As the sun shone through my bedroom window, I slowly left dreamland, managing to wake up a few minutes before my alarm. With a yawn, I watched the fiery ball outside my window rising up past the horizon. I doubted anyone in my friend group would be online, but I still sat up and reached underneath my bed, pulling out my laptop. Only a few of my friends slept on a regular schedule, but it was possible for some of them to be awake.

  Once my computer came to life, I logged into our group channel. With a group full of tech-savvy people, most of them preferred open software, not something run by a company. From time to time it had made things more difficult for me, but my friends had always been there to help me out if I ran into any problems. Granted, I wasn’t a very computer literate person, but I did like spending time with this group, and they seemed to like my company. Learning how to effectively use these kinds of electronics was akin to a form of initiation; if you couldn’t figure it out, you didn’t belong. Thankfully, I knew just enough to get by, and everyone was ready to step in where needed. Now logged in, I saw three people online–a different group from last night. Logical, considering everyone free last night was likely now working or sleeping.

  “Morning, everyone” I typed into the chat.

  A reply came a moment later from one of the newer members of the group. “YellowDog”, who’d joined about a month ago.

  “Good morning!” Was his response, the next line appearing just below: “Glad to be back! Sorry I haven’t been around here lately, just got back from my trip to Mexico.”

  “Glad to have you back!” I replied, unsure of what else to say.

  Small talk wasn’t something I understood really well, so I usually just let a conversation happen between others, jumping in from time to time. As a result, one-on-one conversations didn’t tend to go for very long if I was involved. Suddenly, the link to a photo album popped into the chat.

  “Here, take a look”

  I followed the link YellowDog sent, opening a new browser window. A new series of images bursting with color swam through my vision. I scrolled through the images, taking in the snapshots of people doing different things. Although it was largely the same group of people in each image, the backgrounds differed as they stood at the beach in one shot, then they were eating at a restaurant in another. Later images showed them swimming, followed by bike riding…

  …it reminded me: I had always had a hard time seeing who anyone was in these types of photos. My laptop screen could only show blue, green, and red–not enough to see every color perfectly, but enough to give me a vague idea of what I was meant to see. I scrolled through them, looking for YellowDog, but I couldn’t see him anywhere. Everyone in the pictures looked like John and Emily.

  “Are you in any of these pictures?” I typed, unsure of myself.

  “Some of them,” YellowDog quickly answered, “I was the one holding the camera the whole time so the pictures with the selfies are me.”

  I scrolled through a few more images, but the only selfies I saw were of someone who looked like John.

  “I must be missing them or something. They look good though. Looks like you had a nice time!”

  A moment went by as YellowDog took some time to respond. He was probably double-checking the folder of images.

  “No, they’re all there. Here”

  He sent me a direct link to an image. There was no doubt it was one of the pictures I had been looking at, but the person in the image still looked like John.

  “Oh that’s you? Sorry, I had a very different image of you in my head” I sent.

  He responded back a few seconds later, “Ha! Yeah I guess that makes sense. Not all Linux developers are overweight, I like to take care of myself”

  I tilted my head a bit as I read the response. The person in the photo definitely wasn’t fat, but I’d been referring to something else entirely.

  “No, I meant like, I thought you’d be more dog-like”

  “I guess”

  “I dunno”

  I typed each message out all in quick succession, not wanting to seem rude or press the issue.

  “What, like a furry?” YellowDog replied, “No, I chose this username because of a project I worked on a long time ago”

  Before I could respond, another user joined the channel, ‘Benji17’.

  “Hey there” He greeted.

  “Hey Ben,” YellowDog greeted back, “Tess thought I was a furry”

  “You aren’t?” Benji asked, making me feel a tiny bit better. “I thought you were like, a golden retriever or something”

  “Dammit, don’t any of you know your distros?”

  I looked away from the chat window. I wasn’t sure, but it felt like YellowDog was making fun of me. Maybe it was better for me to stop participating before it upset me. I went back to my browser window, opening a new tab and searching for “yellowdog”. Sure enough, the search engine came up with picture after picture of golden retrievers and other yellow canines. With a small, thoughtful hum, I changed my search to “yellowdog linux”. Now it started to make more sense. I was looking at an old operating system from a few decades ago; this result seemed to match what he was talking back.

