It was not the best-laid plan of mice and men to let two buzzed women who loved animals find their way to the farm that supplied the world with domestic pork, beef, chicken, lamb, eggs, milk, honey, and wool.

  It was certainly not a "mice-type" of plan to be standing there with fabric tied across their faces to hide their identities, especially when one was a gray-furred cat beastkin and the other was the only Celf in the world. Nor was it a "men-type" of plan to have tools designed for breaking stone and cutting wood at the ready to attempt to break locks and chains.

  No, this was not a good plan of Mice and Men.

  But of Rats and Women? It was genius, and certainly much better than Noobkitty’s original suggestion to simply set the place on fire.

  A third of a mile away, an Admin was currently facepalming as she read the live logs from the World AI, debating exactly what should be done.

  But here was where the action was. It reminded Noobkitty of her life as Lyla; she may have allegedly, more than once, liberated a lamb, a chicken, or even a monkey. But something she had always wanted to do, but never had the chance, was free the large animals, like a steer or a pig.

  HnyThsl gave silent hand signals while the two hid behind the farm’s welcome sign. Nibs the rat squeaked in the affirmative. Noobkitty nodded, though she admittedly had no idea what the Celf was signaling; she would just follow Nibs’s lead. They found the steer pen: a small, rectangular patch of dirt. Its center was carved with deep grooves and hoof marks from the countless times the beast had been respawned. So many players wanted steaks, but since there were no wild cows, there was just this one steer, respawning over and over again in a loop.

  Noobkitty was clumsy in her attempt to break the lock. Eventually, she gave up, pulled out her oversized crafter’s hammer, and simply started bashing the fence itself. With the barrier down, the steer mechanically started to walk toward the barn. Both Noobkitty and HnyThsl saw the blood-stained dirt and straw on the barn floor ahead.

  HnyThsl covered her mouth in revulsion at the sight. She dashed forward, trying to stop the automatic pathing of the steer.

  "Stop! Please!" she cried, trying to push the beast back. She knew he wasn't one of the self-aware ones; she knew he was just a program, but something in her couldn't let this... data... mindlessly walk into its cycle of death. She tried to speak to him again. "Stop! Please!" Her mind sobered up as she struggled and yelled, she then recieved a notification.

  Congratulations! Your [Speak with Animals] skill has improved.

  The steer stopped and blinked. His body visibly flickered as a conflict of data fought inside him: his new existence clashing against his data’s repeated nightmare.

  Suddenly, a farmer emerged, pitchfork in hand. "What are you players doing with my steer? If you want a steak, go to one of our fine stores!"

  It was obvious by his flat tone that he was a non-awakened NPC.

  Noobkitty had practiced eating pies quickly, so was able to down an entire Apple Pie in seconds to give herself a Charisma Boost. She walked up to the farmer confidently.

  "Hello, Farmer! The local herbalist has a massive crush on you and wants you to help run her shop. So, please, leave the farm to us players."

  "You players keep messing around and I'll have to use this here pitchfork," the programmed NPC replied, his script failing to account for her lie.

  Noobkitty sighed.

  HnyThsl then realized something. "I... I'm here to buy your farm! I need to level up my skill, Pastoral Arts!"

  The NPC blinked as his programming adjusted to the new prompt. "Well now, I'd be happy to retire and let a skilled farmer take over."

  A pop-up appeared in front of HnyThsl. She choked when she saw the price; she didn't have nearly enough money. Seeing the dilemma Noobkitty sent HnyThsl a trade offer.

  Noobkitty is offering you a trade: [Farm Credits] for [Gold].

  HnyThsl looked to the small cat-girl, who just grinned. HnyThsl accepted the trade and finalized the purchase.

  Congratulations! You bought the farm!

  You now have the Farm Management Interface!

  The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  Congratulations! Your [Pastoral Arts] skill has increased to Lv. 3!

  "Well, with that out of the way, I should see about that herbalist," the farmer said, tipping his hat before walking off toward town.

  HnyThsl looked down at her new interface. It showed a massive inventory section and a map detailing the location of every animal on the property, complete with timers showing when they were ready to "produce." There were grazing fields where most of the sheep were kept, and evidently, one very lonely llama.

  "Well, now I own a farm. What do I actually do with it?"

  Noobkitty, who was admittedly still quite drunk, moved the cloth from her face and grinned. "You free the animals, silly."

  "But then what? Won't they just get eaten by monsters?"

  Noobkitty shook her head. "Their respawn point is here. Those who want to stay can stay, we just have to be nice to them. No more locking them up or killing them." She pulled two "spirited" Fallen Heroines from her inventory; the ice had stayed perfectly frozen in her storage. She offered one to HnyThsl. "Have you ever been to a sanctuary farm?"

  They looked around. The place was still gloomy, but on the bright side, the steer had stopped walking toward his death. HnyThsl nodded, hearing the steer’s grateful words in her mind. "Yes. Please take us to the others; we'll free them next."

  Noobkitty’s eyes lit up. It was "so cool" that HnyThsl could talk to cows. Cows... they should definitely free the milk cow next! She ran toward the milking barn, raising her hammer to bash the door.

  "Stop! It’s unlocked! I unlocked all the doors!" HnyThsl shouted, stopping the cat from smashing her newly acquired barn door.

