Uno

  “Release the rats!”

  After I spoke there was a second of uneasy silence, as the words were swallowed by the surroundings… and nothing happened.

  At least at first.

  My order hung in the air like Damocles’ sword… and then the jagged walls created by the Lebir sacrifice exploded outward, revealing an army hidden beneath. The tunnels where my creatures waited were small (maybe 1,5 meters in diameter) and looked even smaller in comparison to a five-meter-tall wall that now surrounded Charles’ city. Or should I call it Silver Oasis mesa now, since that was what it had turned into?

  The destruction brought by my creatures was no joke, leaving a permanent mark on the surroundings. Some pieces of the soil simply evaporated, weakening the underground, which in turn led to a nasty collapse, others were sent flying into the air, filling it with dust and grime. Few turned into shrapnel, piercing through wood, flesh, and metal alike.

  Those away from the Oasis were showered in pebbles, mud, and occasionally - body parts. Much of the nearby hills had been cracked or completely leveled, the attack creating an unstable flooring, full of natural holes and pitfalls. What remained was filled with treacherous crags - the end effect was still far away from the clean devastation brought by even the smallest of the atomic bombs, but hey, man can dream.

  The Lich’s army was confused, milling around in disarray - mostly because those leading from the front and their shock troops had been shredded by the explosions. The survivors were still reeling from the experience. It was one thing to witness shows of magical prowess - although rare they were still something to be anticipated, even made predictable, especially with the presence of one-man armies wandering the surface.

  It was another thing altogether to be forced to endure the sheer destruction brought by my minions.

  Why?

  Because of shock value. A meteor falling, deadly gas spreading, the burning electricity - all of these were comprehensible, nearly normal causes of death in a magical world. They were visible. Understandable. It however hit differently to see half of your squad turned into mincemeat without any chance to react. Without a warning. Without understanding, what the hell happened.

  Unknown was a powerful deterrent, and it bred fear.

  Despite being classified as monsters, these guys were not that different from humans. From my perspective, at least. They cried when hurt, bled when cut, and screamed when the pain was too much to bear. They were just, you know, a bit less civilized, as living at the knife’s edge tended to do to people, whatever their form.

  The rat commanders were both ruthless and capable enough to recognize this hesitation, forcing their subordinates to pour out of the tunnels like a living tide. Nobody was there to stop them. From the outside, this advance was a chaotic mess, yet after a further look, there was a strange organic sense to the tightly packed creatures streaming out of the darkness.

  My most disposable troops were leading the charge, Lebir Exploders and common Lebirs moved nearly ponderously, their abominable forms cutting through the thick curtain of dust without problems. My fists clenched. Despite how everything was going fine… I knew that even at this very moment it could all fall apart - a single fireball could start a domino effect, one minion at a time.

  And there would be no respite.

  Thankfully the moment passed, and the abominations quickly left the dangerous spot.

  Following them were rats of all colors and sizes. Bipedal, running on all fours, riding creatures and machines. Without fur, with fur, with too much fur… there were even some with scales and… tentacles.

  Then came the creme de la creme. Rat Ogres, mages, engineers, and priests. Yes. My priests. The whole idea felt… weird. Uncomfortable. Like an itch under my skin. Amongst them came Ratlings so enhanced with either machinery or drugs that they skirted the definition of the Ratkind.

  The first wave was joined by heavily armored Lebirs, bigger and stronger than the common lot, led by their Captains and flanked by rats who specialized in support. Their formation quickly came to the forefront, like a wave of fluid metal, the ranks stabilizing at three meters deep. Despite their usual aloofness to my enhanced senses Dungeon soldiers reeked with anticipation. They craved bloodshed.

  I didn’t know how it was possible with their IQ.

  The skirmishers - common Lebirs and Lebir Exploders - were milling around in a chaotic blob that only barely looked like a war party. A shielding screen, if one was lenient.

  Behind them, and behind the iron tide, ranks upon ranks of common Ratlings stood at the ready, armed with both their natural spear throwers and various contraptions. Green vapor poured out of strange machines and egg-mechs. Some of their tools were simple - grenades, bottles filled with acidic substances, or ominously humming slings and rifles.

  Or should I say air guns? These didn’t use gunpowder, after all.

  Others were more complex, ranging from an oversized trebuchet being constructed at a delirious pace to a… was that a megaphone?

  I observed with fascination, as a few rats pushed and pulled a palanquin with something that I could only describe as an oversized version of the audio device. It was hauntingly similar to the one that nearly ended the lives of the Oasis lord and his lover.

  Purely due to an accident, of course.

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  Anyway, I decided to let it go and stop questioning how simply enlarging the machine was going to work. Instead, I was just curious about how the rats wanted to avoid their newest weapon’s backlash. After all sound waves were different from cannonballs or arrows, even with how directional they were going to be.

  I guessed that the padded coats, not dissimilar to the old space suits, and complete with ancient, bulbous diving helmets were supposed to mitigate that danger. Their shape wasn’t really accommodating to the rat snout, but the weapon creators decided to make do.

  Shaking my head in disbelief I allowed my eyes to wander away.

  The human forces were still perched on the now-plateau, gaping curiously at the two maneuvering monster armies. Those more down-to-earth amongst them had already started to rain magic, arrows, and even stones on the enemy forces.

  The Ogrekin were following their lead with enthusiasm.

