Chapter 22

  Ruth stood outside the glass sliding door to the lobby of The Titan Tower, she was finding it hard to bring herself to enter the building, it had been 33 hours since she she had gotten the call, it had come out of nowhere, a woman’s voice, polite but urgent,

  “May I speak with Ruth Hans?” She asked,

  “This is her” Ruth answered,

  “Do you have time to speak? It’s important,”

  “Is something wrong?” Ruth asked,

  “I need to speak with you about a girl named Rachel Roth” Ruth froze when she heard the name, she hadn’t heard it in over 3 years, a picture of the 4 year old girl her parents had adopted 11 years earlier came to her mind, though she was shocked even more a minute later when she heard 3 words that had carried her from Star City to the edge of Metropolis,

  “Rachel is Alive” The words still echoed in her head as she stood before the building that might hold answers to decade old questions, the door slid open, and Ruth stepped inside.

  “That’s her” Ruth stared down at the picture of a teenage girl with pale skin, dark hair, and light blue eyes, she had been 12 the last time she’d seen Rachel in person, Rachel had been only 5, but Ruth could have easily picked the teenager out of a crowd, it was the eyes, shinning blue, with an unsettling mix of innocent intelligence and dark, detached malevolence, it had always made Ruth’s skin crawl.

  “I have something I need to tell you before we continue” She said, Batgirl and Robin waited silently for her to continue “I can’t take her home to live with me” The room went deafeningly silent, it was clear that neither of them had ever even considered this as a possibility, a glance passed between them, and then Batgirl returned her attention to Ruth,

  We’re gonna need a minute” She said, she stood and Robin followed her out into the hall, closing the door behind them,

  “We’re not letting Rachel meet her, we can’t tell her she has a sister who just doesn’t want her” Batgirl’s face had gone red with anger, her voice shook a little as she spoke, Robin shook his head,

  “That’s not our call to make, we already told her that her sister was gonna be here today” He argued,

  “All we have to do is tell Rachel it will put Ruth’s life in danger, Rachel won’t hesitate to give it up if she thinks it will protect someone else” Batgirl had lowered her voice but it still had an edge, Robin looked disappointed in her,

  “No, we can’t do that to Rachel, she’ll need us when she finds out, if we lie to her now she won’t know who to trust in the future, lies that protect people rarely work” Batgirl’s mouth became a thin, tight line, her jaw clenched, she hated it when he was the logical 1, when he was right about something she was letting emotion get in the way of,

  “Fine” She spat, with that Robin lead the way back into the room.

  “Sorry about that” Robin said sitting back down across from Ruth, Batgirl stood silently behind him, with her arms crossed,

  “I understand that wasn’t what you wanted to hear, I’ll explain it to her, because I do want to talk to her” Ruth kept her eyes focused on Robin, but she could feel Batgirl's eyes burning holes through her, Robin nodded,

  “Alright, you can take her out for a little while, maybe get lunch, that should give you guys a little time to talk” He suggested,

  “Thank you.”

  Rachel followed Ruth down the sidewalk away from the tower in silence, she looked at her through her red tinted sunglasses, the memory of a young girl with light brown hair and green eyes appeared, she was on her knees in a pastel blue sun dress looking down at Rachel and clutching a doll to her chest,

  “No Rachel, that’s not how you play” She shouted.

  “Rachel” Ruth’s voice had brough her back from the memory,

  “Huh” Rachel answered, a little disoriented,

  “Rachel, I want to be very up front and clear with you, I don’t want you getting any false impressions” Ruth said, making sure she had Rachel's attention, “ You can’t come home with me” Rachel’s head was spinning, she felt like she was filling,

  “What?” The single word was all she could think to say as she was drawn back into another memory.

