My eyes snap open, but images of death remain seared into my mind. My breath comes in short, quick bursts as my heart wrestles my ribs. The room’s darkness provides the perfect backdrop for my nightmare to play out again.

  I see myself standing at the top of the bell tower, my arrow drawn, aiming at something below. But the space is empty, save for one soul. Ivan stands alone. I release my arrow as the crack of a gun sounds off. The arrow buries itself into Ivan’s chest, over his heart. Then I look down and my hands are red, my clothes soaked in blood.

  Eli’s tired arms wrap around my middle from behind, pulling me closer as he makes a sound, halfway between a sigh and a moan.

  “Are you awake?” I whisper.

  His grip relaxes, his breath deepening. Just when I think he is asleep a breathy mumble comes from behind, “If you want me to be.”

  I turn around to face him and press myself against his chest. He responds by holding me tighter and kissing the top of my head. I close my eyes and breathe him in. Eli has this wonderful scent. Impossible to describe, but it pulls me in, sending heat sparking through my veins. My muscles ease and tension release as Eli’s warmth wraps around me, cloaking me from the world beyond. Shielding from the world’s pains and hurts. Except some hurts don’t come from the outside. And those are the ones that pierce the deepest.

  “Do you remember when I stopped you from killing that boy from the camp?”

  The soft stroking of his thumb pauses on my back.

  “Am I still…” My heartbeat picks up, “do you think if that happened today, would I still stop you?”

  He pulls away to look at me. The oil lamp posts outside the window shine just enough to light his eyes. After a moment, his head tilts.

  “What are you asking?”

  What am I asking?

  I can’t shake the nightmare. It seems so real. But what scares me is how I feel nothing in the dream. I kill Ivan—Ivan, my own flesh and blood, my family—without so much as blinking an eye. It terrifies me.

  “I’ve done horrible things; shouldn’t I feel something about it? I don’t…” My fingers close to fists on his chest, head bowing. “I just don’t.”

  He reaches up to touch cheek. “You once told me I kill too easily.”

  I remember. Back then, we were strangers from two different worlds. But now, I’m not so sure. Every day, I float a little further away, and I fear I’m too lost now to ever find my way back to where I started.

  “Tell me what you meant by that,” he says.

  I remember the fear in Mikey’s eyes. The ease with which Eli raised his sword to cut him down and the sudden panic in my chest.

  “I guess…” I close my eyes. “If someone is my enemy, I feel no remorse when they die because it’s either them or me. It’s simply survival. But not everyone is an enemy. And if I make those people who are not my enemies to be exactly that for my own reasons then…” I frown, sighing into Eli’s chest. “Killing becomes too easy.”

  “Then who do you see as your enemy?”

  I tense in his arms. Not Ivan. If Ivan is my enemy then I don’t want to fight anymore. I may hate him, hate what he is trying to do, but he is my brother. I will always love him. And some part of me still clings to the hope that I can reconcile him and Eli. Even if it’s just barely. But the other part despises him for bringing me to this place where I must choose between them.

  Tightness in the back of my throat chokes out a swallow. “I feel like it’s me.”

  Two creatures battle to the death inside me. They circle and gnash their teeth. Flesh rips open and blood pours out as the life of my brother—my humanity—hangs in the balance. But now it’s not just my brother who makes me human. It’s Eli, too. He is my family now. He’s my hope—my anchor—in this world which seems to hold nothing but one storm after another.

  “Would you believe that the Red King was a coward?”

  I frown, pulling back to eye him. I haven’t heard him say the name out loud before and it sounds strange coming from his lips. Like the ache of pain from a wound made long ago.

  “I killed so many before that name was given to me.”

  “But you did it to survive.”

  “At first, yes. But after a while, the line between survival and safety blurred. Then the line between safety and strength followed.”

  “Killing became easy.” I finish for him.

  “Yes. And some part of me knew it. Saw what I was becoming. It scared me. Because I knew there was no undoing what I had done. No way to bring back the lives I had needlessly taken. So I embraced it and became the monster I feared I was.”

  “What happened then?”

  “I stumbled upon a man dying in the woods which brought me back to my sister’s letters.”

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  A beat of silence passes between us. The time capsule.

  “She reminded me it’s never too late to turn around. To stop running from the thing you fear, face it, and start off in the right direction again.”

  The right direction?

  Once upon a time, I would have done anything for Ivan. To see him safe. To see him happy. But now, the man wearing his face lacks the heart of the brother I love.

  “What is the right direction?”

  Eli kisses my forehead. “That’s something we decide for ourselves but I find it usually starts with saving a life, or at the very least, not taking it.”

  What a romantic notion. If only my brother could adopt the same sentiment.

  “Do you think there’s hope?” I meet his eyes in earnest. “For you and Ivan to reconcile?”

  The question consumed my thoughts since the moment I learned what happened between them. Despite everything, I still can’t give up on Ivan. No matter how impossible things seem.

