Henry stumbles on, looking groggy and sleepy, “There is no beverage to wake me up here, but this sure gets me thinking. Any ways, what have you got planned today?”

  “Not much, as we have cleaned out the beds yesterday, there is only little work needed, to check whether they are all fine. You can go out and observe all of the grow beds and follow your curiosity.”

  “That’s a working style I like a lot. You’ve got the most biological lightning system imaginable.”

  “You are quite right, I am an avant-gard(ener)ist. A question is whether I can still improve my system, create stronger lights or even more colours.”

  “How would you begin improving something as marvellous as this mushroom?”

  “By finding better food for the mushroom, better minerals that unlock further possibilities or find what the mushroom feeds on and crush up stones so small there is much more surface to feed on or change water flow or better placement of the mushroom beds and light patches. There are so many variables at play and only my lifetime to tinker with as many as I desire. Unless other beings build on what little knowledge I can find.

  I try to take this as far apart as possible and change each variable, bit by bit, just as a real scientist would. Troubleshooting and thinking out loud with you, will help me get better and create more efficient systems. So whatever you do, keep on being curious and asking questions.”

  “Well philosophy and gardening don’t always go well in hand, in the slowness though, real thought can arise. How do you know when to replace your mushroom lights?”

  “Eventually the lights begin to grow dim. They find less nutrients and grow less vigorous. I clean the light patches out, place cracked up stones in there and refill again with water. Some more spores and in a few days, the lights turn back on.

  It’s a very low cost solution. As I have so many different grow beds which are turning on different rotations, I always have the mushrooms in all their growth stages. I have the freshest spores imaginable. The grow beds themselves are also sources of light, yet I didn’t want grow beds everywhere. These lights are a half-way solution.

  That’s the last one. Let’s prepare something to nourish our body. I don’t plan to go on an excursion this time.”

  “You told me to try out the special kind of mushroom and I think now is a very good time.”

  “Do you even know what they are? How about hearing me out first and then sitting on that information. Another time, if you still feel drawn to the experience, you’ll have it. I’ll have to explain some of the particularities of this mushroom and also how to know when you are ready. It is not that simply because you meet me that you thus automatically also need to consume this mushroom, right then and there.

  I am living a certain path of life and ours just happen to meet. You can be fine without it. You may prefer taking it later perhaps or maybe even a completely different substance. It is quite a serious undertaking and not an undertaking to be done on a whim out of mere curiosity. It is an experience that is best undertaken when there’s a calling to have it. Between idealism and reality there may of course be a huge chasm.

  The reality is that curiosity is a main force driver for many experiments or experiences. It is the experience that makes us wiser, not cautionary abstinence that quite often teaches very little. To be honest for me the first experiences were out of mere curiosity. The whole comprehension and whatever I could ever be able to teach you have sprung up from my continual exposure to this substance.

  As an “experienced user” I can’t just jump-start your knowledge/ experience. It is also experimentation, even without safety as a first thought that leads someone to research better and safer ways, so in a way these first experiments are of the utmost importance. To say otherwise is to neglect where we are coming from.

  It can be an experience that completely wrecks your psyche or mental state. It can bring about long lasting damage, which may eventually bring about healing but it’s simply not medicine for everybody. You may consume such a substance on a whim anyway, but just prepare yourself as best you can.

  I prefer not giving you the kind of talk, as a know-better experienced being, that now that I understand what happened before, advise you to completely negate what drove me in the first place and limit your experience to the small path I leave open to you, in a way stunting your possibility before you even begin. Limiting what you may experience.

  It is only natural that the premise and or promise of a hallucinatory experience, the magical expansion of the habitual is luring. As an escape, a game or a ceremony; as that is what it is to me, takes time to prepare. A ceremony’s preparation begins days before, if not weeks or even a whole lifetime, which culminate into you ingesting a substance which acts on us in so many ways and levels.

  The real work is what happens before and after. The moment itself is just a facilitated quick exchange of the energies that have been worked on previously, to prepare for an internal change. The effects of this change may take a while to manifest. I see it as a part of a consciousness that I ingest, which allows me to work on myself. It is to be made clear though, that an apple or the rock next to you are just as conscious to me. I speak more of a difference of quality of consciousness.

  The work I have done before the ingestion is what allows this process to happen. To me these substances are a process, in which two (or more) different consciousnesses take part and work together. It should also be clear what these substances are good for.

  They are definitely not there to reach a conscious state and stay there, that is completely beyond the point. It seems logical that in a higher state of consciousness different processes happen in the body, compared to the usual everyday consciousness a person is used to.

  There is always consciousness somewhere, even in a seemingly completely ‘unconscious’ person. Whether that person will still be able to access it or not is another story, I just have not enough information about. I only see so little from outside of my view.

  A person ingesting a hallucinogenic substance may not already have reached a higher state of consciousness, nor is it necessarily a goal this person has or should have. Higher is not meant as better than but as finer, lighter. Just being present. These are of course words that can only be understood when experienced.

