My solemn vow pops like a soap bubble the very next moment.

  Once again, I’m standing in the Elven throne hall with my hands bound, surrounded by alert guards with drawn bows, right in front of King Borack. I try not to think about what would happen if one of them suddenly sneezed. I just pray that, if it happens, they at least point their bow in a different direction.

  Rin stands beside me, just like last time, looking at me with open concern. That look alone is balm for my battered heart. For once, Rin seems to feel a bit of pity for me instead of her usual excessive hostility.

  Several meters ahead of us, Leana kneels before the massive figure of Borack, her head lowered. When such a young woman kneels before him, the Elven King somehow looks even larger. I desperately want to leave. I just hope this whole report thing goes quickly and the elves agree to join the alliance.

  In a normal fantasy story, this report would take ages. There would be dramatic flashbacks of our entire journey—every heroic deed lovingly replayed in detail.

  But let’s be honest.

  We were gone for only a few days and completed exactly two lousy quests.

  During the journey, Leana explained to me that the spider quest is actually a coming-of-age ritual. Every elf in the village has to complete it upon reaching adulthood. Sure, Archie isn’t exactly what you’d imagine when you think of a bloodthirsty monster spider—but still.

  Why does my first real quest as a hero in this world turn out to be a boring ritual for half-grown teenagers?

  Just thinking about how terrified I was of Archie makes me cringe. I made a pretty pathetic impression overall, and my mistakes got us into trouble more than once. I really need to work on my heroic presence in the future.

  At the very least, the report to the brutally intimidating Elf King should be over quickly, and then I can finally go to bed.

  It’s not like we fought our way through the depths of hell to overcome the Seven Deadly Sins or anything.

  “Your Majesty. I stand before you to humbly present my report. We have completed the questline of overcoming the human deadly sins, and Lord Arik Eiswolf has proven himself worthy of the elves’ trust. Please hear my words.”

  I blink.

  Leana sounds exactly as she always does—upright, earnest, and utterly serious.

  So this isn’t a joke. I wouldn’t have expected her to suddenly discover irony, especially not in front of her king.

  Carefully, I glance to my right.

  Rin looks just as confused as I feel.

  It’s rare for both of us to be this thoroughly shaken at the same time.

  At the word “Lord,” a quiet murmur ripples through the throne hall, quickly silenced by a single gesture from King Borack.

  Lord? Since when am I a lord? I’m a prince. Or a hero. But a lord?!

  I scream internally.

  The scream goes unheard.

  Leana continues her report after Borack gives a brief nod. Even his nod somehow looks aggressively masculine.

  “Lord Arik subjected himself to the first trial immediately after the audience with Your Majesty. Together with his companion, he was confined to a single room and provided with only one bed. Based on their behavior, the two appeared to share a close bond, which I was able to confirm during our subsequent journey.”

  She pauses for half a breath.

  “To further provoke the sin of lust, to which humans are said to be particularly susceptible, I ordered a bathing tub to be brought into their room.”

  I feel my soul trying to leave my body.

  “However,” Leana continues solemnly, “no lustful behavior could be observed. On the contrary. During the night, Lord Arik did not behave like a wild beast toward the woman, but instead willingly slept on the floor and gave her the bed. He is a shining example of a human who possesses the willpower to resist and control base desires.”

  Leana practically radiates pride, as if she herself had passed the trial.

  Of course. A true paragon of chastity.

  It definitely had nothing to do with the fact that I would not survive five minutes if I ever crossed Rin without consent.

  Also, the fact that we were being watched while bathing and sleeping is more than questionable.

  You pervert.

  I sneak another glance at Rin. Her cheeks are slowly turning a faint shade of pink.

  So she can be embarrassed.

  All you need is someone secretly observing her bath, a misunderstanding, and then loudly declaring her a saintly virgin in front of half the elven kingdom.

  Flawless plan.

  Excellent work, Leana.

  “The next trial led us into Archie’s spider nest,” Leana continues. “There, Lord Arik was required to prove that he does not make decisions driven by blind rage. Humans are widely regarded as quick to anger and prone to vengeance.”

  She sounds absolutely convinced.

  “I was certain that Lord Arik must have suffered greatly from spider attacks in the past. And yet, even when faced with Archie’s imposing presence, he did not lose control. He acted calmly and with clear judgment. Rather than striking down Archie in anger, he confronted him with courage—and in doing so, earned the spider’s trust, as well as a spider companion of his own.”