  The warcries and the sound of a thousand marching feet were like a delicate lullaby. I closed my eyes and ears to the soon-resuming battle, resting. Waiting. It was curiously comfortable.

  *THUMP*

  *THUMP*

  Of course, it wasn’t meant to last.

  I opened one of my eyes to see that the red-haired mage had shaken off his bout of rage and was currently running toward my avatar. Well, it was more like a dignified jog.

  Sighing, I turned to greet him, trying to look as unthreateningly as possible. With fangs, claws, and sharp angles covering my inhuman form, it was a distinctly difficult challenge. Thankfully Charles didn’t care.

  “What do you think, you are doing, Uno!” He yelled as soon as he came in range. So much for being called Dos… Easy come, easy go.

  I glared at him, my face impassive. “Hello to you too.”

  “Don’t you dare to play games with me!”

  “What do you mean?” I tilted my head like an owl. It felt… right.

  Charles was taken aback, before squaring his shoulders and continuing his ramblings. “While the amount of troops you managed to scrounge is formidable, the enemy still outnumbers you three to one, if not more!”

  “Yup. That is true.” I agreed placidly.

  He scoffed at my dismissive attitude and tried again. “Your rats will get slaughtered! Even with those armored undead, the creatures you had made are not frontline combatants!” Charles pointed at the rearranging formation. “Not to mention they lack experience, both in battle and large-scale warfare!” He took a deep breath. “Please understand. Those from the Wastes specialize in combat! They live, breathe, and shit violence!”

  “But I do understand that.”

  “Then why aren’t you calling a retreat? Or at least why aren’t you letting my troops reinforce?!”

  Oops, that was on me. I kinda forgot about the surfacers… and I had left the mesa completely separate from the newly made depression. For some of the enhanced ones jumping down would be easy, but it wasn’t the same with coming back up. And no one wanted to have their avenues of retreat cut off.

  Still, humans and their allies were a non-renewable resource. Most of my creatures could simply respawn or be bred anew in case of death. Not that saying this to his face would be a good idea.

  “I have a plan.” I droned back.

  This pissed him off. “Then would you deign to give me an answer about what the said plan is?”

  “Just wait a while and you’ll know.”

  “Then what are we waiting for?”

  “The pieces must fall in place.” I grinned. Seeing his annoyed face was worth the theatricals, even if I felt bored overall. There was however no need to continue the charade. “And more seriously - let me ask you a question.”

  “How many of my Lebir Exploders do you think were sacrificed?”

  “Half?”

  “Nine-tenths?”

  “All of them?”

  “If all were destroyed, then why would I send the fresh ones to accompany the first wave?” I could see his mind working, whirling with new data. And then a funny thing happened. He paled.

  “Y-you have more of them?”

  “Oh, yes. Much more.” I grinned again, my toothed maw taking nearly half of my face. “Enough for hundreds of explosions…” I whispered. “And even more!”

  “When I finish grinding them down all that will remain will be bone dust and wailing ghosts!”

  “I just need them to play their part. To walk into the right position. Into big fucking X on the ground.” I chuckled at his incomprehension. Cartoons were a forgotten art, after all. “And when the encore happens the Ratlings will be in perfect position to strike - deep in the tunnels. Because, you see, I don’t want to make it a battle.”

  “Nay. It will be a knife fight in an alley.”

  “Because that’s what my monsters are good at - fighting dirty, poisoning enemy, striking from the shadows, sowing fear, and confusion.”

  The only answer I got was silence.

  Thus, we turned back to observe the enemy slowly getting overly comfortable. Their runners started to exchange missives and another set of commanders ordered their grunts into place. I was still in a placid state, silently gazing at the monsters gathered under my feet.

  Alea iacta est.

  Now all I could do was wait.

  Accepting that, my feet moved by themselves, as I crouched near mesa border. This position felt right, but something bugged me. With a sigh, I released the avatar form and impatience hit me like a truck.

  Fuck.

  I knew that inhabiting a body could influence my decisions… but that was ridiculous.

  Unsurprisingly Dos didn’t collapse after my abandonment, and neither did he power down into all-you-can-eat mode.

  Instead, he straightened up, before suddenly calling on the Dungeon’s mana to hurl rocks at the flabbergasted enemies. A few seconds later three nearly humanoid Shadow Puppets appeared amidst enemy forces, slashing and piercing through anything that came close.

  The sheer numbers quickly slaughtered the newly made golems but new spells and projectiles were coming. His aggression was a surprise, but not a detriment. After all, it would be quite a bit suspicious for the Dungeon’s elite to simply observe. There was a narrative to be sold, a story about a desperate stand.

  The Lich needed to believe that we were pulling all the stops. And of course - in a manner of speaking - we were.

  The chaos slowly died down as the enemy commanders compensated for the disruption.

  What remained after an hour of posturing were two armies ready to clash. And as the enemy took a first step on their first and final charge my rats also decided that it was time.

  Once again explosions rocked the soil, yet this time they were weaker, more deliberate.

  First, second, third, tenth, and twentieth.

  *BOOM*

  *BOOM*

  *BOO-BOOM*

  *BOOM*

  The sound overlapped and twirled like a drunken snake, but it wasn’t stopping.

  And then, as seconds passed, it happened.

  Like a vision of hell, the ground they walked on gave in, sending both my army and the enemy hurling down into the underground labyrinth.

  Then the fighting began in earnest.