Tabby was closest to me, so I went to her first. Her eyes were a bit wild, but when she met my gaze, they began to still.

  “It's over,” I said, resting a comforting hand on her shoulder. “We won. It was a mini-boss called the Fungal Monstrosity.”

  “That was a mini-boss?” She asked, exasperated. “ I don’t think I want to meet a normal boss, then.”

  “Floor boss,” I corrected. “There are a few on each floor and defeating one will likely grant you passage to the second floor.”

  “And we’re going all the way to the third floor?”

  “That’s the plan. We can reassess our chances of success once we reach the end of this floor. Let’s go check on everyone else.”

  I started walking away, and Tabby shrieked behind me. I spun around, sword at the ready. “What’s wrong?”

  She pointed at my lower half. “Your ass. It's, umm, very bloody.”

  “You can see my ass?” I twisted around to get a glimpse, and sure enough, that chunk of stone had ripped straight through my pants and shredded most of the skin off my right cheek. “Ow.”

  “You should put something on that,” Tabby said. “This place is gross. You could get an ass infection.”

  “Is John injured?” Ersabet asked, approaching us. Kitz and Delen weren’t far behind.

  “I scraped my butt cheek, is all. I’m fine,” I said.

  “Scraped is an understatement,” Tabby said. “His right cheek is obliterated. I worry he’ll never be able to sit normal again.”

  “Don’t worry about her, Ethan,” Val said. “Your vitals are fine. There will be some scarring, and you do need to keep it clean, but with your enhanced healing ability, you’ll be fine.”

  Thanks, Val. It’s good to have someone looking out for me.

  “I’m happy to be of assistance.”

  Val was bipolar to the extreme, but I was enjoying her current kind streak.

  “It’s not a problem,” I said. “I’ll be fine.”

  “Show me your buttocks,” Ersabet said. “Let me tend to your wounds.”

  I groaned as I turned around, giving everyone a clear view of my bloody butt cheek. I closed my eyes and shook my head as everyone shared their own ghastly comments about the condition of my butt.

  Ersabet’s analytical examination only made me more embarrassed. She squatted down to get a good look. “It is superficial, for the most part. There is likely some deep tissue damage, so I would expect significant bruising over the next week. I don’t see any cuts deep enough to need stitches. The majority of the epidermis has been lost; however, the dermis appears unscathed. The skin will grow back in three weeks, though it will likely heal faster with your enhanced healing ability.

  She must have pulled something from her inventory, because I felt a cool cloth compress being applied to my butt cheek. “This has antibacterial properties. We will need to change it daily.”

  After that, she wrapped my right thigh with linen, and when she reached my butt, she extended the wrapping around my derriere, all the way up to my hip.

  “There,” she said. “I would avoid sitting for a day or two. Sleep on your belly.”

  “Thanks, doc,” I said. “Did you get a loot box? I got something called a strategist’s chest.”

  She smiled. “As did I. Do you want to open them?”

  “Hell yeah!”

  “Apologies,” Delen said, “But I have no idea what you two are talking about.”

  “We both received a reward for defeating the Fungal Monstrosity. The system gave us these reward boxes.” I found it in my inventory and pulled it out. It plopped into existence at my feet.

  “What the fuck?” Tabby jumped. “What just happened?”

  “You noticed?” I asked.

  “Noticed what?” Delen demanded.

  Tabby pointed to the chest at my feet. “That chest. I thought it…has it been there this whole time?”

  “No,” I said. “I pulled it out from my inventory. Normally, NPC’s just see whatever they need to see to reconcile the break in reality. I’m sure for Delen, this chest was always at my feet.”

  This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  I looked at him, expectantly.

  “I hadn’t thought about it,” he said. “But, I guess I just hadn’t noticed it was there. I’m not sure. How strange?”

  I pointed to Tabby’s head. “I think since I broke her mind, she’s free of the system, or at least partially free, and that allows her to notice inconsistencies, like with the quantum inventory.”

  “My mind is not broken,” Tabby said.

  I winked. “It’s broken in the best way. Now, time to open up this box.” I gestured to Ersabet. “Ladies first.”

  “How antiquated,” Ersabet said. “I should go first because I am your better, not because I am of a different sex.”

  “Just open the freaking box!”

  She smiled and bent down to unlatch the box. A golden glow emanated from it as she opened the lid. She reached inside, pulled out a potion, and inspected it. “Ahh, this is good. Very good.”

  “What is it?” Tabby asked.

  “Sanitatem rubra. A healing potion, and a substantial amount of it. It is incredibly valuable. This may very well save one or more of our lives in the coming days.” It disappeared from her hand, having been sent to her inventory. “There’s more.” She reached back into her box and pulled out delicate, silver fabric. “Oh my,” she said, unrolling its length. It was about a foot wide and four feet long. She wrapped it around her waist, creating a makeshift skirt.

