“Try Again? After the death timer runs out, it’s supposed to show Respawn, isn’t it?”
Diegi, the friendly ghost, eyes the screen of his computer monitor with great apprehension. He doesn’t know what to make of this 8-bit, retro-style button that’s just popped up on it. The rest of the GAME OVER screen, with its odd ‘soul measurements’, is at least still portrayed in a sleek modern style. But this TRY AGAIN button? Grainy and pixelated as it is? It looks like it’s straight out of an ancient Gameboy.
And yet, despite the jarring visual inconsistency, Diegi continues to stare at his monitor, unable to peel his attention away from those two little words near the bottom. Try Again. Try Again.
Ha ha, this is ridiculous. Try Again? It wants me to Try Again? To go back into that MYTH world and just… do it all again, like nothing ever happened? Of course I don’t want to try again, if I go back there I’ll just fuckin’ Die Again!
Diegi gives a weak chuckle and leans back. Or, tries to lean back, cause y’know, he doesn’t currently have a body.
Okay, that was a horrible pun. But let’s get serious. Who would willingly leave their home world to go be immersed in a world they don’t even know? One where they died not once, but twice?
“Nah nah nah. I think I’m good where I am. So what if I can’t move or leave my room? What do you think my life was like before!? I’m pretty sure I have the high school world record for most consecutive hours spent sitting in front of a computer, heh heh.”
Diegi would be shaking his head and crossing his arms, if only he had a body to do so with. His immobile husk is still sitting draped over the desk below him, so for now he has to settle with simply imagining the motions.
“Give me a few energy drinks, some packs of overprocessed pseudo-food, and I’d be set for days. Never underestimate the laziness of a stalwart gamer! So, I’m gonna stay floating right here.”
Besides, even if I wanted to press the button, I literally wouldn’t be able to. I can’t even move, let alone interact with physical objects, so that mouse is staying right where it is.
Diegi tries to relax. Sure, floating in his room as some sort of disembodied spirit will be boring, but at least he won’t have to deal with death by tutorial monster ad nauseam. Between infinite inaction and infinite death, he knows which one he prefers.
It’s alright, let’s get comfortable. I’ll be fine… I’ll be fine…
#
How long has it been?
For what feels like hours, if not tens of hours, the spectral Diegi has been thinking sullenly to himself. There isn’t much else to do. The strangely green-tinted monitor is still showing the same MYTH death screen, though given the TRY AGAIN button it’s more like a GAME OVER screen. Other than the monitor, the rest of the room is still cast in shades of grey. His body is still out of his control and is sitting immobile with its forehead lighting touching the bottom of the monitor. The only motion to be observed is the occasional gleam or wiggle of the odd letters on the monitor screen.
In summary: it’s boring as shit.
“Hnnngh… fall asleep! Fall asleep! ‘Go to sleep, go to sleep. Hush, my baby, don't weep’… not working. ‘Hush, little baby, don't say a word, Mama's gonna buy you MYTH Dollars’— okay, maybe singing lullabies about virtual currency isn’t what I need right now. Ughhhh, I’m so bored!”
Turns out that it’s a lot easier to spend hours wasting your life when there’s actually something to waste your life on. Who woulda thunk it? Not Diegi, obviously.
But I’m not gonna let that break me. No matter what, I’m not going back to that world. I mean, what stake do I hold there anymore? I don’t got any skin in this game, it’s got nothing to do with me.
*zing*
“Ah!”
Something about the last thought causes him to feel a small mental prick. Not literally, but still. It’s a strange feeling.
What the—? All I said was that what happens in the game-world isn’t my responsibility. Know what, all the stupid NPCs there could die for all I care! It’s their job to protect the city, right? So it’s none of my business anymore!
*ziiing*
“Ah, shit!”
There’s that strange feedback again. It hasn’t faded— if anything, it was actually stronger the second time. Now Diegi’s certain that this feeling isn’t some strange outside interference, it’s a sensation stemming from his own consciousness. Which, of course, can only mean one thing.
If Diegi had a head to shake, he would be furiously whipping it back and forth.
Come on, come on, come on, I’m right, I know I’m right. Just because I learned a single useful lesson from that world doesn’t mean I should take all of Automod’s self-improvement crap to heart. I don’t trust that stupid bot as far as I could throw it— and given that it’s an AI, I can’t throw it at all! So there!
Diegi waits for a brief, tension-filled moment— nothing. No strange internal feelings or emotional fluctuations. It makes sense— from the bottom of his heart, he really doesn’t trust the mysterious AI overlord at all. Nor does he really feel any great desire to grow and change as a person or whatever, even after his incredibly poor game-world experience. Humans don’t just up and change their worldview on the drop of a hat, after all. Not without entirely losing sight of who they are.