  She pauses deliberately, letting her words sink in as she scans the faces of the elves gathered in the hall.

  Does she have any idea how much I value my life?

  Archie’s imposing presence was precisely the reason I had no intention of starting a fight. We were surrounded by countless giant spiders, and a truly massive one was looming right in front of us. Choosing violence in that situation wouldn’t have been bravery—it would have been terminal stupidity.

  The only real options were running away or finding a peaceful solution.

  Then again, this is Leana we’re talking about.

  She probably would have charged straight into the middle of it without hesitation. Honestly, it’s a good thing she’s only deadly with a bow and absolutely terrible in close combat. Otherwise, her life expectancy would have been cut in half a long time ago.

  With something close to reverence in her voice, Leana continues.

  “The subsequent trial of sloth was also overcome in a most impressive manner. At the fork in the road leading to the Crystal-Clear Lake, I entrusted Lord Arik with the decision of which path to take. I provided him with all relevant information, withholding nothing. He was therefore fully aware of the meaning and consequences of his choice.”

  She straightens slightly.

  “I awaited his decision with great anticipation. And Lord Arik did not disappoint.”

  Oh no.

  “Without hesitation, he chose the difficult, long, and life-threatening path to the right—and shortly thereafter proceeded along it with resolve and determination.”

  She turns toward me, her eyes shining with genuine admiration.

  Please don’t look at me like that.

  I am currently dying a thousand deaths of shame on the inside, and that look only makes it worse.

  Oh ground, please open up and swallow me whole along with my disgraceful existence.

  Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

  Beside me, Rin starts to tremble.

  To anyone else, it probably looks like she’s shaking with awe in the presence of my great deeds.

  I know better.

  She’s desperately holding herself together to avoid bursting out laughing.

  Thank you, Rin. Truly. I appreciate your heroic effort not to humiliate me and sabotage the alliance with the elves.

  At this very moment, I swear to myself with absolute conviction:

  I will never confess to Leana that I simply wasn’t listening at the fork in the road because I was distracted by vivid fantasies involving mermaids.

  Never.

  “Later that day, Lord Arik also passed the trial of envy with remarkable ease,” Leana continues. “Along the right-hand path, we fought numerous intense and bloody battles against monster hordes that outnumbered us.”

  Her lips curl into something almost dreamy.

  “At our night camp, during our meal, Lord Arik addressed his companion Rin and advised her to be more mindful in managing her mana. Throughout the day, Rin had proven herself to be an outstanding warrior—one deserving of my deepest respect.”

  “And yet,” Leana says, her voice growing softer, “instead of envying her strength—strength that more than once eclipsed his own—Lord Arik spoke only out of concern for her well-being.”

  She places a hand over her chest.

  “Moved by this concern, Rin agreed to act more conservatively with her powers.”

  Leana pauses, clearly affected by her own words.

  I stare at Rin.

  Rin stares back at me.

  Leana does not understand irony. At all.

  We are thinking the exact same thing.

  Rin starts trembling again—much worse this time.

  Hold it together. If this continues, she’s either going to collapse laughing or explode on the spot.

  What in the world possessed the Elven King to assign someone this detached from reality to evaluate a questline that decides the fate of the world?

  Does he care about the world at all?

  So far, things have worked out for us, but Leana seriously needs to develop a bit more common elven sense.

  …Or are Rin and I the strange ones here?

  No. Impossible.

  I’m so painfully normal it actually hurts.

  Leana’s pointed ears begin to turn a dangerous shade of red as she presses on.

  “But Lord Arik’s mastery over the sin of selfishness was not limited to this single moment.”

  Uh-oh.

  “During the night, while he was on watch, we were attacked by a large group of goblins accompanied by several ogres. Lord Arik reacted immediately. He woke us, calmly explained the situation, and issued orders worthy of a great general.”

  I very deliberately keep my eyes on the floor.

  “And that was not all,” Leana continues, her voice tightening. “During the battle, I was overwhelmed by an ogre and lost my bow. Fighting desperately with only my dagger, I faced death itself.”

  Her hands clench at her sides.

  “In that moment, Lord Arik threw himself into danger without hesitation, without regard for his own safety—and saved my life. He is my savior. And in doing so, he proved beyond doubt that selfishness is foreign to his nature.”