  “This is mithril cloth,” Ersabet said. “It cannot be pierced.” She paused, considering something, and unravelled the skirt. “Kitz, come here.”

  He did as told, and Ersabet forced him to hold his arms out. She wrapped it across his chest and shoulders, with one last wrap around his belly before tucking the end into his belt.

  “This will protect you,” she said, “but do not let that safety make you reckless.”

  He bowed to her. “Thank you. I’ll keep it safe for you, I promise.”

  “I know you will. Your turn, John.”

  I rubbed my hands together, eager to see what I received from my first loot box.

  It glowed brightly as I opened it, and two objects rested comfortably inside. One appeared to be a coin purse, and I picked it up and inspected it.

  Coin purse.

  This purse holds 463 gold coins.

  I was loaded! If we survived this dungeon, I’d buy everyone the best gear available and stock up my inventory with whatever useful items the system would let me stick in there.

  Next to the coin purse was a polished, perfectly circular glass disk. I picked it up and realized it wasn’t a flat piece of glass, but had a slight bevel to each side, giving it a rounded appearance. Curious, I picked it up and inspected it.

  Libaralis Roundel

  This roundel is infused with a special essence, attuned specifically to your body. When shattered, your body will absorb the roundel’s essence, and all of your skills and abilities will be upgraded to the next enhancement tier. This effect is permanent.

  “Wow,” I said aloud. “That’s really good.”

  Ersabet stalked forward. “Is that a roundel? Lucky. They are rare. What does your do?”

  “It upgrades all my skills to the next tier.”

  Ersabet whistled. “You got a good one. That’s a significant buff.”

  “So, are there more of these things? These spheres?”

  “Roudels,” Ersabet said. “A lucky player might find three or four during their entire time in the game. Most players find at least one, but some don’t. Each roundel has a different permanent buff. One might grant a free level-up. Or it may improve your reaction time or boost your lung capacity. It truly is random. Your’s is among the better roundel effects I’ve heard of.”

  “That’s great. I can’t wait to use it.”

  “Why not use it now?”

  I smiled. “I have to level up first. I’ll do it after that, so my new skill gets an upgrade too.”

  “That’s wise. I, too, have a pending level-up. If the others would be so kind as to watch our backs a moment, it would be prudent for both John and me to increase in power. Wouldn’t you all agree?”

  “Go for it, sugar,” Tabby said.

  Ersabet’s face crinkled, but she let the nickname slide. Then, her eyes went distant.

  I initiated my level-up.

  Congratulations, player. You have levelled up. You are now Level Twelve.

  You may select one of the following abilities, or you may enhance one of your previously chosen abilities.

  POCKET SAND: Fight dirty and throw sand at your opponent's eye, but this isn’t just any sand! Conjure a fistful of sand and toss it to obscure the area in a thick cloud of sand particles. It’s like a smoke bomb but sandy! Useful when you need to vanish and make a quick getaway or if you want to obscure your opponent's vision.

  FUNGAL ARMOR: This one’s a little gross, but hear me out. This passive ability creates a mycelial layer over your skin. The process can take up to a month, but it can be sped up by ingesting mushrooms or other fungi. Once the mycelium skin is fully formed, it will harden when struck, forming a reactive armor around you. It is weak at first, but it can grow stronger over time, especially if you add some tasty shrooms to your diet.

  I hated mushrooms

  SHADOW BLADES: I think you’ll like this one since you’re not keen on getting up close and personal with your opponents. Conjure up to 10 Shadow Blades per day. These conjured daggers last for ten seconds before disappearing, so make good use of them while you can. There is no cooldown, and if you so choose, you can conjure them as fast as you can throw them. If a Shadow Blade is conjured in the light, it will behave the same as any ordinary dagger. However, if a Shadow Blade is conjured in the dark, it will become immaterial upon leaving your hand and can pierce through enemies, killing any flesh it touches in the process. The dagger will dissipate upon contact with the ground or when the ten-second timer runs out.

  Pocket Sand would have been a fun choice, but I went with Shadow Blades. It seemed too powerful to pass up. I wondered if the system was referencing King of the Hill or if it was just a coincidence. Who knew with my sub-mind?

  There was only one thing left to do now. I slammed the roundel to the ground, shattering it. Translucent wisps rose from the glass like steam from a boiling pot. It swirled up to me, twisting around my arms and neck before stopping in front of my face. I took a deep breath of the vapor and felt the essence rush in, eager to improve me. I felt a strange pulse; it was neither pleasant nor unpleasant, and that was that.

  It was anticlimactic. Maybe when we set up camp later, I could review all my skills and see what bonuses I gained from the higher tiers.

  But we had hours to go before we needed to set up camp. First, we had more dungeon to crawl.