Besides, I was trying pretty damn hard at the end there. At least for the last battle, that was my best effort given the information I had. There’s nothing more for me to give.
*zing!*
“Damn it, stop doing that!”
From an average person’s way of thinking, it’s evident that Diegi should be satisfied to sit and ruminate for a good long while. So once again, he does his best to space out and do just that.
##
I tried, and I lost.
He’s positively chanting to himself at this point. For so long that he’s entirely lost track of time, forcing the same combination of words through his mind over and over.
I lost, I lost, I lost, so why…
He audibly sighs, disappointed in himself. The words lack finality. No matter how much he repeats these defeatist mantras to himself, something just won’t stop disturbing the edge of his consciousness.
—why can’t I stop thinking about the failed runs!?
He’s had hours to do nothing but float here and think. And when he has hours to think, his thoughts tend to drift towards MYTH Infinite Fantasy. And what else is there to think about regarding MYTH other than the footage of his pitiful experience he’d just been forced to watch?
It really wouldn’t have been that hard to raise my Strength and Speed attributes to a higher level. Maybe if I’d done that, I would’ve just been able to straight up kill the first tutorial monster during the first encounter? Or I could’ve gone for an indirect attack— why did I try to fight the thing head-on after noticing it wasn’t working the first time? Even after that fight, Gloria would have been a great party member to keep around. At least she’s fast, she could have carried me away from danger or something. Same with Equo during that last fight, actually, he’s real strong. If only I’d managed our positioning better—
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“NO!”
He can’t think about it too much, can’t let himself get suckered by his gamers’ obsessive match review instinct. He’d lost, it’s over. In the real world, that’s what losing means.
And yet, almost against his will, he can feel that familiar instinct to review his gameplay evolving, hardening to become another sensation entirely. Without meaning to, he’s drawing on hundreds of hours of MYTH game knowledge. Without trying to, he’s dissecting his performance. In his mind, just like he does with all his exploits, he’s recalling his gameplay and optimizing it. Floating here like this for so long, he’s even been able to make some deductive connections, between his glitches and the monsters, between the people he’s met and the city of Paxdom, that he hadn’t been able to make before. No, it isn’t against his will. Diegi’s always been good at lying— especially to himself.
As was said before; humans don’t change their entire worldview at the drop of a hat. But, as was also said before; if Diegi’s mental fortress is a house of cards— a great big structure, made of thousands of individual pieces— one or two have been blown away by the winds of his poor experience. Not to bring the entire structure toppling down, not enough to make him entirely mentally collapse… not enough to immediately make him kinder, or more caring, or more selfless, or stronger, or smarter. Just enough to make him the tiniest bit more stubborn.
Even now, he’s only thinking about himself, about his own troubles and his own trials. But thinking critically about anything is infinitely superior to not thinking at all, and as the wheels of his mind continue to turn, Diegi feels a smidgen of his old troll’s pride begin to flare back up, this time mixed with a hint of something else.
Yes, that odd sensation of his is taking shape, but not feeding into his already very healthy amount of pride. Instead, though the sensation may as well be an ant next to the mountain called pride, it’s becoming frighteningly similar to— belief. Belief in himself, similar to and yet slightly different from all his misbegotten cockiness. A belief grounded in something more stable than the trolls’ joy he siphons from others online, a belief that he’s not only made a mistake but can fix it. No— has to fix it, even if only for his own sake.
“Agh… why did I have to see that stupid replay? Did someone make me watch that on purpose, cause they knew I’d react like this…?”
When you lose, you lose, and that’s that. What’s the point of being an annoying pest, coming back over and over? Coming back to a world where I’m not welcome, where I’m the only one lacking substance?
…
…
…
“Ah ha ha, that’s what being a troll’s all about, isn’t it?”
*ziiing ziiing!*
This time, Diegi doesn’t reject the sensation.
It’s said that the finest individuals’ grandest journeys begin with a single step. Giving a slight chuckle, Diegi begins to understand the saying in the way he knows best— by comparing it to his career as the most infamous troll in MYTH Infinite Fantasy.
What kind of gamer would I be if I hadn’t been able to hit start? How would I have become so infamous online if I hadn’t been able to make that first stupid rage-inducing comment? Damn, I sound so lame right now. But still.
“What kind of MYTH player— no, screw it, even if no one else is proud of it I sure as hell am— what kind of legendary troll can’t even make a single click on the keyboard? Even if I don’t got a body to click it with— Automod didn't have one either, and it was still tossing me around. Anything’s possible, right?”
Diegi gives himself a moment to reconsider. If he does this, there’s no going back. But really, he already knows he won’t pull back now.
Okay, okay, I admit it. Even if that game-world totally sucked, it’s way better than floating in my room for the rest of eternity. I get it, I can’t just sit and do nothing forever. I get it, I can’t just ignore reality forever. Is that what you wanna hear, Automod?