  By the end of her statement, Leana is red as a tomato, her gaze fixed firmly on the ground.

  I feel like the lowest piece of trash imaginable.

  “Shining Knight in Distress” worked far better than I had ever intended.

  I feel sick.

  Who would have thought that Leana’s report would turn into such a brutal emotional rollercoaster?

  From now on, I will protect Leana honestly and sincerely—just as she deserves as an honest and sincere person.

  No more dirty tricks.

  I can feel the sharp, probing gaze from my right, but I don’t have the strength to look. I keep staring stubbornly at my feet and pray this moment will simply pass.

  “Continue your report,” Borack commands. “The trials of greed and vanity are still missing, if this human is to be proven different from his kind.”

  His booming voice cuts through the tension, and Leana lifts her head, returning to her usual stoic composure.

  “As you wish.”

  She takes a steady breath.

  “These final trials were completed at the Crystal-Clear Lake, in the presence of the wise mermaid Myrula, during the trial known as ‘Overcoming the Self.’ Lord Arik not only survived and passed the mermaid’s trial—the first human to ever do so—but in doing so also completed the remaining trials of the deadly sins.”

  Borack gestures for her to continue.

  “As has been the case for centuries, a mirror image of Lord Arik was summoned—possessing the same strength and the same abilities. As tradition dictates, the sacred weapons of the Crystal-Clear Lake were provided.”

  My stomach tightens.

  “Lord Arik was granted the choice between the legendary and undefeated sword Edelclaw, which has been in the mermaid’s possession for ages, and a simple iron spear.”

  Leana’s voice remains calm. Too calm.

  “Without arrogance, without pride, and without the slightest hint of vanity, Lord Arik chose the unremarkable spear.”

  There it is.

  “The undeniable proof that outward splendor and superficial glory mean nothing to him as a hero of the peoples.”

  Beside me, Rin lets out a small, strangled squeak she clearly fails to suppress.

  I am deeply sorry that restraining yourself from laughing in front of the entire elven court is causing you this much physical pain.

  It is also incredibly hurtful that vanity is the sin at which you finally lose control.

  I can be noble if I want to.

  “Despite wielding the inferior weapon,” Leana continues, “Lord Arik defeated his mirror self in the blink of an eye. Never before have I witnessed such overwhelming martial skill. With ease, he overcame himself and achieved a glorious victory.”

  Her eyes sparkle again. Dangerously so.

  I will probably never tell her that I simply exploited my own strengths and weaknesses and outplayed Myrula entirely.

  The trial was about overcoming oneself.

  Nobody said anything about fairness.

  “When the battle ended, we observers approached immediately, only to witness Lord Arik’s humility. It appears that, due to the extraordinary circumstance of a human daring to face the trial, Myrula had promised a special reward should he succeed.”

  Uh-oh.

  “Yet Lord Arik rejected all gold and jewels of the Crystal-Clear Lake and asked only for a private conversation with the mermaid.”

  Please stop.

  “I could not hear the contents of this exchange,” Leana says carefully, “but it was evident that even Myrula—usually so cold and unmoved—was deeply impressed and utterly shaken by Lord Arik’s presence.”

  Rin has gone completely still.

  “I, too, was profoundly moved by Lord Arik’s modesty, which appeared entirely free of greed and avarice.”

  Leana lowers her head.

  “This concludes my report. These events transpired exactly as described. I swear this to be true. Lord Arik Eiswolf has earned the trust of the elves. However, my humble opinion is not the final word. The decision now lies solely with Your Majesty.”

  Leana kneels once more, head bowed.

  I exhale silently.

  So this is what people mean when they talk about subjective truth.

  I can definitely read Rin's subjective truth from her currently trembling at my side, eyes wet and dangerously close to either hysterical laughter or complete detonation.

  If we remain here any longer, she’s going to lose it.

  I am utterly exhausted.

  More exhausted than after the endless monster battles on the so-called “heroic path.”

  The entire throne hall holds its breath as King Borack stands motionless, eyes closed like a marble statue. I sincerely hope he’s thinking deeply—and not sleeping on his feet.

  After several agonizing minutes, he opens his eyes again.

  “I have heard Leana’s report,” Borack declares at last, his voice echoing through the hall, “and I place my trust in her words.”

  Leana remains kneeling, unmoving.

