The lizards looked me up and down, reevaluating me. I put my fists up and my legs wide, almost as wide as my grin. Slowly, the biggest lizard stepped forward, as it slowly gained confidence and stood on its two hind paws.
Oh, crap. My grin faded as my adrenaline enhanced confidence faltered. The lizard was much, much bigger than me.
What the heck am I doing?! I’m not a tank! Oh, sweet heavens above! I’m not going to win, I’m going to die! “C-come on b-bucko! P-put u-um up!”
The lizard stared at me like I was retarded--
The System detects unsafe language.
-5 Health Points
*Error* Language directed at Player. *Error*
+5 Health Points
*Will you please stop messing with my algorithm? Thanks, retard, I do enough for you as it is. *
--like I was mentally disabled.
The rapid influx of my Health pool had made me dizzy and off balance, I swayed and the lizard attacked. He went for my face --or where my face should have been-- and immediately started clawing and scratching. My wax covering saved me for a moment, but soon I’d be taking damage. I just jumped into battle after seeing memories that were probably not even mine, I’m such a moron!
Frantically, I pushed on the lizard, but my string cheese arms were too weak, even against a lizard. Pain ripped through me as the lizard snapped at my arm and sent it flying like it’d gained wings.
The lizard stopped attacking me for a moment and we --everyone else too-- stared at the severed limb.
I shrieked, grabbing my stump with my other hand, trying to stop the blood. Expecting the warm, sticky sensation of blood, I was surprised when I felt nothing. There was just a jagged cut in my cheesy flesh where my arm had been. Not even Fondo. Just flesh. That’s freaky.
Taking advantage of my distraction, the lizard bit down on my hand covering the stump. I shrieked again and --in my panic-- yelled, “Fireball!”
The lizard exploded in a bloody rain fall of guts. And that's how I got covered in blood and bodily fluids for the second time that day.
Congratulations!
You have gained the class;
Mage!
*Error* You already have the class;
Mage
Congratulations!
You have learned a new spell;
Fireball!
*Error* You already know the spell;
Fireball
*Error* Dual casting unavailable because of condition;
Severed arm
Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.
Lizard dead! +1 Stat point
*It's usually very hard for a mage to lose a limb, but then again, most mages don’t run headfirst into battle! The System wishes he could give you the condition ‘Moron’ to you, but as you are in active battle that would cause harm to your person. The System isn’t allowed to take sides. *
Congratulations!
Title gained;
‘I’m a Tank, I swear!’
You're an idiot who thinks just because his cause is justified that it means you can’t die.
+2 strength +2 immovability
I wheeled around to face the other lizards, only to find them scurrying up the tree and into the foliage.
Lizards have retreated. You are no longer in active battle.
*Wow. Maybe you should blow people more often. I meant explosions, but the other wording was funny, so I left it. *
Icky lay on the grass between me and the tree looking helpless as he was prone and unmoving, most likely dead. My wax wrinkled into a scowling frown. I hurried forward, pushing the other lizards from my mind.
As I got closer, I noticed that he wasn’t dead, his chest moved up and down slowly. I let out a breath, my shoulders slumped down, and I reached up and rubbed the scrunched-up wax above my mouth. I really needed some glasses or something to show where my eyes were supposed to be, maybe I could carve some eyes on? I dismissed that idea, I’d never been much of an artist, besides, Icky still needed to be woken up.
“Hey!” I yelled. Icky didn’t react. I tentatively reached out and poked him with my hand. My finger was far softer than it should have been, so it squashed into his back.
Leaping up into the air, Icky pulled away from my finger like it was a burning knife. I jerked back as he screamed. “Great leaping Neelia! That’s hot! Why on earth did you do that?!”
“You weren't moving!” I defended, glancing at the red welt on his back and wincing. “What else could I do but touch you?”
“Touch me with a stick or something! Not with your melty hand! That burns!”
“Fine!” I threw my remaining arm into the air in exasperation. “It’s not like I saved your life or anything, I’ll just go about my merry way pretending that I got the recognition I deserve!”
Icky turned away from me, licking his burn. I swallowed, my stomach starting to roil with a burning sense of shame. The urge to curl up into a ball was there, it always was with guilt, but I couldn’t do that. Then he’d know I felt bad about it. I couldn’t care, caring hurt you more than anything else.
I huffed a little breath and stomped toward my arm. I got there, bent over, picked it up, and almost immediately tried to drop it as it started to fuse with my remaining arm. I was too late as my, significantly cooled down, hand was now fully fused to my left arm.
New Skill Learned!
Cheese shaping
Cheese shaping is a skill that allows you to shape your cheesy body. *The fact that it has the same name as a skill that cheese makers use to shape non sentient cheese is just lazy on my part. Sorry, not sorry. *
Cheese shaping is a sub skill of;
Flesh shaping
You already know Flesh shaping, skills automatically combined.
Flesh shaping? Creepy. What kind of person was I? I decided to ignore the creepy implications and placed my arm where it had been before.
Do you wish to use ‘Flesh shaping’ to reattach your arm?
(Y/N)
Yes.
My arm melted and reformed in the proper place. “Hey! My arm’s back!”
Icky glanced over at me from where he was licking his wounds. I waved my arm at him enthusiastically, giggling like a maniac. Icky smiled at me. Or snarled. It was hard to tell.
Pausing, I glanced at him. “Uh, well…” I sucked on my lower cheesy lip, the flavor seeped into my mouth, so I stopped quickly --I didn’t want to be a cannibal-- and kicked a small rock. “I… guess I’ll go now.”
Icky went back to licking his burn.
I hesitated. “You, uh, you can come if you’d like.”
Narrowing his eyes at me, Icky quickly licked them and muttered. “Why would you want me to come?”
I set my toe on the rock, wiggling it back and forth. “Want? No, it’s just, er, those big lizards seem like trouble, and you seem nice enough company, so I guess you can come.”
Icky hesitated, glancing at his rock. “I… I don’t think I can leave. Sorry.”
Nodding, I brought my hands together and twiddled my thumbs. “Oh, it’s fine.” I kicked the rock at the tree, and it gently knocked into it. “It’s not like I wanted you to come anyway, I just don’t want to get bored.”
“Yeah…” Icky said before trailing off and scuttling under his rock.
Turning around with a sigh, I slowly started to walk away. Just to sell the dramatic effect, I looked back a couple times, but Icky was never there. I shook my head. Who knew the next time I met someone who didn’t kidnap me or attack on sight?
You are now in active battle.
Wait, what?