  Just a mere glimpse of ‘full conscience’ for a few seconds is also an experience. As if that should be the one way for everybody, to become as conscious as possible. Some feel a calling to that but not everybody and that is fine. Some sellers of consciousness may feel/ sell the idea that this is the goal everybody should have, but why? Whom does that serve?

  Why not let everybody define their goal(s) and discover what is important to them, in their way. In consciousness as in that which makes us all conscious, be that singular or plural, there is nothing to reach, only a gradual process and falling away of blinders that make it seem otherwise, which inadvertently also change our behaviour, because we have less lapses of consciousness.’’

  Henry looks at Bhosun with a frown, “What are these blinders you speak of and why does our behaviour change?”

  “The blinders are attitudes we build up or ideas formed about experiences lived through. They are created ideas that can even become a form of reality, yet they are by definition a misconstrued concept, having nothing to do with the reality of the experience lived through.”

  “So the blinders are real, if we can make them real and that they can influence our behaviour. How do you know then, when you aren’t influenced anymore by them?”

  “You know success by the behaviour you get rid of, that is auto-destructive in nature. Another tell-tale sign is when you begin making choices which you don’t understand anymore and somehow internally happiness arises, independent of anything.

  Choices which you feel to be completely right even if mentally many things can be said about them not being right. Choices which of course hind sight may explain but that doesn’t help in the actual moment of making a choice where you don’t see what it may lead to. Something we rarely see anyway.”

  “How does one make a choice that at first seems so wrong and yet internally feels right?”

  “If it truly feels right, what other reasoning do you need? Neither doubt or mental reasons will make you falter or choose otherwise. This is also a gradual process, this trust in a feeling, trust in a process.”

  If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

  “Trust the process sounds like a call to arms of all those lovely sects and gurus.”, says Henry with lots of exaggeration and mirth shining in his eyes. “What of the moments where one does falter and not step up to that which feels right?”

  “The building up of guilt and other ‘unpleasant’ feelings, which hopefully eventually aid in stepping up. It takes considerable trust and strength of character to live in such a way. Don’t ever think it’s easy but to me the results far outweigh the costs, as these are very real too.

  Nothing comes for free. What this boils down to is what we value in life. Once you know what you value the rest just fades in importance. As I said, Blinders.”, at which Bhosun begins laughing so loud he almost loses his breath.

  “Sounds to me as if insanity is just as close. If you become less sure of well everything, and only certain special feelings make it that you can be sure of something, what of all the rest, it will all be in a muddy bath of uncertainty. Actions generally don’t stem from uncertainty but certainty, mostly.”

  “We take the ups and the downs and try to learn from them.”

  “How can you still call them ups and downs when apparently so many things lose their importance? How do you make movement and choice on that which is unimportant all of a sudden?”

  “You learn to move on your own. You make your choices and live with the consequences. In other words you become a giver of meaning, you walk without knowing where your feet take you. You steer your choices towards where you know is meaning and leave behind meaningless behaviour.”

  “How can you have goals in life, if everything becomes pedestrian, beyond you? You don’t even know anymore who or what you walk for. Yourself or someone else, this someone else being an imagination or the exclusive title holder of God, Universe, or whatever other pretty name you got, maybe even the complete absence thereof.”

  Being lost and found at the same time,

  Chained and Free,

  Unconscious and Conscious,

  Drifter and Helmsman,

  Dead and Alive,

  In service and On leave,

  The ultimate Conundrum and Clusterfuck!

  Unless there never was one to begin with...

  Bhosun smirks while hunching up his shoulders, staying silent, looking intently at the eyes of Henry.

  “What are you so worried about? Isn’t that an awesome way of living? Walking on the edge of a razor-sharp sword. Living with your head on fire, farting into burning flames to see where they propel you. Dancing for eternity into infinity.”

  Henry gets up screaming, “That’s chaos and madness, that’s dangerous.”

  Bhosun stays calmly seated, “Well life’s a mystery, on what basis or principle do you propose to act then. You can’t walk with crutches either, you’ll outgrow them at some point. I prefer walking mysteriously and in full honesty. Working and advancing my needs, whatever they may be. Housing, food or getting carried by the winds of change. You can try choose sides, but which one will be more right?”

  Dumbfounded, as if hit by an arrow, Henry falls down on the floor, silent.

  “I simply embrace the mystery, becoming a mystery even to myself. My process and journey are right for me but I should never transpose or act as if that will ever be the case for everybody. Consciousness isn’t something to be sold as if one or another could ever just hand it out. Consciousness isn’t either something where the higher you are, the better off you are.

  You just change your point of view within the whole field of possibility. To attain a level of consciousness worth reaching, a lot of time may pass until you are able to maintain it daily. It is a complete and total singular process.

  Whomever you are and wherever you are, you are the one having this process, or better put, consciousness is. Consciousness is everywhere and in every thing, to be conscious thereof and to be constantly reminding yourself of it is something else. It is this continual reminding I speak of, which is hard to attain, depending on your living environment and into what circumstances you were born.

  We climb mountains not to stay high,

  but to see where the ravines take us.

