Chapter 47: You’re not Ready

  "Trust me, my Leonard," Althea said as I straightened up after a jump from the ramp. Pylades, High Priestess, and my shadow - Idas - observed in silence. Each focused on something different. Pylades on my form. The High Priestess fixed on catalyst levels. Idas seemingly on the surroundings, yet his fists clenched each time I grunted after landing on the grey floor of the spacious gym.

  *Trust her? Good one. That's a nope.* I chuckled. Pylades looked at me with curiosity, but didn't say a word. He knew by now that when I talk in my rustling language, I talk to my guide.

  *I don't want to enter spirit world, no thank you. But that traitor, damn it. Temple walks blind. Weeks passed since the attack and they have nothing. Going to the spirit world with Althea... Something about this feels wrong. Still, leaving the traitor for the Temple may be bigger risk.*

  *Fuck. Bad and worse choices.*

  "I need reassurance. I'm scared. I need to be sure I can go back to real world if something bad happens."

  I climbed the ramp again. Each step an effort. Water sloshed, reminding me of home — the house by the seaside.

  "I would never want to hurt you, my Leonard," Althea said tenderly.

  "Yeah, yeah, if you say so. I need guarantee."

  My jump didn't last long. Just a moment. But the pain lasted much longer.

  "What about a safety word? If you say that word, I'll disconnect you immediately. I promise. I always keep my promises."

  *Hm... that could work, if she'll obey. To be honest, when commanded, she obeyed. In her own way, she also delivered on her past promises. She does help me in the Crucible.*

  Climb.

  "Veronica - that's the word. If I say 'Veronica' you must immediately bring me back to reality. That's an order."

  "'Veronica', do you confirm the word as command to disconnect you from the spirit world?"

  "Yes. But we do it tomorrow."

  Jump.

  "Leonard. Don't lie to me."

  Impact — I fell on my knee, because my right leg gave out.

  "I'm not — I just procrastinate, Althea."

  "Alright, my dear Leonard, I waited so long, I can wait one more day. It's set then! Tomorrow I'll take you into the spirit world, it will be wonderful!"

  Rest of the training went in silence, neither I nor Althea spoke anymore.

  Buckets of sweat later my efforts were rewarded with full catalyst binding. This time without Althea's help.

  "Superb, my Leonard!" Althea celebrated like I'd just won the Olympics.

  Victory was entirely mine. I laughed like a maniac before Pylades almost killed me in a bear hug. Then Idas joined and I passed out.

  ~ ? ? ~

  The next morning Idas welcomed me again in my cell. While he placed my breakfast on the desk, I asked:

  "Didn't you rotate?"

  "I cover for Silvanus, but no worries, I rested well during the night," Idas replied.

  I tried to read him. Hard to do, with the full shadow armor covering everything.

  "Idas. Don't do that again. The shift schedule is for a reason. Your imperfect condition may cost me my life. Understood?"

  "Y-yes, Saint Leonard, I'm sorry, I'll keep that in mind," he replied sheepishly, then he muttered under his breath. "You have high standards."

  "Live up to them, I know you can, I wouldn't pick you otherwise."

  These words seemed to encourage him a little, though we finished breakfast in an uneasy quiet. Then maybe an hour later, after a refreshing bath, I found Pythia in front of my cell. Behind her was a crowd of my believers, and further back — Vespera, behind my stalkers. I briefly looked around, but nothing caught my attention except that the High Priestess was nowhere to be found.

  *I hope she'll-*

  *Idiot. You hope what?*

  "Saint Leonard — today is tomorrow-tomorrow, surely double tomorrow counts?" Pythia said.

  I gulped. *Yeah, it is, two days after I told you we'll speak tomorrow. But yesterday was a briefing with Argus. And today I'm about to try to enter spirit world.*

  "I'm terribly sorry, Highest Priestess." A shallow bow. My neck prickled. The regulars hummed and chanted behind Pythia — priests and rough-looking peasants mingled together. Nothing out of the ordinary.

  "The fault is mine, but I..." My pulse climbed. Not because of Pythia. Something else. Something was wrong.

  Idas stood half-step away from me, slightly in front. I almost stepped back, stopped by the closed door at my back. Pythia stood on the right, close enough to make it clear she's here for me, but within polite distance. The shadow guard at Pythia's side surveyed my believers, bored. Relaxed.

  *Not a threat.*

  All my muscles tensed, fight or flight.

  Behind Pythia the corridor unfolded, and within a few meters Vespera stood behind a group of my believers. She peeked from between the crowd. At the end of the hallway there was a staircase. A familiar sight.

