‘Fear of flying cockroaches? Heh.’
His shady past unraveled—times blacked out, scams pulled, girls used, and so on. Nelson, ever the shameless bastard, stood with arms crossed and chest puffed out like a con artist at a fraud convention.
“A life full of deceit and opportunism—even those bugs you fear live with more dignity.” The Deity tried to shame Nelson.
He just took it—no trembling, no fake humility—just pure defiance.
Finally, the long-awaited moment arrived. Nelson’s divine report card flickered onto the screen.
[Way of the Tongue: Hypnotic Whispers]
[Passive Skill
Description: You could sell water to the ocean and sweet-talk a demon out of its soul. You’re unstoppable—until someone pulls out a knife.
Effect:
90% chance to talk your way out of trouble.
Any failure turns into a critical failure.
Doesn’t work against counter-skills, language barriers, or things with more legs than you.
Cannot be sweet-talked unless it’s a succubus.
High-level manipulation resistance.]
Nelson's eyes were locked on the glowing old fart, quietly weighing his chances to bullshit him.
The deity smirked, fully aware of the plan ticking behind Nelson's eyes. “You'll critically fail, filth.”
Nelson said nothing. His silence wasn't mere defiance, but something more—calculated.
The deity's smirk faltered for a moment, his eyes narrowing in growing annoyance.
[Resilient Mind: Delayed Breakdown]
[Passive Skill
Description:Suck it up, Macho Man—until you can't anymore.
Effect:
Your ego deflects medium-level mental status effects like they’re nothing.
All other mental effects are delayed for up to 21 days. The delay duration is split among all delayed debuffs.
Debuff Removal:
You can purge delayed debuffs by either:
Eliminating the cause
Humiliating the cause
Actually getting over it
Doesn’t work on Medium-tier gods debuffs and above
Pending breakdown: Terror (10 days remaining), Wrath (10 days remaining)]
‘No wonder he is so unnaturally calm. I want one of those, damn it.’
[Goodness of Fortune Blessing: Mood Dependent]
[Passive Skill
Description: What a lucky little shit you are. The RNG-rigging goddess took a liking to you. You just need to keep her happy.
Effect:
Indulge her whims, and you'll ride a wave from +5% to an insane +1000% luck.
Upset her, and your luck nosedives from a mild -10% to a crippling -300%.
The longer you behave, the sweeter the rewards.
Current Effect: Luck -25%]
“Oh, so a goddess had my back all along?” Nelson almost sounded respectful—until he grinned. “I hope she's stacked.”
His luck went up to -15%.
[Fool's Gambit: Just Trust Me, Bro]
Active Skill
Description: You’re a buffoon with a silver tongue and way too much luck. Drag unsuspecting suckers into a shitshow of a plan, and watch it succeed—or critically fail.
Effect:
Exploit your charm and luck to convince ALMOST anyone to follow your half-baked, high-risk plan.
Success not guaranteed.
Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.
Cooldown: 3 weeks. Your bullshitting shuts down, and the goddess of fortune drops your luck by -100%.
Requirement: The goddess of fortune’s blessing must be positive.
‘It just works!’ —Nelson]
“How utterly idiotic. You are breathing by mere chance,” the shitty god growled.
“Naturally, the universe gives me what I need.” Nelson nodded at his own greatness.
After another long sigh, the deity spoke with the enthusiasm of a call center agent. “Your turn.”
My flesh was ripped mercilessly, but like Nelson, I kept a strong front even as I was about to pass out. I didn’t make a sound, denying the deity the satisfaction.
“’Tis but a flesh wound,” I spouted.
“Let’s add one more~” Lady Helena tore away half of my branded cheek. A single tear escaped my eye.
The deity noticed the extra chunk but didn’t comment.
‘You little shit.’
“Ah! I made you cry, hehe~” Lady Helena’s voice sounded far too heated… an invisible, bony hand squeezed my arm tenderly.
My orbs returned. My wounds took over ten minutes to heal, while Nelson’s injuries faded in under two. I didn’t panic—I just got angrier. The fear inside me was shrinking, leaving only a simmering heat in its place.
My personal info popped up, just like Nelson’s: Deep distrust for elves, Distrust for kind non-elderly, Fear of dinosaurs…and more.
‘Vampirism~?! Oh my~’ Lady Helena purred, fixated on the word. ‘You drank blood, Mister Frank~?’
I considered lying, but what was the point? She could read me like an open book.
‘Only twice,’ I admitted.
‘Soon I’ll be thrice~!’
‘Wh—’
The deity interrupted us.
“You are an ungrateful child, trying to make up for the damage you inflicted upon your family.” The deity’s words twisted like a knife. “You failed.”
I kept my mouth shut. My head throbbed with rage. The bastard knew exactly where to dig.
