“A dismount!” said the king, “A dismount! Does that mean-”

  “No!” Lala cried. She pointed at Gal. He was also unconscious on the ground.

  “But… who fell first?” The king asked.

  There was a chasm of sound as the crowd determined what to do.

  The king exited his chair and placed his hands on the balcony, “Well, come on! Make a ruling!”

  An announcer stumbled out. He looked back at his fellow judges, who waved him to go on.

  In a loud voice, the announcer said, “We can not determine who fell first.” He waved his hand at the spider. It was on its back with its legs curled, “But Gal’s mount has died. The win goes to the monsters.”

  The pig touched Akun with his nose. Akun’s head fire was dim.

  “Did we do it?” Akun asked.

  “We did it.” The pig said, “You did it.”

  Akun nodded, “I’m going to need a lie down.”

  People hurled food and booed at the result. Yesterday’s hero was today’s loser. The strange monsters beat the ‘good guy.’ But under the ubiquity of the booing… There were small pockets of cheers. Quickly silenced and forgotten, but there nonetheless.

  Stormbristle hoisted Akun onto his back and waddled off to the underground bunker.

  Kip, Lala, Tamas, and Jasssper rushed down from the skybox, leaving a gobsmacked King in his seat. The four made their way down through the crowd to the underground tunnel.

  Storm was recovering in his own way. He shuffled his feet on a carpet, using the static to recharge his body, and drank some water.

  “You were amazing!” Kip said as he ran up and hugged Storm, “You crushed them!”

  “Thank you,” Storm said, “But I couldn’t do it without Akun.”

  Akun rested on the bench in the dugout. He had a dried piece of wood to his head to add some heat. He was still breathing deeply while Lala fished out Shuriken from his bones, “Was nothing. I think Storm here taught me something about being part of a team. Huh, Storm?”

  “Nothing you wouldn’t have learned without me.”

  He turned to Kip, “I’m sorry I tried to sabotage you with Zeke. I still don’t think you’re fit for leadership, but… hey, that’s my prerogative. We can talk about challenging you later.”

  “Uh,.. sure. I accept your apology and I suppose… the gauntlet you’ve thrown. How do you feel?”

  “Like a million bucks,” He took a deep breath, “Ran me over. Like a million bucks ran me over, and when they saw what they did, they turned around and ran me over again.”

  “Right. Sorry to hear.”

  “And then… just when they were done running me over, they all developed tools and made hammers and whacked me with the hammers.”

  “Geez,” Said Tamas, “I’m so sorry about that.”

  “And soon… one of the million bucks developed a new hammer. A hammer made out of buck antlers. It’s more of an axe. And they all took turns with the new hammer, just whacking me in different parts of my body over and over again.”

  “I'm sorry to hear that; are you done?” Jasssper asked.

  “And the biggest buck sat on me and farted. Yeah, I’m done.”

  “They’re still setting up the new obstacle course,” Said Kip.

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  “Lord, I’m beat,” Said Akun. He looked over at Lala. Who gave a worried glance, “Look. I think... I’m going to have to call out.”

  “Do you think you can fight one on one?” Jasssper asked.

  “Look at him,” Said Lala, “No, he can’t.”

  “Yeah,” Akun said, “Hold on, let me try to stand.” Akun tried to take a step forward, but stumbled immediately. Tamas and Lala had to place themselves under his shoulder and drag him back to the bench.

  “Tamas. Tamas, I’m sorry. I was mad. I still am mad and you’re kind of a chud.”

  “I.. I’ll help you craft a better apology later,” Said Tamas.

  “Look, just give me a couple of hours. I can do this.” Akun pleaded.

  “If we can’t get him to do it,” Lala said, “Who shall fight in his stead?”

  “I can do this,” Reiterated Akun, “Just-”

  “No. You can’t.” Kip said, “You can’t, and that’s fine.”

  Akun looked over at Kip. He took one deep breath and said, “Yeah, yeah, no, I can’t.”

  He looked over at Lala again.

  Kip shook his head.

  Storm stepped forward, “I would argue I have the second most combat capabilities… I could-”

  “It’ll be me, " said Kip. It will be me who goes up against them.”

  “Are you sure, my boy?” Storm asked, “You’re the dark lord. Your safety is our utmost priority.”

  “Lissten to the pig, sire. We can not afford to lossse you.”