  As I looked back at the chat, I saw the conversation had gone back to YellowDog’s trip to Mexico. Still, there was a word he’d used earlier, and it had caught my attention.

  Furry…

  Obviously, I knew what the word meant, but something about the context of it in the conversation confused me. I typed ‘furry’ into the search box, curious to see what would happen. The results…confused me. Most of the pictures were people in animal costumes, mostly dogs from what I saw. I continued to scroll, figuring costumed people must have been what YellowDog meant. While I did find a few pictures of people drawing animals, the only real-life pictures I could find were all costumes. As I continued browsing, I started to notice something odd…there wasn’t a single picture of anyone who looked like me. I did find a few pictures with these costumed people without their masks, but they all looked like John and Emily underneath their outfits.

  I sat back in bed, leaning my head gently against the wooden headboard as I thought over what I had just found. I only knew two people, at least, people I knew in person. Both of them looked almost the same. I didn’t really watch television or movies, but looking back, everyone in what I had seen all generally had the same shape. They had different heights, weights and voices, but…none of them looked anything like me.

  Except for the animated ones…

  So movies and television were just like what I was seeing on my screen: either the ‘furries’ were drawn pictures, or they were people like John and Emily, wearing costumes and masks. As I thought about it more…my phone’s camera was broken when I got it, and it was the same with my laptop’s camera. I hadn’t paid it much mind, but now I realized I’d never taken a picture of myself. Even if I wanted to, I never had any working equipment I could use. The mental pieces in my head were starting to come together, but it still wasn’t a complete picture. Was there some sort of rule about people like me not being allowed to have their pictures taken?

  Even as I considered the possibility of a rule…it wouldn’t make any sense to have one. Still, I was having a hard time thinking of any other reason.

  The reason nobody else online looks like me is because they’re also not allowed to take pictures of themselves. But why?

  My thoughts kept going in circles as I continued laying in bed. All of my brain power was committed to thinking of what the reason could possibly be for this rule. Before I could come up with any answer, I was interrupted by a knock on my door.

  “Good morning, Tess!” I heard.

  I recognized that voice immediately.

  My laptop screen was quickly closed with a soft thud. It was probably best she didn’t see what I was researching.

  “Emily?” I asked out, hiding the sheepishness in my voice.

  I knew it was her, even if I hadn’t seen her for a while. Most days Emily visited, I was already aware she would be here. Emily opened the door and stepped in, a big smile on her face as she saw me.

  “Of course! You didn’t think I’d miss your eighteenth birthday, did you?” She asked.

  Her response surprised me for a moment…and then I remembered the message on my phone from last night. With everything I had been thinking about this morning, I had completely forgotten my birthday. It must have shown on my face, considering Emily’s smile turned into a laugh.

  “Don’t tell me you forgot.”

  If I could have shrunk under the covers at that moment, I would have been impossible to find. Even though I had known Emily for my whole life, I never felt comfortable around her. She was always asking me questions, and it felt like I was getting judged on everything I did. I knew it wasn’t her fault for being curious, but sometimes she asked enough questions to make me feel like I was taking an exam.

  She walked in, gently sitting on the foot of my bed. “Hey, it’s fine. I forget mine sometimes, too.”

  Emily smiled again. Sometimes, I felt so silly for feeling nervous in these situations. Whenever Emily and I talked, I was always nervous and uncomfortable, but she had been nothing but friendly to me. I found it easier to talk to John, probably because he wasn’t much for small talk and got straight to the point. As Emily reached out, she gently took my hand, looking at me carefully. It took me a moment, but eventually I looked back at her.

  “Are you feeling okay, Tess?”

  Suddenly I realized: I hadn’t said a word since Emily walked into my room. Last time Emily was here, she’d asked me to work on being more involved in conversations, too.

  “Sorry, I just woke up. You kind of surprised me. I’ll be ready in a few minutes, though.” I said, excusing myself.

  Emily nodded, standing up from the bed as she walked to the door. Putting a hand on my door frame, she turned back around slightly.

  “I’ll be downstairs. Don’t keep us waiting too long.”

