The closet in her tower had been filled with dresses in bold color schemes but she’d always been too scared to wear them. When she was out people treated her as an extension of her mother’s cruelness and in the tower, she’d been treated by her mother’s harem like she was trying to fill shoes that didn’t fit her. In this life there wasn’t a looming figure she had to live up to though and even if there was she wasn’t a little girl anymore stuck in a tower.

  She existed like a plant warning of poison on average she was fine to exist without trouble but come close and she could destroy them.

  Nerezza was greeted by a well dressed staff member that introduced himself as Housh and led her to a table well adorned with sweets and little sandwiches set for a tea time though she was the only one in attendance. She was left alone in the room and she took it upon herself to stand and wander over to the etched crystal with a moving clip of the man and the three young boys. Zephon stood like a doll with little to no expression, Garion looked like a little lion cub with the strait lined scars on his cheek and Reem always had a flicker of mischief and knowing to his eyes.

  There descriptions lived in her heart and the picture brought them even more to life.

  Then a knot of guilt tied through her. She would never regret removing Belladonna from Guardian Showl’s story but it was another thing entirely to know she’d directly and intentionally prevented an existence from happening. The child of Guardian Showl and Belladonna had been innocent. She’d been thrust into a world that wasn’t a kind one and did what she had to do but tried to help. It felt terrible that she’d not get a chance to have a better time. But maybe like her the soul would find somewhere new.

  The muttered argument on the other side of the door warned her and gave her enough time to sit and mask her emotions. Guardian Showl himself stepped through the door.

  “Reem.” His father sighed as the boy ducked past him and buzzed around before beelining for her. She instinctively opened her arms offering the comfort she knew all to well he searched for. He thumped into her arms and grinned at her.

  “Hello.” He breathed like he’d been waiting for her. Nerezza couldn’t help the smirk that crossed her face and she tweaked his nose.

  “You’re a bit of trouble aren’t you?” She asked in the same affectionate tone Dru often had for her. Reem scrunched his nose and shook his head denying it. “It’s alright I like trouble.” She teased him brushing back his hair pulling at the shadows un knitting the ill wishes and curses in bits. She recognized the wave of worry that radiated from Reem despite his mischievous and full smile. The cautious acceptance of affection waiting for the moment the bright thing suddenly looked dark. She didn’t remove the hand that stroked his hair she didn’t take back her affection and she refused to wavier. “You are a sweet boy. You never need to worry that I’ll forget that even when you are trouble.” She promised him.

  His smiled fell for a moment and he really stared at her and then his face brightened like the sun and he tugged himself into her lap. Happily kicking his feet.

  The Guardian Showl was watching them silently he looked surprised and there was the slightest bit of negative she new not to fear anymore. Not all dark emotions were dangerous.

  “Reem, Go find Zephon and Garion.” He requested. Reem pouted and looked at her with large baby eyes like she’d give him a better answer. Nerezza had to break it to him but she wasn’t going to argue with his father’s decisions.

  “Go on. I’ll come find you before I leave to say goodbye and maybe I’ll even show you and your brothers one of my many tricks.” She offered to him. Reem narrowed his eyes.

  “Promise.” He breathed.

  “To the first half yes.” She agreed. His eyes lit. He jumped down and ran out of the room. Nerezza only turned to Guardian Showl when the boy was completely gone.

  He lowered into the seat across from her and summoned for someone to bring out tea.

  When it was poured it was a bright red, It tasted of fruit and honey and her mind wouldn’t allow her to not remember how Belladonna had poisoned this very tea. It was his favorite tea and he always had it at least once a day.

  “Help yourself to anything.” He offered motioning to the food she hadn’t touched. To be polite she made a small plate of sweets and two triangles of sandwich. “How are you Madam Nerezza?” He asked his pleasantries rather stiff. She smiled it was something else very familiar from the books. He was always described as polite but stiff with everyone but his sons. Even his wife he never made if past stiff fraises.

  “I am very well thank you Guardian Showl and how are you this fine evening?” She asked far brighter and smoother then his own. He nodded looking at his own piece together plate. Then he opened his ironed straight pocket pulling out an opened envelope.

  “I didn’t know the order was going to send that request.” He assured her. Nerezza smiled at him nodding.\

  “I assumed as much.” She offered. Guardian Showl shifted before opening the envelope and pulling out a golden sheet that was a signature she’d developed for herself. It was folded but she knew it would be her rejection.

  “I am aware that you rejected it almost immediately.” He offered sounding if her ears weren’t fooling her self-conscious. Nothing in the books or the verbal stories she’d heard had ever led her to believe that his confidence was easily shaken. She nodded.