  *They're far, nothing out of place, they're no danger.*

  "Yes, Saint Leonard?"

  "Yes, yes, uhm..." I said looking to the left to the opposite end of the corridor.

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  There, a single maid with a brush swept the floor. She turned away before I could get a good look. Her movements were slow and deliberate. Precise. Repetitive.

  My fists clenched.

  Her black and white clothes were clean and elegant, although nothing fancy. She kept sweeping the same spot.

  Left. Right.

  Left. Right.

  Like a robot.

  *I didn't see a maid here before. Not that late in the morning. And that spot surely must be clean now.*

  "Althea," I said in this world's language so that Pythia could hear. Her face stiffened at my guide's name, like she was suppressing anger. "Do you sense the intruder?"

  "Not at the moment."

  I swallowed audibly.

  *She may be wrong. She didn't sense intruder right away last time. And she missed it was the tailor.*

  "Idas, do you know that maid?" Pythia, her shadow and Idas, like by command, all moved their heads toward the maid.

  The maid froze.

  "No, Saint Leonard."

  *Nobody stepped in for her. Better safe than sorry.*

  "Secure the maid, Idas." He lunged forward — "Stop! What is the meaning of this, Saint Leonard?" Pythia asked with her eyebrows up. Idas stopped in his tracks.

  "That's an order, soldier!" I shouted at Idas and he launched forward toward the maid. In maybe two seconds Idas pressed the maid against the wall, twisting her hands behind her back. She let out a small yelp and her brush fell on the stone floor with a dramatic clank. The ceremonial crowd emitted surprised sighs and frightened gasps. Their net of eyes glared at me.

  "Leonard, what are you doing!" Pythia lost her composure.

  "Turn her to us, show her eyes."

  He did.

  What we saw was a frightened girl, tears all over her face, eyes clearly neither hollow nor absent.

  *Fuck, she seems normal. But the tailor looked scared back then too, and he turned out to be the traitor.*

  "Search her, Idas." I grunted into my fist and faced Pythia. "She was acting strange — moving like a puppet, cleaning the same spot. And I've never seen her before, and it's too late for her to be here."

  Highest Priestess gave me a pitiful look.

  *She thinks I'm paranoid. I kinda am but that's beyond the point here.*

  "She's clear," came from where Idas was. "Hermes confirms she works here, although started recently."

  For a split second, the maid's face hardened. Then came an unladylike sniff and a loud sob that made me doubt myself.

  *What was that?*

  Silence. The awkward kind. The one that makes your head spin with ideas about how to break it without making it worse. Now everybody looked at me.

  The maid kept crying, still shaking.

  "Release her, Idas," I said.

  The maid wiped her nose on her sleeve and snatched her brush, then ran off.

  Pythia gently placed her hand on my arm. "Every single person here is thoroughly checked for evil magic," she said.

  "They missed the tailor," Althea noted.

  "Can you check her for a corrupted seal?" I asked.

  Pythia gave me a long, heavy gaze.

  "The Medea seal, it seems, is dormant, so the restless sentinel's scan does not detect it. The only way to find out is surgery. But it's lethal. The seal is not at the wrist — its core is either inside the heart, brainstem or sternum. The rest spreads chaotically within the body, making it very hard to discover. Hidden deep within."

  "I see, so you would have to kill her to find out? That's..."

  "As you see," Pythia took her hand back, "Althea's capability to detect intruder is very important."

  "I'm working on this," I sold her the half-truth.

  She considered my reply, hands clasped in front of her, the way Evad—High Priestess used to. After a while, she spoke like she was trying to comfort me:

  "Don't mind this, Leonard. Focus on your training. Everything else can wait, everything else is secondary. We will handle this, you have the Crucible to finish."

  "Fine."

  Pythia's face broke into an apologetic smile, leaving me speechless. With a quick nod, she began leaving, but stopped at the last moment.

  "One more thing, we can talk about it more later if you'd like. Please find patience. Do not make decisions that you're going to regret later." And with that, she finally left. Her heels clicked elegantly on the floor.

  *What did she mean? Choices? Patience? Did she mean my deal with Argus?*

  The believers looked down under my gaze and resumed their chanting and humming, like nothing happened. Vespera vanished.

  *If she's worried she loses control over me, she's right. Regardless if I'm right, I want to make my own choices, for fuck sake.*

  Idas returned to my side.

  *And about Idas... I need guards I can trust. Someone who'll stand by me regardless of the situation. I hoped he could be like that.*

  "Idas," I said flatly.

