We open up outside The Guild inside a library of some sort where Larkin is reading a story at a school of somekind
Larkin: And then I punched the monster in the face, kissed the girl and saved the day
Larkin puts down the story and the crowd begins cheering
Larkin Fan Club Member #1: That was awesome…of course only the great and awesome Larkin could fight Mokufa, Devourer of Gods and save the day
Larkin Fan Club Member #2: You’re so cool Larkin, can I have your autograph?
Larkin: Sure
After reading signing autographs and such, he leaves to go outside where Diesel, Nori and Rowan are waiting
Nori: You defeat a solar monster once and now you go around making up stories about some character named Mokufa, Devourer of Gods!!
Diesel: Yeah…it’s not healthy, you don’t have to go around pretending your some kind of hero all the time
Larkin: But Mokufa was real, Ena was with me!
Rowan: Who is Ena?
Larkin: Doesn’t matter, Mokufa fatally wounded her during the fight, we at least got to share a kiss
Nori: Gross, grow up
Diesel: Even if this Ena person was real, there’s no way you two fought someone named Mokufa, Devourer of Gods…
Larkin: BUT I DID
Rowan: Ancient legends do indicate there is a being that is fated to devour the gods but his name isn’t Mokufa
Larkin: Sigh…you guys will never believe me…
Nori: Because you made the whole damn thing up
Diesel: In all of Nori’s days tracking titans, not a single one was named Mokufa…
Larkin: Well what if I did make the whole damn thing up?
Rowan: You did
Nori: Man…what are we gonna do with you?
Larkin: There’s no harm in exaggeration and hyperbole!
Diesel: You just gotta be wary that sometimes it’s better to accept that your not all that then go around causing problems for everyone…
Larkin: Fine…
The four went to head back to The Guild, tired from a day of Larkin galavanting around and talking about his “exploits”
Suddenly, Larkin’s hand was grabbed by a man in a suit with sunglasses
Mysterious Man: Hello Larkin, I’m with Department X, I’m here to take you away, do not resist
Larkin: What is the meaning of this?
Department X Agent: Your existence is out…we can’t let anyone else know
Larkin: What?
Nori: There’s no way he’s gonna agree to that, Larkin is his own person…
Department X Agent: You really don’t know who we are
Diesel: I assume because you are a secret organization that does secret experiments
Department X Agent: Correct and “Larkin” was Experiment 0 in our lab research on high level regeneration…
Larkin: I thought…I was just a kid who ran afoul of a powerful witch…
Department X Agent: Wrong…those were implanted memories for when you were decommissioned but now you are out in the open and causing trouble..so you’re coming with us
Rowan: Just because he’s made something of himself amd you made him in a lab, doesn’t mean you have the right to take him away
Department X Agent: Ok…I’ll spell it out for you, surrender Larkin or you’ll all be erased
Nori: No
Larkin: Thanks guys…I don’t want to be experimented on by some freaks in suits.
Department X Agent: Alright guys…take them away
Suddenly, a bunch of “Larkin Fan Club” members emerge with guns drawn
Larkin: What the heck
Larkin Fan Club Member: Nothing personal…
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Rowan: “Words..never be barren in our times of trouble”
Rowan’s discordant song echoes and immobilizes the fan club.
Nori: Let’s make a break for it…
Larkin: Agreed,,,
The Party runs down a block and hides behind some storage containers
Nori: So…you told a secret organization the story you made up and now they want to take you back to a lab to decommission you because they think it’s real
Larkin: What? That’s not funny
Rowan: It’s actually pretty funny
Diesel: They pretended to be your fan club too, they really knew how to flame your ego
Larkin: Shut it! I really thought people cared about my wacky adventures
Nori: The ones that never happened
Larkin: Yeah…I’m allowed to imagine and dream big
Begin District 8 with the party of Nori, Diesel, Rowan and Larkin
When you are halfway through
Rowan: If you wanted to get stories out there, why don’t you write a book?
Larkin: I did!! It didn’t do well commercially and now publishers don’t want my drafts!!
Rowan: That sucks
Nori: Man between failed book deals and secret organizations, you’ve actually had it rough Larkin
Larkin: Hey, I thought I was a celebrity!!
Diesel: Why don’t you forget the fame
Larkin: I could…but then how will I get the movie deal?
Nori: Movie deal?
Larkin: Larkin vs Mokufa The Godslayer, starring Larkin in titular role, I can just imagine it
Rowan: I can’t…
Larkin: You’d do the sound-track!
Rowan: I guess I can imagine it
Nori: You really know how to posture people, Larkin…
Larkin: No, I’m just being nice to my friends, for being so sincere to me..
Resume
When you are done District 8, an entire line of Larkin Fan Club Members block The Party’s exit
Larkin Fan Club Member #1: Mr. Larkin, I’d like an autograph if that’s cool with you
Larkin: Not a chance, I now know this fan club is actually a trap by the deep state agency to get me to give me their blood.