  “I worked very hard to be able to leave may parent’s household as to not be placed in an arrangement. I am not too keen of giving the Order a power I was not willing to give to my own blood.” She offered as explanation. Her words left her lips and the Guardian Showl visibly relaxed.

  “So, it wasn’t me… Or the children?” He asked. Nerezza blinked surprised by the question. She shook her head. He looked chagrined. “I thought it might have been when you didn’t respond as swiftly as your reputation indicates you would.” He admitted. Nerezza sat still holding her breath then she leaned forward catching Guardian Showl’s eyes. They weren’t like hers they were far darker like the night itself.

  “I will be honest with you. I don’t have the words to explain to you in a way that you’d be able to accept so easily. I’m still figuring it all out myself but stories of your family…” She trailed feeling herself warm a bit. “Have been what has gotten me through many hard times. It’s not because of you or your boys that I refused. It’s because I don’t like being blindsided and I don’t like the feeling that I am somebodies tool.” She laid out for him. Then she looked away. “And in the case of your invitation… I was worried.” She admitted though it chipped a bit at her pride.

  “That’s why I offered that you could bring someone else.” He insisted. She shook her head grinning.

  “This wasn’t a worry that could be solved by someone else. I was worried that the stories were wrong. The existence of a family, that is full of love though it’s pieced together and there are shadows and scars but they work to figure them out is something that was awe striking for me and if their was a lie in it. Ithink that it would break a fundamental piece of my hope.” She admitted sipping the tea. It was a very nice tea.

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  Nerezza ventured a glance at him and as expected he didn’t know what to do with the information, she gave but she didn’t think lying would have been good either. Their existence was so engrained in the moments she needed something most that if she did hang around it would be found out or create misunderstandings too fast. And she realized seeing Reem she would need to show up again she couldn’t let him live through the pain that had been hinted in the series.

  Nerezza though understood it was an uncomfortable topic and it was probably time she gave him a moment.

  “I think maybe I should-” She’d started to stand brushing down her skirts. He stood sharply and took her hand stopping her. Her eyes fell to the touch dumbly and he quickly released her looking a bit flustered.

  “If I made the request right now would it change you answer?” He asked her his words running together a bit before he eased back into steadiness. His words took a minute to process and yet they still didn’t make sense to her but he stood unwavering once again. She’d truly never meant to take anything meant for another. She’d purchase land that was specifically supposed to be inhabitable because of beasts and with the help of Dru and Joi she’d turned it into a lovely home. She’d only approached Dru because he’d avoided being anyone’s tutor for long and only accepted his decision to take her in and adopt her into his family at fourteen was because Dru’s biggest part in the series was the fact that he never produced an heir and stubbornly didn’t chose one.

  She’d tried to make her life itself be separate from the stories the altering of the original story lines she treated almost like a job. She did what had to be done and then went home and had a life where she was free to learn anything. What she’d wanted most was to live in a house with Dru who would work on his studies and come out when he wanted to vent or simply talk and her Mama who she’d planted an extensive garden for with a swing surrounded by daisies. Though she hadn’t had a body to bury she’d given her Mama a grave under those Daisies. Her father she’d given him the respect of having his name etched into his family tomb but past that she never went to see him. She went to the swing though fairly often.

  She felt pain radiate through her heart.

  This man could find someone so much more amazing that would fit with this family and make it even more vibrant. She’d want to see it. To see this families love, grow. To have more to believe in. She longed for the trust that the four had in each other.

  Nerezza thought she’d buried these desires and concerns. Looking for acceptance was a waste of time. Yet, it was why she was too scared to answer.

  The fluster in his face started to growing again pulling her out of her worrying. She was reminded of the fact that the books never had him as anything but steady, dependable the picture of confidence.

  “There isn’t just one of you there’s four. If you and your boys were willing to accept me and figure out where I might fit. I would very much want to try.” She allowed the honest maybe foolish answer to fall off her tongue. But she couldn’t keep doubt from following. “But I’m a pessimist and I don’t much care to make attempts with people. And I remember a past life that has give me a lot of knowledge into things that most don’t want me to know and that includes about your family. So I honestly don’t see a benefit to you considering me.” She insisted her smile never dropping from her face even as his face fell into a frown.

  “I’m not considering. I know. I want you.” He stated as if it were the most simple thing. The words shouldn’t have staggered her and threaded through her heart but they did. He barely knew her, he was probably wrong but she wanted so very much to believe.

  Nerezza flinched then nodded.

  “I will agree to try but we should still take time to get to know one another.” She offered. This time his lips did curl up.