  Eli smiles sadly. “I’m afraid it’s not up to me. But for you, yes. I would reconcile with the man in a heartbeat.”

  ~~~

  Night comes and goes, and I get so little rest because of Eli, that I sleep right through the morning. Thomas sneaks us food in the afternoon and when evening rolls around, he takes a seat to announce good news.

  “I may have a way to get the both of you out of the city. It’ll be a tight squeeze, only room for two, but I don’t think personal space will be an issue with the both of you.”

  Heat trickles to my cheeks. That, it is not. In fact, I think the opposite would be a problem. Ever since last night, Eli has shown another side of himself I never knew existed. The—dare I say—needy side. I never knew the man was such a—how to put it—high-contact type of person. The holding and hugging and kissing are practically unending as well as…other things. He is exhausting, but in the most splendid of ways.

  “How soon?” Eli asks.

  “With the lockdown in place, the earliest my contact can get you out is in two days.”

  Eli looks down, worried. And I know why. Every additional day in the city gives Ivan more time to find us. To find Eli. And if Ivan gets his hands on him a second time you can bet there will be no drawn-out execution. No fancy speeches. Just a bullet to the head and it’s over.

  I take hold of Eli’s hand and squeeze.

  “Thank you, Thomas. We couldn’t have gotten this far without you,” I say.

  Thomas smiles at me, standing to go. “I’ll keep an eye out for anything sooner, but for right now this is our best bet.”

  Thomas leaves and Eli sits beside me, lost in thought. I reach up, threading my fingers through his hair and he closes his eyes, dipping his head into the curve of my shoulder. As I massage his scalp, the man melts like butter, letting out an exhausted sigh. I bite my lip to keep my grin inside.

  “You make this way too easy,” I comment quietly.

  He grunts softly, obviously distracted. “Not…my…fault.” His mumbled reply comes out in the slow, steady rhythm of my fingers. “..impossible…” I miss the rest, as it seems whatever semblance of thought he had dissolves into the ether between my fingers.

  I work my way down the back of his neck and then shoulders before pulling my hands away. After a long moment, he lifts his head with heavy-lidded eyes as if he just woke from a million-year slumber.

  He glances down and takes my hands, clutching them to his chest.

  I raise a brow, amused. “What are you doing?”

  “I just realized I must protect these fingers at all costs.”

  I fight the grin and shake my head, “just my fingers, then?”

  He blinks and mischief slinks forward, “maybe a few other things. Like these”—he leans in and kisses me sweetly on the lips—“And this.” He kisses my jaw, trailing down my neck. “And this.” He goes lower. “And—”

  A light knocking on the door gives him pause. It opens and Fin comes bringing dinner. I thank the poor boy who always seems so wary around Eli, as if he was some wild creature who wandered in from the woods. If Eli notices, he doesn’t show it.

  If I ever thought Eli watched me, before it is nothing compared to his constant stare now. I swear the man is memorizing every molecule of my face. Every time our eyes meet, he smirks as if he were the one who caught me staring and I roll my eyes at the fool.

  “What are you thinking about?” I ask, finishing up my roast lamb. He practically inhaled dinner and it’s no wonder why when he sneaks onto the bed behind me.

  He brushes my hair aside and I shiver against his touch as his kisses caress down the side of my neck. “All the places I want to take you.”

  “Oh?”

  He works his way to my shoulder blade and then over to my spine sending a flutter in my stomach, and I push away my leftover lamb.

  “Like where?”

  “Everywhere.” He smiles on my skin. “It’s a surprise.”

  “Places like the cove with the lights?”

  “Yes.” The word comes out throaty and his hands slip under my shirt, pulling me closer. “But more romantic.”

  I chew back a smile and narrow my eyes teasingly. “Really? What do you know about romance?”

  He looks up, suddenly serious. “I’ve read some things.”

  “Hm.” I give him a purposely skeptical look, “I’m not convinced.”

  He stops for a moment and I wonder what he’s conniving back there. Then I’m swept up into the air, flying over the bed and across the room in his arms as he carries me. I press my lips together to stifle a giggle at his look of pure victory.

  “Do you feel that?” he asks, eyes alight with more wonder than I ever thought possible.

  “Feel what?”

  “That feeling, behind your smile. That’s what it is. That’s romance.”

  I finally understand why people before the stone could have so much and yet still be so miserable. The more you have, the more you have to lose. And I’ve never had so much in my life.

  It scares me.

  If I lose him now, how could I ever go back to the way things were before? I can’t. I would be alone. More so than ever before. When I lost my parents at least I had Uncle. And when I lost Uncle, then I had Ivan. But now, if Ivan kills Eli I would be left with nothing. No one. I fear it would finally sever this last thread of love I have left for Ivan. It would break me into pieces. And the pieces would be too great to put back together.

  It’s not until Eli’s brows arch in concern and he quickly sets me back onto my feet do I notice the tears slipping down my cheeks.

  “What’s—” he starts but I interrupt.

  “Promise me nothing will happen to you. Promise you’ll stay safe—” Emotion cuts off my voice and Eli pulls me close in an instant.

  “We’ll make it out of here,” he says quietly, pressing his lips to my head in a kiss. “I’ll make sure of it.”