan tone. “You know how it is in the..” I looked at the Foxkin who was now writhing on the ground giggling and holding her belly. “Um.. heat of passion.”

  She looked at Foxkin, then at me, then back at the Foxkin before nodding. “Alright, she can go into the harem under Ruby.” She walked over and grabbed the Foxkin by the hair and dragged her to the dragon.

  “What, Where are we going!?” The Foxkin cried out.

  “To set up for my wedding!” Alissa said excitedly as she tied her to the plastic dragon with.. Were those spiked chains?! “You're lucky I am nice enough to use my special chains to hold you down.”

  Alissa then, without hesitation, jumped back on her dragon and took off. I barely heard the Foxkin captain say “My title is Melissa The Forest Kitsune!” and they were gone.

  “Well, that’s one problem solved.” I commented as Bloom spawned back in and walked over to me.

  “You are so amazing! You defeated all those wolves, impregnated the fierce and powerful Melissa, and got Alissa to accept her into our harem. You even helped those beast people learn to fight and wear better clothing!”

  I raised an eyebrow at the last part and walked back into the clearing. Sure enough, they were all wearing.. Somewhat regular outfits. Except now the men wore pants with no shirt and the women’s loincloths were replaced with what I can only describe as skirts, but sexual. No, I will not go into detail.