  “I’m looking forward to getting to know you.” He told her lifting her hand and kissing her wrist. She didn’t pull away amazed by the flirtatious motion. When he released her she waved him forward.

  “I would like to meet your boys.” She insisted and he guided her with her on his arm.

  They found them on a small training ground the guards some from the Order some only tied to the Guardian Showl’s set up a very intricate obstacle course for the three boys. Zephon the oldest though also the most recent addition to the family was a boy whose scar were obvious in small thought-out movements, slow looks that held little to no emotion to them.

  For his lack of emotion his aura flashed so very bright. Nerezza could always see negative emotions, but it took the right sort of personality and magic for her to see every emotion. No wonder him and Reem were so close. Carefully Zephon talked Reem through the obstacle course not leaving his side. Garion the first that Guardian Showl adopted though went through the course quickly and with an ease born from experience stopping every so often with a big grin teasing his younger brother and Reem’s eyes would light more motivated then before.

  The three boys looked nothing alike just as the stories repeated like a mantra but their behavior with each other their words all of it made them so clearly brothers.

  She looked over the boys feeling a bit nervous. Then her eyes trained on Reem who laughed easily and snapped at Garion in a baby voice. He’d always look out of the three of them to have the least scars. Most though didn’t have her abilities to see the suffocating swirls of dark magic. Without explanation or guidance the ever presence of dark magic alone was scary enough adding that it was painfully directed at him. She knew how it felt.

  She’d lived it.

  And she’d pull away Reem’s curses and Ill wishes. He would be surrounded with love and acceptance.

  “Madam!” Reem called his tiny voice peaking into a happy screech dropping from the obstacle he was on. Both older brother’s and father hissed out a worried breath. She judged the course was only a little bit high but she knew that the Icortos house were all very protective of Reem. He ran over and thumped into her smiling up at her like she was the most important thing in his little world. “Are you going to stay forever?” He asked her like it was what he was wishing for most.

  Nerezza paused unable to speak for a moment then she looked the Guardian Showl who was staring at his boys. His stance shifted to his arms crossed. Zephon and Garion feigned innocence.

  “Well, you see father we overheard some whispers that you had gotten a request that you consider a marriage with someone and when Madam Nerezza showed up we only assumed that it was her.” Zephon explained very reasonably.

  “Reem was also positive that she would like us.” Garion grumbled for a second looking doubtful.

  “Madam likes us.” Reem pushed then looked up at her with wide hope filled eyes that chipped at her. It wrapped around her heart and squeezed. Nerezza lifted Reem into her arms and lowered in front of Garion and Zephon.

  “Yes, I like you.” She told them. Reem’s cheeks flushed pleasantly redder.

  “See.” He told his brother’s as if they’d been denying it for ages.

  “She likes Reem and I mean father doesn’t usually get all cloudy because of a letter.” Garion breathed to his brother’s as if they couldn’t hear him. They were all adorable. Then she realized they also knew about her rejection. She glanced again at Guardian Showl who was slowly regaining that flustered look.

  “I need to correct you once Garion.” Nerezza breathed. Garion blinked at her.

  “I like all three of you.” She assured them looking over the unit. Nerezza expected the familiar distrust that swirled through Garion and Zephon. “There are somethings a little strange about me. I remember a life I lived before this one and it has given me knowledge about a lot of things and that includes the three off you. So one thing you never have to worry about is whether I like you or not because I liked you even before I knew you.” She promised them. They exchanged looks looking baffled by her surety but she knew. No matter what they did no matter how they grew she would always like them and if she could be someone to give them more love she would be. “You see my decision on whether to consider staying here forever has only one thing left to figure out.” She told them tilting her cheek on the top of Reem’s head.

  They looked at her cautious but interested.

  “What?” Garion asked. She smiled.

  “I need to know if you are willing to try with me. To figure things out with me. See where in your world I might fit for you.” Nerezza explained to them.

  “Yes.” Reem stated gripping onto her tightly like he never wanted to let her go.

  She though had a feeling that the reaction was more related to the bits of magic even then she was unfurrowing then her herself.

  “I’m not really sure what that means. What do you want to be?” Zephon asked. Nerezza considered the answer.

  “What I want is to be someone you can depend on, who will stand by you and not faulter. If to you that means a friend I’ll be the best friend I can be for you. If that means an instructor, I will help you find any and all knowledge you wish to find. If it’s a protector, I will fight anything and everything that might threaten you. If it’s a mother, It would not be hard for me to adore you being my children.” She let the three little faces absorb what she said and then she smiled fully. “And where you are comfortable now won’t prevent anything, you want in the future. As we grow our relationships will too.” Nerezza assured them.