[Mental Resilience: Dormant Volcano]
[Passive Skill
Description: Pretending to be all mature by suppressing every “unneeded” emotion? What could possibly go wrong?
Effect:
All debuffs from those beneath you do not affect you.
All mentally altering emotions simmer down in seconds.
Keep bottling it up, and you’ll go full Neanderthal. Try not to harm someone you care about this time.
Rage Meter: 55%]
“Ah, I remember the last time Frank got really angry.” Nelson rubbed his chin, looking way too amused. “Three classmates injured, a teacher humbled… and a crazy girl asking for his number.”
“Fun times.”
Lady Helena perked up, intrigued. ‘I need to see you explode!’ Her voice buzzed in my head, excitement practically crackling—a chaotic cheerleader, hoping for my meltdown.
[Family Man: Family Fascist]
[Passive Skill
Description: It’s scary how far you’ll go for your family. Your devotion knows no limits—commit or endure atrocities in their name.
Effect:
Your unwavering devotion cranks up aggro and damage against “their enemies.” Your defense nosedives proportionally.
Healing output and casting speed are boosted, but MP drains at triple the usual rate.
The bonus scales from 1% to 100%, depending on how desperate you are.
Too bad you’ve got no one left to protect on this side.]
I stared at the mocking words in silence, reading them over and over, hoping they’d sting less the second time. Nelson kept quiet out of respect.
Insensitive to my turmoil, Lady Helena cooed, ‘That is way too easy to fix~’
I trembled in anger—then it dissipated. ‘Shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up’
My rage meter ticked up another 5%.
‘Make me~’
The deity, as if he could read my mind, let out a well-timed, “Pathetic.”
You were annoying before. Now you’re my enemy.
My meter jumped another 20%.
[Hypocritical Hyena: Pragmatic Survivor]
[Passive Skill
Description: By faking your care for your allies, you convinced them you actually give a damn—until they’re no longer useful. When they die, they become loot and resources.
Effect:
Your bullshit act makes fallen allies less likely to curse the items you loot. Some might even hand you last-will quest. Ignoring them will have heavy consequences.
Any reluctance you had toward cannibalism is gone. Only survivors get to have regrets.
Emotional turmoil from losing those you actually care about: +300%]
“What the fuck—no, wait… yeah, I guess I could go that far.” I frowned, too many examples flashing through my mind.
‘You ate humans~? Oh my~’ Lady Helena purred, sounding far too pleased with the idea.
‘What? No! But I won’t doubt it when the need arises.’
‘It will be sooner than you expect~’ I could feel her cold presence hugging me from behind.
[Fake Nice Guy: Support Character]
[Passive Skill
Description: You keep telling yourself you’re not heartless. You even took a support role to help people! But… Can you even remember their names?
Effect:
If Tank is chosen:
Aggro, Defense, and Grip +50%
Healing received +25%
Max HP +25%
Pain Endurance +25%
Passive Heal regeneration +20%
Damage dealt ?50%
Any damage buff is converted into Grip
May drag “non-important” allies in as hostiles when taunting
If Healer is chosen:
Aggro +15%
Healing dealt +25%
Max MP +15%
Passive MP regeneration +15%
Damage dealt ?50%
Can’t equip weapons
Deep-wound healing disabled if you don’t care about the target—your mana is too precious to waste on them
Can only equip Holy Scriptures or Special Grimoires]
Nelson and Lady Helena’s giggling snapped me out of it. I refused to accept such a bullshit skill.
“Nope. Not happening. I’m not playing support—eat shit, all of you!”
Soon, the last skill appeared. The hologram flickered from blue to pale gray, its description switching to a custom format. The deity simply looked away, clearly irritated.
[Goddess of Death and Rebirth Blessing: Santa Muerte Missionary]
[Passive Skill
Description: Congrats~! You wooed me clumsily, and I answered. Don’t even think about cozying up to other goddesses—you’ll regret it dearly~
Effects:
Obey my whims, build me shrines, grow my cult! I’ll upgrade the blessing bit by bit~
Refuse them, and you’ll writhe in pain from a mere water droplet touching your face (?1000% Pain Endurance, conditional debuff)
Healing received: ?75%
Passive Heal regeneration: ?95%
Instant death immunity (no fun~!)
Decay, life drain, and DoT resistance: +95%
Bug infestation immunity
Pain Endurance: +25% (?50% if caused by me, hehe)
Max HP and Grip: +25%
Helmet restriction: None allowed~ I love your cranium shape—+350% bone resistance
Other Perks:
Soul offering
Basic undead won’t attack you
Unnatural hatred for the undead]
I reeled back, hands gripping my head.
“WHAT THE FUCK!?”
‘I love you too~’