  The same girl as before stood in an open doorway, sunlight streamed in around her, and it stung Rachel's eyes,

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  “No Rachel, you’r not allowed to come with me” She whined, stomping her foot, yet again it was Ruth that pulled Rachel back to the present, she was calling out her name as she yanked Rachel back onto the sidewalk just as a car swerved to avoid her, Rachel had stepped back onto the street without realizing it,

  “Rachel, are you ok?” Ruth asked, Rachel began to feel sick,

  “I’m fine, I just don’t understand” She said, trying to fight the rising panic, all of the sudden she wondered what she had expected, did she really think Ruth was going to pause everything and take in a kid she hadn’t seen in ten years?

  “I’m sorry, I just got married, and we’re not ready to take care of you” Rachel nodded, looking away and rubbing at her eyes, for a second Ruth could she her eyes behind the glasses, the darkness she had always seen in them was gone, replaced with the look of a scared, lost child several years younger.

  “I’m sorry” She repeated, Rachel swallowed hard trying to regain her composure, that was when Ruth noticed the small wooden cross hanging on a slim silver chain around Rachel’s neck, “Are you a Christian?” She asked, Rachel’s hand went around the small pendant protectively, she shook her head,

  “I don’t know” She answered, her voice a little raspy,

  “You know mom always wore a silver 1, she’d be happy to see you wearing it.”

  Rachel’s vision was flooded with the image of a woman with brown hair and green eyes, Rachel had been sitting on a thin rug and the woman had gotten down on her level, a silver cross hung loosely around her neck,

  “Rachel you’re gonna go live with Mrs Alice” Another woman, who must have been an employee at wherever Rachel had been staying said, Rachel had been 4 at the time but hadn’t begun speaking yet, so she had just stared at the shiny silver object,

  “Hello Rachel” Alice voice was soft, Rachel remembered being carried in her warm, comforting embrace, she then remembered that Ruth had spoken,

  “Ok” Was all she could think to say,

  “Let’s go find somewhere to sit down” Ruth suggested.

  They found a small cafe and sat at an outdoor table, a waitress came by and took their orders, once she had left Ruth asked,

  “Do you remember me, or mom, or dad?” Rachel was pulling at a loose thread of her jean shorts,

  “A little, you, and…” She paused, she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to call Alice mom, after a second she decided probably not, “Alice, I don’t really remember your dad, there’s a lot I don’t remember, I was hoping you could tell me, I just want to know what happened, what it was like” Ruth took several minutes before answering.

  “You were 4 when you came to live with us, I think our church was running some kind of awareness campaign, or something, mom and dad both cared about you, but it way different with mom, she was crazy about you from the second she laid eyes on you, I remember you didn’t really talk, I think the first time I heard you make any kind of real, verbal noise was a couple weeks in, I woke up in the middle of the night and you were, screaming, like you were in pain, when I finally made it into your room you were curled up in the corner, mom was holding you, I remember for the next 2 weeks she brought you to every kind of doctor she knew, but none of them could figure out what was wrong, after that mom rarely let you out of her sight” Rachel’s chest tightened as she remembered a cloaked figure with jet black eyes looming over her bed.

  “It was right after you turned 5 that mom started acting weird, she was scared, paranoid, she was convinced someone was following her, more specifically, she though they were following you, nobody took her too seriously, I guess they just thought she was stressed and tired” Ruth paused, she blinked back tears before continuing, “Then she was found dead, and you were gone, they found her out in the middle of nowhere, we could never figure out why she was out there, the police decided that she had had a mental break, that she killed you, before taking a bunch of pills and driving her car into a tree, it was all a load of a bullcrap, dad and I knew that, she wouldn’t ever have hurt you, but the police didn’t take her seriously when she went to them for help, it looked bad for them, so they covered it up with that stupid story, they said it was just a tragic case where a woman became overwhelmed trying to take care of a child with a mental disability, and her family ignored her mental deterioration.”