Larkin Fan Club Member #2: Huh?
Diesel: You heard the man, move!
Rowan: Paparazzi really does suck
The crowd dispersed as Larkin, Diesel and Rowan plowed through it, with Department X right on their heels
Department X Agent: Get back here now!!
Larkin: Never….I personally value my freedom
Rowan: Hell yeah…
Larkin: You guys probably aren’t even a real Government Agency
Department X Agent: Huh?
Nori: Losers, they don’t even know if they’re getting paid or not?
Department X Agent #2 (breaking down into tears): I don’t man…don’t laugh at me…my family can barely afford to eat…
Diesel: I’m so so-
Larkin: Serves you right asshole
Rowan: Uhm….maybe keep your mouth shut?
Larkin: Why? These guys are pretty fucked up and evil, like in the movies, the main character aka me is supposed to beat them up and the audience isn’t supposed to feel sympathy for them
Department X Agent: That’s actually really reductive and mean, my feelings are hurt
Larkin: Being told I’m a government experiment and that I’m scheduled to get terminated is also really reductive and mean, my feelings are hurt
Nori (Dragging Larkin off): Let’s just get out of here
Begin District 9
When you are halfway through
Department X Agent #2: Wait….(Panting), If you don’t surrender, we’ll bring out the big gun!
Nori: Oh no! Whatever shall we do?
Department X Agent: Sur-
Nori: I was being sarcastic, we’ll keep going
Diesel: Nori wins tonight’s award for most sarcasm
Nori: I’m so grateful to be here at the Being Chased by Department Y-
Department X Agent: It’s Dep-
Rowan: Shut it, you’re being rude
Nori: -Awards, I’m so glad to get my award
Larkin: This sarcasm too?
Nori: Yes
Resume District 9
When you reach The End, there’s a tank with Department X written on it, with another person inside.
Department X Agent: We had no choice but to resort to this…
A clone of Larkin emerges from the vat…
Department X Agent: This is Lark2n, the-
Before he could finish, Lark2n killed all The Department X Agents and looked at Larkin…
Lark2n: Original me is-
Before he could finish, Larkin punched Lark2n in the face
Larkin: Sorry…but evil clones are so last season..
Lark2n: What the-
Larkin and Lark2n then enter into a brutal and drawn out fistfight
Nori: Can we stop them?
Rowan: I know a song that can damage “immortal” beings, maybe it’ll work on Larkin’s evil cone
Lark2n: My name is-
Larkin: Sock it faker
Lark2n: I’ll make you eat those words
Larkin: You’re the imposter among us, you big green piece of shit
Lark2n: God you’re a piece of work
Larkin: Why don’t you shut it ya celery wannabe
Diesel: Well I don’t want to stop this, it’s very entertaining
Diesel gets odd looks from Rowan and Nori
Diesel: Fine, I guess we’ll end it
Fight against Lark2n
When he is at 50%
Lark2n: Graaah, I hate all of you…I didn’t even get a chance to-
Larkin: Like I said, evil clones are so last season, “developed by scientists, made as a weapon” like come on people, surely you can do better than Darth Dumbass over there
Rowan: Holy crap he’s spitting bars
Lark2n: I hate-
Larkin: Shut it you overgrown vegetable
Resume against Lark2n
When he is at 10%
Lark2n: Why am I melting?
Larkin: Good question, I am also melting but it’s being contained in my armor
Lark2n: I never even got t-
Larkin suddenly begins dancing to make a mockery of Lark2n
Larkin: I’m a green bean and I can do a green bean dance
Lark2n: Stop inter-
Rowan: I’m starting to think we should have kept the clone
Larkin: Is my dancing really that atrocious?
Nori: Yes
Diesel: 100%
Rowan: Please never dance again
Resume against Lark2n
When you win
Lark2n: I’m melting…melting oh what a-
Larkin: BAM…(Jumps on Lark2n’s head) POW… (Jumps on Lark2n’s head again)
Lark2n melts into the ground.
Nori: Well we’ve learned a valuable lesson today folks
Diesel: What’s that?
Nori: That the government is using our tax dollars to build evil clones of our friends instead of improving the lives of their citizens.
Rowan: I’m not surprised they would chose to do that instead of help people, they’d sooner spend our tax money on a life-sized statue of Larkin
Larkin: Hey…I got an idea…
Rowan: What have I done…
Diesel: No Larkin, you are not getting a statue of yourself!
Larkin: Well that sucks…it was gonna be green too…
Nori: When will you grow up
Larkin: Never
Diesel: Maybe it’s better this way
Rowan: I think you guys are fine the way your are
And so the merry four party members went on their merry way, to actually go back to the Guild this time