  Something to keep in mind is the current emotional state you have. If you don’t feel at ease you may better not ingest a strong substance like this as your problems may flare up even more. As with anything, life is a process, so whatever seems sharp and dangerous at one point, may prove to have been beneficial in the long run.

  Fears and emotional blockages may be brought up. Traumas and bad habits may be highlighted. Do you feel that you can fathom looking at what you are afraid to deal with?

  These mushrooms are best eaten on an empty stomach.

  There’s also that the journey is generally an internal one. Can you sit with yourself, in silence without trying to distract yourself as quickly as possible? What if your thoughts begin distracting you, enlarging your worries, can you deal with that in an altered state of mind that just doesn’t work the way you are used to? Can you deal with yourself panicking? If you can’t deal with suddenly overwhelming situations, do you perhaps need someone to watch over you, when you are, in and out of things?

  There are always exceptions to general rules. They are there to make the experience as easy as possible, to flow in and out of this internal journey.

  As you don’t know what to expect and even if you think to know what to expect, the real power of these kind of substances is that they can always surprise you, in good and bad ways. Or you may get too full of yourself and make a decision about dosage that perhaps you shouldn’t have.

  In my humble opinion, dosage is always dosed in accordance with the medicine itself, not your opinion. Do you have the time to build up an internal dialogue or other with the consciousness within this mushroom and will you then listen to it or prefer thinking you know better?”

  “I feel like I am in good surroundings, with beings I care about. I care about myself. I don’t know whether I am already able to respect the consciousness within these mushrooms as I haven’t interacted much with the mushrooms yet.”

  “The best way to get to know these mushrooms is tending to them. Taking care of their well-being, even without ingesting them. Just touching and admiring them, being close to these or other types of mushrooms. Being close to my beautiful excrements.”

  “Your excrements, geez, no thanks. I can’t say that my quest is over but I don’t feel bad emotionally, nor haunted by my past. So I can assume that I am ready to go, no? I have a taste for adventure and this dark environment is the perfect place to have an internal journey.”

  “We are in the perfect spot for internal journey’s. You’re probably not even aware how right you are.

  My next question is, what do you seek to get out of this experience. As once you take this substance, there’s no going back anymore. It is not the type of experience you can walk back or away from afterwards. Once you ingest a high enough dose of mushrooms, you are in it until the end of the experience. It is life-changing to many people. A passage to which there is no going back. Are you prepared for that too?”

  “Why should I want to go back anyway? Every moment is a passage to which there is no going back, with that experience it will only be a stronger point of no return. Life is also about being able to go on and not getting stuck. I wouldn’t venture myself in here, this cave, if that would bother me.”

  “This may likely change your way of thinking and how you view yourself. It may be true that every moment only happens once, yet how you experience it, affects whether you get stuck in the moment for a while or not. It takes certain attitudes to keep on letting go of the past. Can you already do so on a daily basis?”

  “Isn’t that in a way what my quest is about? To find that which doesn’t fit for me in how I view myself and the life I am living. To discover how to live with such an attitude. There is this nagging feeling and I will try my best to bring it to peace.”

  “I have given you my point of view. You listen to yourself and decide for yourself.

  How about we go and harvest a nice few specimen. I’ll put out a few doses for different kinds of experiences. Knowing that for you even a small dose may be strong or weak, depending on many factors. Then I’ll retire, leaving the option for you to request my help or stay close so you are in an as safe as possible environment.”

  “Will you come with me and show me which to harvest?”

  “Sure, will be my pleasure. Let’s head to the toilet, to my fruits of digestion.”

  “In a way your fruits of digestion represent what you have learned in your life, your experiences which feed another species that thrives on experiences of life, digested. The mushrooms are also a conscious entity themselves, with their needs beyond simply growing and being ingested.

  What have they helped bring forward in the human evolution? How have they evolved themselves through interactions with humans? What knowledge, what powers are there in their consciousness? How has this interaction with human consciousness come to be what it is today? Are they given the right respectful attitude in approaching conscious entities?

  Do they even want to be ingested, when we choose to ingest them? This basically counts for everything we consume. The world isn’t there to serve our every whim, it is more us that ought to be in service to life, for this gift given. Ought we perhaps as tokens of respect to plant patches for these beautiful entities to give them habitat to grow. Or allow them to create a spot on their own close to where we live.”

  “All that is part of taking care of our allies and friends. The right attitude will uncover itself through mutual interactions and a necessary respect.”

  Bhosun places out three different doses. The first with only one small mushroom. The second six mushrooms. The last one with fifty mushrooms.

  “Now you know what I want you to know. You may not yet understand everything experientially. That is natural. The first one won’t make you travel, it’ll allow you to come closer and build a relationship over time. The second should allow you to travel and experience your first sacred mushroom experience. The last one is too much. You can put them aside or eat them all at once. You can take more of your first dose over time. Or a few of the second type.

  Everything is possible and you are free to make your choice. You can have a good first experience or not a very good one.

  Weigh what I’ve told you and make your choice. I’ll retire now but feel free to come to me if you need it. Yours the choice, yours the responsibility.”