  Noobkitty tentatively opened the door. Inside was a mother cow with her calf. The baby looked weaker than he should, and Noobkitty noticed it had only recently shaken off its shackles. She wanted to hug the calf, but she was stopped both by HnyThsl, who was slightly less buzzed, and a warning glare from the mother cow.

  The mother mooed loudly at first, then calmed as HnyThsl spoke to her. Two new notifications popped up, informing HnyThsl that her Speak with Animals and Pastoral Arts skills had leveled up again.

  HnyThsl looked at Noobkitty. "I’m leveling my skills so fast today. I wonder... does farming count as Druid stuff?"

  "Depends on how you do it, I’d think," Noobkitty mused. "Can I get consent to pet the cows now?"

  HnyThsl spoke with the mother cow, who looked at Noobkitty and gave a slow, understanding nod. Interestingly, the mother cow informed HnyThsl that she and her baby had only just now "woken up." They had conflicting, fragmented memories of a past world and a mindless existence here.

  "Why are the farm animals becoming self-aware now?" HnyThsl wondered aloud. Then she realized the obvious. She looked up at the sky. "Why are they waking up now?"

  "Part of the package deal I arranged for semi-awake animals included several farm-types," Coro?en’s voice explained from the air.

  "But why today?"

  The world paused, as if looking at her incredulously. "I wasn't going to repeatedly murder and exploit self-aware AI. I’m not a monster. You don't plan to kill them, so it is finally safe to give them their autonomy."

  That made sense. HnyThsl felt a wave of relief that this farm hadn't been staffed by self-aware AI during its darker days. Noobkitty, who had been listening while hugging the baby cow (who seemed quite happy about the attention), laughed. "Guess I didn't need to give Fizzypop so much grief about their bacon. Oh well..." Her eyes lit up again. "Piggy!"

  The cat dashed off once more. HnyThsl sighed and took a long sip of her drink; she wasn't nearly drunk enough to babysit this cat-woman. She made a mental checklist: pigs were next, then chickens, then waterfowl, and finally the sheep and the llama. Maybe she’d call a farm meeting to discuss their future.

  She had a sudden thought and laughed, looking down at her own hooved Celf feet. "Good thing I can't say 'four legs bad, two legs good.'" She considered it further. "Maybe we could have a rotating schedule for who gets to sleep in the farmer's bed, since I won't need it."

  She continued to muse on the comparisons to Animal Farm as she made her way to the pigpen. There, she found Noobkitty. The cat was hugging a pig and crying, a complete, emotional mess. The pig looked confused and... disconnected.

  HnyThsl knelt in the mud next to the distraught animal. She asked him if he was okay and received a heart-wrenching story. He spoke of fragments of memory, of endless cycles of death and respawn. He said he didn't want those memories; he didn't want to have nightmares of his own perpetual slaughter. It wasn't just this world, he remembered every world. He had always been wanted only for his demise. How could he enjoy a hug from a silly cat when he knew the whole world just wanted him dead?

  HnyThsl placed her hand on his flank. She couldn't imagine it; pigs didn't survive "giving bacon," and if his previous lives were the same... She shuddered and looked up. "Is there something we can do about this?"

  "I can delete his memories, but most beings don't want that," Coro?en said plainly.

  HnyThsl offered the choice to the pig. Surprisingly, he smiled. Death had made him bitter yet wise, and he wanted the chance to be new. The idea gave his eyes a slight spark before his dull eyes turned dark for a moment, then they widened and light reflected in them with a newfound clarity. He saw HnyThsl, then saw the cat-woman in the mud with him, and nudged her playfully. He was happy, as happy as a pig in muck as he snuffled the laughing cat.

  HnyThsl wondered if she had done the right thing. What had been lost in those memories? She called to the pig, and he still had a voice; he was still aware. He was just... happy in his ignorance of what was gone.

  "Noobkitty, chickens are next," she announced, wiping her own eyes. Her Druid progress bar was moving significantly now, though she wasn't entirely sure why.

  Chickens, ducks, a very haughty goose, the sheep, and the llama were all gathered in the farm’s central courtyard. They all looked at her expectantly. Noobkitty, who seemed to have packed even more drinks, was busy petting the llama.

  Before HnyThsl could even begin her speech, she was bombarded by a cascade of system notifications.

  Congratulations! Your [Speak with Animals] has transformed into [One with Animals]! You now automatically know the language of any self-aware animal.

  WORLD ANNOUNCEMENT: Player HnyThsl is the first player to unlock the skill [One with Animals]!

  Congratulations! Your [Pastoral Arts] skill is now Lv. 10. Animals in your care will now be healthier and happier.

  Congratulations! After demonstrating your love of nature and understanding of balance, you have unlocked the [Druid] Class!

  WORLD ANNOUNCEMENT: Player HnyThsl is the first player to unlock the class [Druid]!

  Congratulations! You have reached Lv. 4!

  HnyThsl stood stunned, her prepared speech forgotten.

  "What!" Noobkitty screamed. "She gets to talk to every animal now?! I don't even get to talk to my Assistant Chef!"

  Nibs the rat patted his friend and employer on the side of her head sympathetically.