  “This was all my idea. I’m the one who wants this plan to work. It should be signed with my name. Even if that signature is written in my bones and sinew.”

  Akun let out a pained sigh, “Okay. I kinda see it now.” And he pulled his head back, and fell asleep.

  “It’s fine. I’ve been fighting. I’m level 5 now.”

  “That Ironwood’s got to be at least level 20!” Said the pig, “She’s probably physically stronger than Zeke. And almost as agile as Davorin!” The pig said, “You do this and you’ll die!”

  Kip shook his head, “No… I can do this. I’ve gotten out of impossible situations before. I’ve… burrowed out. With my mind.”

  “Sire…”

  “It’s done. It’ll be my life on the line. Now, onto the next thing.” Kip said.

  “If I could just-”

  Kip stuck his hand up, “I've decided. Onto the next challenge,” he looked at Lala, “I’m sorry. But Storm is out of water. Akun is injured. And I have to save my strength. The only logical next step is that you go out there in my stead for Floor is Lava. Is that alright?”

  “Is it… Alright?” She asked.

  “Is it?”

  “If it is what need be done.”

  “Thank you, Lala.”

  Lala nodded, “Maybe they’ll need a shape shifter after all!”

  Kip let out a terse laugh, “What a lot, huh?” he looked around at his crew, “We’ve got a satyr who can’t stay out of trouble. We’ve got a changeling with a permanent scar. My advisor is a literal snake. Storm… you’re okay. You’re pretty normal.”

  “I have insomnia.”

  “A pig with insomnia!” Kip said, “We’ve all got something. Where would I, a weak dark lord, be without my motley lot? But… let’s not dilly-dally. Let’s get to it.” Kip shook his head, ready to raise hell with these people.

  “How are you going to win against Ironwood?” Jasssper asked, “You’ll die.”

  “Kip shook his head. “Then I’ll die as the Dark Lord with the shortest tenure.”

  Kip put his fist in, “Who’s ready for the next stage?”

  “Is your team ready?” Danver poked his head into the tunnel, the field has been changed.”

  “Thank you, Danver.” Kip said, He turned to Lala, “Lala, I’ve already strategized with these three on the most optimal routes and subroutes. They should have a plan to help you out. Just keep moving and be agile. Does that sound good for you?”

  “Yeah,” Lala agreed, “That sounds alright.”

  “You got this.”

  Lala was shaking as she walked up with Jasssper and Tamas. They felt the heat from the lava emanating down the tunnel.

  “So,” Lala said, “You boys have plans?”

  Tamas scratched his belly, “Yeah, the rules are that we don’t have to compete with the team directly. It’s more of a high-stakes race. We’re supposed to make it alive, but we can just leave the others alone. No need for offense.”

  Jasssper chimed in, “We’ve got some plans in placccce. Just follow our lead.”

  Lala nodded her head.

  They stepped out. The obstacle course had been assembled. It was, as Kip said, the same general track. Some of the larger set pieces could not be fixed overnight. But to some parts of the race, alterations were made or variations were put in place.

  Jasssper turned to Tamas and mentioned that they would be keeping the alpha plan mostly intact, with a slight deviation around the second bend because instead of magma jabblers, there was a walkway of lava hippos.

  Lala felt an air of confidence. It was clear that these two had a plan. She was agile, would be boosted by Tamas… and this entire bout could be entirely nonconfrontational. In a way, it was perfect for Lala. She looked at the other team on the other side. She saw a dwarf, with long black hair braided down his beard and around his waist like a belt. There was another human. This one was stretching and warming up with hand springs and backflips. And then her face sank.

  As Kip, Akun, and Storm headed to the skybox, the king brought his arms out, “You two! You two winners! What a show you both put on! Love these guys! L. O. V. E. Oh, Akun. I heard you would no longer be fighting in the one-on-one. I’m so sorry to hear.”

  Akun slumped to the goose down couch and slumped down on it. He put his foot on a coffee table. Kip reached over and grabbed a coaster, “Up.”

  Akun lifted his foot, and Kip put a coaster under it, “Thank you.”

  “We’re excited for what our team has for you today,” Kip said.

  “Yes. Well.. this is set to be a very interesting game. We have someone who doesn’t normally compete.”

  Akun’s face shrank.

  Kip cocked his head, “Who?”

  “Why… Ironwood volunteered to be on the team.”

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