  With a reassuring smile, she closed the door behind herself as the sound of her steps grew more and more faint. I took a deep breath, relaxing back into the bed with a sigh. I really hated getting nervous in conversations. I pulled myself out of bed, snatching my hair brush off of my nightstand as I walked over to the mirror in my room. Taking a quick look at myself, I blinked. I was only wearing my pajama bottoms; my top always felt too uncomfortable to wear while I was sleeping. As I expected, my fur was its usual, unkempt mess, the same as every morning after I got out of bed. Although brushing my fur was the first part of my morning routine, it felt different this time.

  While I gently ran the brush through my fur, my mind went back to what I was thinking about after I woke up. I looked at myself in the mirror, really studying myself for the first time. My body and tail were a single shape. Sure, it was just as much a part of me as everything else, but John and Emily didn’t have the same body structure as me at all. They were different, extremely different. Their legs were much longer than mine. John had…a little fur on his arms and legs, but it wasn’t anything like mine. I gently ran the brush across the back of my ears, thinking about their small, fixed ears compared to mine. My ears were far larger and able to move in all sorts of directions, something John and Emily didn’t seem to be able to do.

  I set the brush down on my dresser, pulling my hand back and examining it. Both of them only had five fingers on each hand. I had seven, and mine usually stayed in groups, which meant it looked like I had four. Inspecting my hand, I separated the two fingers closest to my thumb. So this was what it looked like…having five fingers. It looked strange to me, but for them, it couldn’t be more normal. I was finally starting to realize exactly how different John and Emily were from me. Something about the whole thing made me feel awkward. I hadn’t thought twice about how different we were…not until now.

  Why are they so different?

  As much as I couldn’t stop thinking about it, I eventually managed to pull my attention away from all of the questions circling around in my head. Right now, I had to get ready for the day. As I made a mental note to think about it later, I grabbed my clothes from the dresser, getting prepared for the day ahead of me.

  ***

  “How are your friends doing?” Emily asked.

  The three of us were relaxing in the living room, right next to the warm glow of the fireplace. I never liked looking into the fire, something about it made me feel uncomfortable, but I could at least sit with my back facing it.

  Emily was doing her usual thing. When she asked anything–how I was doing, if I was feeling well, how much sleep I was getting, how many friends I’d made online–all of it felt like an interrogation. My responses were almost all a singular word of affirmation. I did remember her asking me to participate more, but whenever she asked me a long series of questions, it made me feel like there was no direction for the conversation to continue effectively. Unsure of what to do, I simply told her the answer to whatever she asked while I tried to anticipate what exactly would be her next question.

  Fortunately, John finally cut in.

  “Hey Emily, did you bring Tess’s present?”

  “Oh!” She nodded, “I left it in the car by accident. I’ll go get it.”

  As Emily moved to stand, John held up a hand to stop her.

  “No, I got it. You two continue your conversation, and I’ll be right back.”

  My heart sank as he got up. The sound of John’s boots gently thudded towards the door as he opened it slowly, the wooden door swinging shut with a creak after a few agonizing moments. If anything, I wasn’t upset with Emily, but myself. I wished so desperately to be able to talk to her the same way she talked to me.

  “So,” She said, looking back in my direction, “do you want to know anything about me?”

  I appreciated what Emily was trying to do–getting me to start a conversation with her–but I didn’t even know what to ask her. She had already told me about her day, and she had already talked with John about what she had been doing recently while I was in the room with them. I thought for a moment. There was something I wanted to ask her about, but I didn’t know how to say what had been on my mind. Thinking about it internally was tough enough; asking about it out loud sounded nearly impossible. Still, I didn’t want to let Emily down. My stomach felt as if it was twisting inside of me, the nervousness making my body uncomfortable as I took a deep breath. It sounded stupid, but I decided to ask anyway.

  “Why…” I stopped, trying to formulate a proper sentence amidst the heartbeat thudding in my ears until I settled on a less direct question, “why don’t any animals talk like us?”

  It felt like the type of thing a small child would ask, and it wouldn’t exactly help me with what I was feeling. Even though it wasn’t what I meant to ask Emily, it was a step in the right direction, I thought. With the hope it might buy me time to collect my thoughts, I waited for her answer.

  She frowned, confused by the question. “Hmm…I…it’s just something they can’t do.”

  I knew my thought probably came out of nowhere to her, but I at least now knew what to ask next.

  “Why am I able to?”

  It seemed like a simple question, but I could see Emily wasn’t prepared for this inquiry, either.

  “S-Sorry, I don’t understand where this is coming from, Tess...” She responded weakly, looking down at the floor.

