【21.】

  My consciousness gradually returned, and I finally understood what had happened. Without caring that I was currently sitting on the ground, I didn't even have time to stand up, and could only crawl to his side with my hands and feet.

  The bloodstained water under Shen Diao's body pierced my eyes, but even if I tried my best to open them wide, I couldn't see him clearly. It turned out that the tears accumulated at the bottom of my eyes had blurred my vision.

  I hastily stretched out my hand to wipe, but didn't think that the more I wiped, the more there was. I simply didn't care and tightly grasped Shen Dong's hands. I feared that if I cried too loudly, he would be uncomfortable in his pain.

  "Shen Duan..." I didn't dare push him, and I didn't even know what to do.

  The sound of an ambulance siren came from the side, and several people carried a stretcher over. I knelt beside him, motionless. Until someone came over to hold me: "Miss, please let go, we need to put this gentleman on the stretcher."

  I barely managed to stand up, but felt a blackness before my eyes and finally lost consciousness.

  ——————————————

  The pungent smell of disinfectant, I opened my eyes again to find myself lying in a hospital.

  "Are you awake?"

  I turned around and saw Du Bin's relieved face.

  "Du Bin!" I grabbed his hand, tears already uncontrollable "Is... is he okay?"

  His face suddenly stiffened, and my heart also sank to the bottom of the valley with his expression. I was still in pain, and it seemed that my knee and calf were injured during the tug-of-war earlier.

  He didn't speak when he saw me, I lifted the quilt and was about to get out of bed. Du Bin seemed to have reacted and stood up, heavily pressing my shoulders: "Don't move."

  I struggled desperately, and the needle in my hand was flung out by my powerful movement: "What happened to him?!"

  "It's nothing!" Du Bin yelled "Do you know what state your body is in right now? You almost had a miscarriage! Do you know what's going on over there? Your sister, Gege, Hu Wei... they're all here!"

  I grabbed his arm with a reverse hand: "How did you know Gege? How did you know Hu Wei?"

  Du Bin's expression flashed with a hint of regret.

  But I was so shocked that I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

  "Yao Jia......" He became flustered and incoherent "You......"

  I pushed him: "Which ward?"

  He didn't stop me again: "Thirteenth floor... there's only one patient on that floor, you'll see when you go."

  ——————————————————

  I've never walked such a difficult road, every step feels like walking on the blade of a knife. I thought about many things, from Shen Zong's birthday party that night to today. It feels like a farce, can't find the reason. Who is wrong?

  The mistake is neither on Jintongtong nor on my sister.

  It's my fault.

  Because I'm timid, because I'm selfish... Because I always thought I've paid a lot.

  Du Bin is right, when I reached the 13th floor, I knew Shen Duan's ward. Although it was only an afternoon, there were already many fruit baskets and flower baskets here. I still remember the last time in Wuxi, he was also like this. I ran to his ward to find him and washed a lot of strawberries.

  At that time, he still had a sickly complexion and pale face, but when looking at me, his eyes were so gentle.

  He said: "Look at your eyes, they're almost falling into the plate, how can I still eat?"

  Things have changed... it's actually such a painful thing.

  My heart is shouting to take a look at him, even if it's just a glance, as long as he's okay... as long as he's okay...

  Pushing open that door, what entered his eyes was him lying on the bed.

  Just seeing him quietly lying there made me burst into tears.

  I walked over, took his hand and placed it on my face. Shen Dong seemed to have felt something and slowly opened his eyes.

  "Are you awake?"

  He smiled and rubbed his fingers against my face: "Are you okay?"

  "It's nothing."

  "Why are you crying..." He seemed still very weak, said a few words and was slightly out of breath "I'm fine."

  I didn't say anything, just quietly looked at him.

  "It hurts." He kissed my fingertips, looking at me like a child "Can you hum a tune?"

  I nodded, heartache and heartbreak overflowing, unable to tell which one hurt me more.

  Just as he was about to say something, Shen Zhong closed his eyes: "I've thought it through... As long as you're happy, I won't insist on anything else." "Even if it's really like you said, and the two of us can only be like this. I don't have any regrets either... Liu Jia, I loved you. When I loved you, I tried every way to pamper you, for me... in the end, I didn't disappoint you."

  I listened stupidly to what he said, but seemed to be in a state of not understanding: "What did you say?"

  "Let's break up." He opened his eyes and looked at me, with a complex gaze that made it impossible for me to confirm "I'm tired."

  I looked at Shen Duan: "But I don't want to."

  "Stop it." He waved his hand wearily "So many years... I'm really tired."

  Actually at that moment, I wasn't unresponsive, nor was I calm and rational. I had thought of many ways to deal with it, such as pleading or making amends.

  Later on many nights when I couldn't sleep, I would also lament that if I hadn't kept silent that day, if I hadn't chosen to accept... maybe I wouldn't have had to suffer so much.

  But I don't have.

  Liu Xian walked over and forcibly pulled me away: "Sister, let him rest for a while."

  "No!"

  "What about you then?" Liu Xin's eyes were slightly red, seemingly more agitated than me. "He's already like this now, he says to let go, can't you just give him a good day?"

  My hand gripped the bed sheet tightly and refused to let go.

  "Shen Dang..."

  He turned his head away and didn't look at me again.

  The last bit of hope has finally been shattered. I feel like the entire world is crumbling down around me. I never thought that one day, he wouldn't want me anymore. What am I supposed to do?

  Yes... it's always been me who's making a fuss. I've never considered his feelings before.

  I let Liu Xin push me out of the ward, she lowered her head and didn't look at me, saying: "You have a future, don't come again. Since he has already given up on you, please give each other a way to live."

  Everyone has found a way out... Only I have forced myself into an irreversible dead end. Forever unable to be reborn.