  “Dad loved you too, it wasn’t as obvious until after toy were gone, he spent the rest of his life trying to find you, he hired someone to age up a picture of you every year, your name and face was on every missing persons forum, I think even the people on those thought he was just a grieving dad, he was talking with some conspiracy theorist, anti-government, true crime blogger right before his heart attack, then he was gone too, that was 4 years ago, the blogger tried contacting me afterward, but I told her to drop it, I went to go live with aunt Tracy for a little while, she knew the official story was bogus too, but I think she didn’t want to lose anybody else, so she told me to stop, I’m not blaming her, after 6 years I think I was just looking for anybody to tell me I could stop, that I was allowed to let it go” Ruth looked exhausted,

  “I’m sorry” Rachel whispered, choking back tears, Ruth fished a tissue from her purse and began dabbing at the edges of her eyes,

  “It’s not your fault, your a victim in all this too” Ruth said, while they composed themselves the waitress delivered a coffee and a lemonade to their table.

  “Why don’t you tell me about the Titans?” Ruth suggested, Rachel nodded,

  “Like what?” She asked,

  “Do you get along with everyone else?” Ruth asked,

  “Yeah, Batgirl and Robin are really great, I think we’re learning a lot from them, and I feel like Batgirl is always there for me, Beast Boy and Starfire are nice, Beast Boy’s funny, he’s always goofing off, but he really just wants to help people, I think Starfire has gotten comfortable with the rest of us, she’s super dedicated to learning everything she can, I think she’s probably way smarter than the rest of us” Rachel laughed a little, then she bit her lip nervously, she blushed, “And there’s Kara, she’s different” She forgot to use Kara's codename,

  “What do you mean?” Ruth asked, Rachel sank in her seat a little,

  “We’re kind of, dating”She mumbled, as she traced circles on her right knee, Ruth took a little too long to respond,

  “Robin and Batgirl are ok with that?” She asked, Rachel sucked in a breath,

  “They don’t exactly know” She answered, Rachel could feel Ruth’s eyes judging her, then she heard a voice,

  “She came her to tell you she’s abandoning you, and now she’s judging you, are you really gonna sit there taking it? like a pussy” The voice sounded like a twisted version of her own, filled with hatred and malice.

  Ruth saw Rachel’s eyes flick up to her, anger flared behind the stare, it wasn’t her whole face, just her eyes, the same thing she’d seen years earlier, it was back, and furious,

  “We should get you back to the tower” She said, trying to hide her rising panic,

  “Ok” Rachel looked away and when she looked back whatever had been there was gone.

  Rachel and Ruth walked back to The Titan Tower in silence, when they reached the door Ruth pulled a scrap of paper from her wallet,

  “Here, it’s got my phone number, email, snap, if you need anything” She said, offering it to Rachel, who took it and slid it into her back pocket, “It was good seeing you again, Jessie got me a flight back to Star City that leaves soon, so I should gete going” Rachel nodded,

  “Goodbye” She said, as Ruth walked away,

  “Goodbye Rachel” Ruth responded without slowing her pace, but she did glance over her shoulder.

  Rachel sank into the warm water in the bathtub, she felt numb as her mouth bobbed beneath the waterline,

  “Hey” Kara stepped into the dimly lit room, “Are you alright?” Rachel nodded, Kara sat on the side of the tub,

  “Do you want to talk about it?” She asked, Rachel shook her head, Kara nodded, swirling her finger slowly in the water, she changed the subject, “Barbara said your birthday was a couple days ago,”

  “Yeah” Rachel muttered, lifting her mouth out of the water,

  “You knew?” Kara asked, her shoulders slumping in disappointment,

  “Yeah” Rachel repeated,

  “Why didn’t you tell us? We would have done something to celebrate” Kara stared down at her toes, as she scrunched them against the carpet,

  “At least 3 people are dead, probably more, Ruth’s life was ruined, because of me, there’s nothing worth celebrating, all I’ve ever done is make peoples lives worse” Kara looked at her,

  “You didn’t ruin anyone's life, none of that was your fault, and you shouldn’t blame yourself for it” Rachel sniffled as she tried to hold Kara’s gaze, Kara gently placed her hand against her cheek, she leaned into the touch, and put her hand over Kara’s “We love you, I think you’re worth celebrating, you’ve made my life better.”