The zinging sensation begins to build in Diegi’s mind like a spiritual pressure. What had previously been dancing on the edge of his consciousness pushes its way to the forefront. He lets the sensation crystallize, condensate, take a form and shape until he feels like it’s ready to burst out of his nonexistent skull. Then he begins to speak. Not in shouted words, no, they’re nothing more than a slow and unspirited whisper.
“Okay, Automod or whoever’s doing this to me, hold on a second. I’m talking directly to you, so you better listen up. I… maybe the monster attack was my fault. There’s a chance… I’m saying… it… I could have… accidentally messed up. Perhaps. Maybe… I shoulda been more careful with my choice in glitches and exploits, maybe I coulda tried a little harder, but I could fix it if you want me to. And, hey hey, maybe I would even look cool doing it?”
Yet as he speaks, he gradually gains steam. Slowly, he speaks louder and slowly, he speaks faster.
“I could fix it. I’d fix it. I could fix it, I think I could, I really believe that I could! And I know that’s not how it’s supposed to work in life, I’m not supposed to get a second or a third or a fourth chance, but… that game-world isn’t any regular old world, is it? But it’s not totally a game, either. Something in between, something else entirely— who cares? It’s real, and I’ll face that reality as it is, believe me! So maybe you should let me try again! If you want, if you’re so desperate for me to do it, I’d be willing to do it, I mean, I… could possibly try again.”
A moment of silence. And then—
“Ahem. Sorry about that, old habits die hard. What I meant to say is… I WANT TO TRY AGAIN!!”
*ZIIIIINGGGGG!!!!*
A tiny bolt of blue lightning— not unlike the beam that Automod had struck him with before except for being much smaller— arcs from right between the eyes of Diegi’s immobile body to the keyboard and mouse. And upon making impact, it only does one little thing.
*click*
Upon being selected, the TRY AGAIN button begins to pulse faster and faster, growing brighter and brighter, losing its pixelated appearance and becoming smoother and sleeker, and the rest of the GAME OVER screen begins to fade, and the soul measurements disappear, and the strange green light leaks from the screen and into the rest of the room until…
At the very last moment, with the last of his vision that’s being overwhelmed by a wave of bright green, Diegi spots the SLOTH statistic tick down from 100 to 99.
Then the burst of green light becomes a rich blue, and all of a sudden— he’s gone.
###
“...!”
Diegi, sitting down on an ornate raised stage that overlooks a vast wooden floor laden with stalls and various desks— hold on, sitting down!?
“I can sit down!? That means I did it! I did it, I’m back, wahoo!! Oh, balls— I still mean body— I missed you! I missed you so, soooo much!!”
Because trying to kiss and/or hug his own body would probably look weird, Diegi has to settle for standing up onto the wooden floor and doing a contented little jig on the spot. That probably still looked somewhat strange, but he can’t bring himself to care. He’d been fronting when he’d claimed not having a body didn’t bother him— people just aren’t psychologically built to float around as spirits.
“Okay, enough with all the theatrics. I got respawned in the Starters’ Hut, right? I think I know what I gotta do to deal with this Terry invasion… First things first, gotta update myself on the situation. Just how much time has passed since I died!?”
Diegi finally begins to pay attention to his surroundings. He cranes his head back and forth— only to freeze with a look of confusion on his face.
Hold on. This… isn’t the Starters’ Hut, is it?
Raised stage. Stalls. Desks. There’s only one place he’s visited so far that fits that description.
“Oh, shit— is this the Paxdom Adventurer’s Guild!? Since when do I respawn here!? Oh… I guess I only respawned in the Starters’ Hut once though, so I can’t exactly assume anything based off of that. Ah, you know what who cares, this saves me a lot of walking. But more importantly, what’s going on with this place?”
The entire place is eerily quiet, as well as… dark. From looking out the windows, Diegi can see that it’s thankfully still nighttime— so hopefully not too much time had passed since he’d died— but if that was the case, then it’s all the more strange that all of the Guild Hall’s many lights were extinguished.
“And nobody’s here, either. Oh, not good. Not good, not good, not good. If every single person here left—”
Does that mean the invasion was bad enough that they even evacuated the Guild staff?
Swooping in to save the day at the last moment isn’t going to have much of an effect if there’s no one left to… well, to save. Not to mention the implications that came with.
There’s no way, right? No freakin’ way? That right after I accept this place is real… everyone in the city’s… everyone in the city’s… dead?
He’s a troll, not a monster. Even for someone as morally dubious as him, the deaths of a city full of civilians— ordinary civilians he’s accepted as people— would weigh heavily on his meager conscience. Diegi clutches his head with his hands and focuses. Sight? Can’t see anyone around. Sound? Can’t hear any sounds of people moving. Heck, he can’t even hear the trademark trickle of Paxdom’s many water channels. Taste? Touch? Smell? Those aren’t too useful in this situation, but still— nothing to suggest people are alive nearby.