  “She is known throughout the elven kingdom for her honesty, loyalty, and sense of duty. She would never deceive me. Nor is she weak enough to be coerced or misled by a wandering human.”

  I’m not entirely sure I agree with that last part, but I have the survival instincts to keep that thought to myself.

  “For these reasons,” Borack continues, “I entrusted her with this task.”

  His gaze shifts from Leana to Rin—and then settles on me.

  “Thus, I, Borack, King of the Elves, hereby acknowledge that the human and prophesied hero Arik Eiswolf has completed all trials set before him and has earned the trust of the elven people.”

  A sharp sting hits my chest at his next words.

  “As a lowly human, he has proven that not all of his kind are beasts ruled solely by their flaws, but that righteous souls may yet be found among them.”

  Lowly human.

  Still, I’ll take the win.

  “The Elven Kingdom shall join the campaign against the Demon King Balaam. When Arik Eiswolf calls us to arms, we will fight at his side with heads held high, for the fate of this world.”

  The hall erupts.

  “Wuhaaaa! For the kingdom! For King Borack! Wuhaaaa!”

  The thunderous war cries shake the throne room.

  …This is terrifying.

  I’m planning to win this war, not throw myself screaming into a glorious meat grinder. Could we maybe dial down the enthusiasm just a little?

  What happened to the gentle forest elves who danced and played flutes beneath moonlit trees?

  Right now, this feels more like an ancient Spartan war speech.

  Did the elves just need an excuse to go to war again?

  No.

  That’s impossible.

  Please let me keep believing in soft, peaceful elves a little longer.

  “Your Majesty!”

  The hall falls silent in an instant.

  Leana has risen. She looks Borack straight in the eye, unwavering.

  “Thank you for hearing my report and placing your trust in me. I have one further request.”

  Borack studies her intensely.

  “Speak.”

  “For the coming war, we will need the support of other peoples. Lord Arik is already on a journey to unite the free races under his banner. I ask that you allow me to accompany him and continue to stand at his side.”

  A murmur ripples through the hall.

  “If the Captain of the Elite Archers rides with him,” Leana continues, “the other peoples will believe that the elves truly stand with Lord Arik.”

  Borack’s stare hardens. Leana does not flinch.

  I would have collapsed already.

  “Very well,” the elven king finally says. “You shall have your chance and travel the world in the hero’s company. But never forget that you represent the elves. I will tolerate no failure.”

  “Yes, Your Majesty!” Leana snaps into a perfect salute.

  “And one more thing,” Borack adds slowly. “From the title you have given this human, it seems your decision has already been made.”

  For just a moment, Leana glances back toward me, standing at the rear of the hall.

  I swear I see a small, shy smile.

  Then she faces the king again.

  “Yes, Your Majesty.”

  “Then I hope this path will bring you happiness,” Borack replies, almost gently.

  A chill runs down my spine.

  A man that terrifying should not smile softly. It feels less like warmth and more like baring fangs.

  And that exchange?

  I have a very bad feeling about it.

  Still—end well, all well.

  I can finally rest. Maybe even explore the elf village properly. Uncover its mysteries. Relax for once.

  “Arik Eiswolf.”

  Borack’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

  “Yes?”

  Is that… the first time he’s actually used my name instead of something like inferior human scum?

  “You will wish to depart soon to rally the other peoples. I understand your eagerness. However, you will remain in the elf village for this night. Tomorrow, we shall see you off with fresh provisions.”

  I hate it when people know exactly what I’m thinking.

  On the other hand, it has worked in my favor so far, so I’ll play along.

  “Thank you for your generosity and understanding, King Borack.”

  My hands are finally unbound. At last, I’m officially a trusted friend of the elves.

  I immediately take Rin with me and head straight for our guest tree. Leana bids us farewell at the throne hall exit—she still has preparations to make and people to say goodbye to.

  They’re taking the idea of never returning far too seriously.

  Rin doesn’t explode in the throne room, but once we’re alone, she laughs herself breathless, seasoning it generously with mockery and merciless teasing.

  I don’t resist.

  I endure it with a stoic expression.

  After all, I did learn something useful from Leana.

  At least Rin heats the bathwater for me, and tonight I get to sleep in a warm bed with her. After a few bites of dinner, I collapse instantly, pull her close, and sink into deep, dreamless sleep.

  The warmth of someone you love makes all hardships fade away.