  "Yes, Saint Leonard?"

  "I gave you an order. Whether I'm right or wrong — if you hesitate in a threat situation, you're out. Last warning."

  "Understood... Leonard."

  ~ ? ? ~

  I wasn't sure what twisted train of thought led me to the Prayer Room, but my stalkers seemed to be in heaven. It served the 'Saint' persona well, but did nothing good for the real me. Or maybe, I just didn't want to face the spot where I broke.

  *Sooner or later I have to face my demons — today is as bad a time as any.*

  The whole Prayer Room went quiet upon my entry. I fixed my glare on the sculpture of Pandora, like the stare alone could wring answers out of her. Whispers surrounded me while I marched toward the spot just in front of the sculpture.

  "It's Saint, look!"

  "He came back, how devoted..."

  "Shh! Look how focused he is!"

  "Take example, and pray."

  The bystanders took my glare as a sign of devotion. *Fools.* Cold shivers shook my shoulders when I met the hollow eyes of the sculpture. *I should have listened to Idas and grabbed a 'beer' with the 'boys'.*

  *To hell with all this, you only live once.*

  "Althea, what now?" I asked loudly, not giving a single fuck about the grotesque spectacle of half-naked people around me.

  "You should sit or kneel, my Leonard. Just in case."

  The orbs under the ceiling shone bright, dispersing any shadow in the room. I took a deep breath. Strong smell of incense invaded my nostrils.

  "Althea," I hissed through gritted teeth, "explain. Now."

  "It's just a safety measure. It's your first time and it may be overwhelming."

  "How long will it take, Althea?"

  "Likely less than a few seconds. If you master this, then however long you want, my Leonard. Be calm. Listen to my voice. Everything is going to be alright." She knew how to sound comforting. "I promise."

  I knelt. The stone floor wasn't exactly comfortable — hard surface pressed against my knees. I settled back on my heels and turned to Idas, ignoring the watching crowd.

  "Idas, if I stop responding every ten seconds, call for Evadne. Tell her I tried what First Men did, that I wanted to become a legend. She will know." *Hopefully.*

  Idas gave nothing away, face hidden behind the armor. He stood like a sculpture, but finally he gave a weak nod.

  "Alright, Leonard. I'll be right here. And we can still walk away. We can watch Silvanus make a foul of himself after two beers, and play cards before-"

  "Thank you, Idas." I waved to him to get closer. When he leaned to me, I whispered. "This is about the traitor. I'll try to enter the spirit world and find him. Don't tell anyone except if... you know, I don't come back in ten seconds."

  Idas froze again. People around kept murmuring and exposing themselves to "Pandora's light" like performers in a cheap spectacle of "modern" art. After what felt like an eternity, he replied: "I hope you know what you're doing, Leonard. I can't help you there." He placed his hand on my shoulder. "Good luck." He stepped back like nothing happened.

  I stretched my arms and placed them on the floor in front, like to some ritualistic prayer.

  *Like a sphinx.* I chuckled internally.

  If I could, I would just lie down, but this pose seemed more fitting to the prayer room and my 'Saint' image. Less foolish.

  "OK, Althea. Let's do this."

  "Imagine the spirit world the way you remember it. Think about the seal, the mark, and do want to enter there."

  *Imagine, huh? How was it... It was all nothingness until the space split in two — whiteness above and blackness below.* I gulped nervously. *But it was not whiteness exactly, but two shining eyes, like a burning sun and serene moon.*

  Strange sensation traversed from my wrist. Odd numbness crept up to my shoulder.

  *And the blackness wasn't empty either. It was a constellation of stars, a net of glaring eyes - right at me in the center.*

  Somehow, I felt it. The same dread as that cursed day when I said yes to Pandora's gift. I was in two places — the cold stone floor and the numb nothing of the void — and the feeling was splitting me apart.

  The seal was ice-cold and the mark flared hot.

  Something clicked in me and then - then I saw it, on top of my normal vision. The void. I saw it but I also saw the same grey, rough surface of the floor.

  The void pulled me like in a black hole, stretched my mind and body like a rubber. Yet I remained in the same place - in the prayer room.

  The void took away all warmth from me and seemed to stop my thoughts, my heart and my movements - yet my hands trembled, my breath quickened, and my heart went wild in my ribcage. I remained slightly feverish like I always was in the mornings.

  The impossible, contrasting sensations tore me like a sheet of paper.

  "Veronica."

  "Veronica! Veronica-Veronica!"