No, no, it can’t be. Okay, hold on, think calmly. Most of Paxdom’s citizens have got to be in the protection centers by now, right? So if the tutorial monsters had gone on autopilot ‘mob-behavior’ and made it through the gates after killing me, then the inside of the city would be totally ravaged. They’d have to tear up the entire place just to find any people to kill. So all I have to do is walk outside of the Guild Hall, and I’ll be able to tell the extent of the damage based on how the city looks.
*gulp*
He doesn’t want to do it. He really doesn’t want to do it. But for once in his life, he’s gathered the resolve to face a harsh reality head on, and so he knows he has to do it.
“H- h- here goes…”
Diegi takes slow, shuffling steps towards the Hall’s huge ornate mahogany double-doors. Once he reaches them, he takes a deep breath in—
“Hah…”
And on the deep breath out, he pushes against them with all his might, shoving them wide open…
“Eh? At a time like this!?”
…or not. No matter how hard he pushes, he can’t get the doors to even crack open the slightest bit.
“Oh, come on! Please, door, Mr Door, magnificent Mr Door, don’t rain on my parade, don’t ruin my moment! This is supposed to be when I face my fears and walk out into the city looking all badass! Don’t ruin that for me!”
After exhausting his arms, Diegi even tries to kick the huge doors open, to no avail. It seems these ridiculously huge doors as large enough that a Strength attribute of 1 just isn’t going to get the job done.
“Do you… huff… know how much… hahh… I went through… huff… for this?”
I guess a change of heart doesn’t constitute a change in power level, huh? Ah… dang it…
Diegi slumps against the door, bemoaning his fate. His body’s worn out from all the exertion, and his spirit is worn out from the massive loss in dignity he’s just incurred. Not only had he failed to open a door by force, he’d stooped low enough to consider flattery— flattery with an inanimate object— to be a viable decision. So much for looking cool.
Ugh. I said I’d improve my attributes, but I don’t exactly have the time to do a workout right here and hope it boosts my Strength enough to open the door. I’ve got to find some other way out.
Diegi, still leaning against the door, puts his hands on his hips and sighs.
If only I was some sort of otherworldly traveler, well-versed in both classic video game tropes as well as MYTH easter eggs and secrets. Especially secret passageways that players can use to quickly get in and out of Paxdom, as well as around it.
…
Diegi suddenly bolts to his feet and gives a sheepish sort of laugh.
Oh wait, I am!
####
“Hah… gotta love the old ‘hidden area plus slide-puzzle’ combo. I mean, useless-seeming statues ending up being the key to solving a problem? Statue puzzles could pretty much be their own genre at this point! Never gets old, eh?”
Casually walking out one of the pillars— yes, out of a pillar— that support the outside of the Guild Hall and turning to face it, Diegi brushes dust off of himself and laughs. It hadn’t been hard at all to exit the Guild Hall in the end. All he’d had to do was enter the Hall’s huge ‘STORAGE’ door and maneuver around some shelves to get to the Guild Hall’s secret basement. Then, by remembering the relative positions of the copper and bronze statues outside the Guild Hall, he’d solved a small slide puzzle involving miniature versions of them and had opened a variety of tunnels as a result. Finally, by picking the closest one and following the tunnel first by walking then by crawling upwards, he’d ended up inside of a hollow pillar. Grabbing an ingrained handle and pushing outwards had revealed a hidden door… and the fact that he was outside the Guild Hall.
Diegi had already known that all of that would happen, of course, but theoretically ‘knowing’ something might happen from playing a video game and seeing it play out in front of your eyes are two different matters entirely.
“Now, to check the state of the outside…”
Diegi quickly turns his head to the left away from the Guild Hall, in order to check out the condition of nearby buildings— and breathes a massive sigh of relief.
“They all look intact. Hey, how about that! The city isn’t destroyed after all, so the monsters at least haven’t made it inside, so I’m not accidentally a mass civilian murderer!”
Diegi puts a hand over his chest and feels his racing heartbeat. He begins to take a few deep breaths, trying to get it back to normal.
Man, that was weighin’ on me. Okay, after this, everything goes according to plan. No more surprises!
He clenches the hand that had been resting against his chest into a fist. Now that he doesn’t have to deal with any more unexpected variables, the first step of his plan for a perfect run could only be—
A voice unexpectedly rings out from Diegi’s right, startling him and cutting off his train of thought. Why is he so surprised? Well, because it’s not just any voice. It’s one he once would never have expected to hear anywhere near the Guild Hall in a million years.
“Ah! Um— sir!? Is that you?”