I am standing atop an old concrete watchtower on the coast with a friend. We’re far enough from the city that we can really see the stars out here. There’s supposed to be a meteor shower tonight. Lots of stars to wish upon.

  I head down the stairs and take a seat on the rocky outcrop at the water’s edge. After some time waiting, a wet hand grabs my ankle.

  I smile at the face of the mermaid now beside me. It seems I haven’t been stood up on my date afterall.

  We watch the stars together for a time and then she invites me to follow her out into the water. As I pull off my shirt and shoes I call out to my friend atop the watchtower who turns on the tower’s lights and follows me with a spotlight so I can see where I’m going in the dark reef.

  Even with the spotlight I lose track of her more than once, and I can only go so far before I have to stop.

  She swims back to me once she realizes I’m no longer keeping up and asks me what’s wrong.

  I tell her that I’m scared. It’s so dark out here and I can’t see where I’m going like she can.

  She’s saddened by this but says she understands and we return to the shallows.

  What I said was true, but there’s more to it. Although rationally I trust her and don’t believe she would ever harm me (at least not intentionally) I can’t get the image out of my head of her grabbing me by the wrist and dragging me under, and I hate myself for that.

  In the shallows we take the rest of the night easy, talking. I promise to acquire some sort of equipment so that I can follow her properly in the future. SCUBA gear perhaps, or even a potion that will allow me to breathe underwater for a few hours (although those are expensive enough that it’s not a sustainable option in the long term). Either way I’ll need to get myself a waterproof watch so I can set an arm to return to the surface with a safe amount of time to spare.

  Why can’t I stop picturing her “pyfully” disconnecting my air tank or distracting me long enough that the potion wears off while I’m still underwater? Why am I like this?

  I also bring up the idea of getting her a wheelchair - preferably a powered one for the sake of her independence - so that one day I might show her forests and mountains. She seems to love the idea, but I can’t help but wonder if she too harbors fearful fantasies of me shoving her from her chair or otherwise leaving her helpless and alone.

  It feels cruel of the universe that to properly spend time together and truly get to know one another that we must each render ourselves so helplessly vulnerable to the other’s mercy.

  There is one other option I’m aware of however. There’s a ritual by which we could take one another’s forms, although that requires a whole different level of trust between us and we would be reliant on small charms that could easily be lost or stolen to be able to go back and forth between our forms. If those charms were lost we would be stuck in whichever form we were in at the time, and if they were stolen someone else could force us to change against our will. Less frightening but still awkward for a retionship is that I would not merely become a mermaid but a copy of her. Likewise, she would look identical to me when human. To be… involved with one’s reflection would be a strange and uncomfortable strain on a retionship to say the least. Not to mention the possibility of impersonating one another.

  As I said, a whole other level of trust. And yet, I want to believe I could be capable and worthy of such trust one day.