  I recognized that look. It was the same expression I had whenever I was asked something I felt uncomfortable answering. I decided not to dance around the issue any longer, and I asked her what I really wanted to know:

  “What am I?”

  She looked up at me, the color in her face slowly draining as each second passed. As Emily stammered for a moment, searching for the right words, the door suddenly opened as John returned from the icy world outside, holding a large box.

  “Found it.” He announced, walking back into the living room and setting the present on the coffee table.

  John looked over at Emily, noticing her now staring back down at the floor. I knew it was something she didn’t want to talk about–at least, not right now–and now I felt guilty for pressing her so hard about it. It wasn’t in my personality, being pushy, but it had been a strange morning, and something didn’t feel right to me today.

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  A frown crossed John’s face as he looked between us. “Something wrong?”

  Emily shook her head as she snapped out of her stupor. She reached out, grabbing my hand.

  “We’ll talk about it later, okay? For now, let’s just focus on your birthday.” She said, looking over towards the box.

  I nodded. As much as I wanted an answer, if she would tell me later, that promise was good enough for me. Besides, Emily had visited for my birthday, and I was curious to know what they had gotten me. I stood up slowly, making my way over to the table. John smiled widely at me while I picked up the box, examining it. Whatever it was, it didn’t weigh much. Gently, I pulled at the cardboard until the top slid open, reaching in to pull out what looked like a tiny guitar.

  Then it dawned on me.

  “Oh my gosh…”

  I pulled the instrument out of its box. Sure enough...

  “You got me a ukulele?”

  It was a small, cute little instrument. I had never seen one aside from pictures and videos online, much less gotten the chance to play one. It physically felt a bit like a small acoustic guitar, but it only had four strings. Each wire was made of plastic instead of the metal I was used to playing, the mostly transparent strings reflecting slightly from the warm glow of the fire.

  “What do you think?” John asked.

  I jumped up, giving him a big hug in response. I was always excited to have a chance to try new instruments, and the ukulele was one I knew quite well. Since my favorite instruments were guitar and piano, I often branched out by looking up information on related artists. Quickly taking a seat on the couch, I started tuning the strings I already knew exactly where they were supposed to be: G, C, E, and A, from left to right. Already, I was going through my mental catalog of ukulele songs, yet it only took me a moment to know what song I wanted to try playing first.

  Although the chord layout wasn’t too different from a guitar, I knew it would be best to use the soft pads on my fingertips. The nylon strings wouldn’t be able to handle the stress of my nails. I took a moment to test a few chords, lightly strumming the strings. As I expected, the soft, inviting sound filled my ears–a type of sound I hadn’t heard from any other instrument. Every instrument had its own emotional range; you could play them any way you like, but some felt like they had their own preferences.

  With the positive feeling of the small, happy ukelele, it was all too easy to tell: it knew what it wanted. It wanted happiness, bliss, and relaxation. It wanted calm and cheerful melodies. It wanted the person playing it to express themselves in the way it did, in a way capable of making the ukulele's effect even stronger. As much as I loved the guitar and piano for their large tonal range, it was wonderful to have instruments like the ukulele when I wanted a specific feeling.

  I looked up, noticing John and Emily were gone. I wasn’t sure how long I was lost in my own thoughts, but I could hear them talking in the kitchen in hushed voices. Rather than check in on them, I decided to just start playing. They would come in to join me later. I closed my eyes and started strumming my favorite ukulele song, a blend of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and “What a Wonderful World”.

  My hands worked independently and instinctively as I began to sing along with the music cascading out of the ukulele. As quiet as I was, I never felt nervous about singing. Music always felt like its own separate language to me, a language I felt far more comfortable using. It was a language that didn’t use my voice; it used my hands and my hearts. As I sang along with the tune, I strummed the ukulele, feeling as if I was sitting out on the beach. There was a light breeze with a hint of salt from the bright blue ocean. A palm tree’s long, deep green leaves perched over my head, shading me from the sun’s rays.

  The song brought me through a journey to places I had never been while the smooth, nylon strings were gently strummed under my fingers. Each sound lasted such a small time from the short strings, and yet it only made each note that much more special. It made me feel a way I never had. When I reached the chorus, I heard two more voices join my own. I opened my eyes, noticing John and Emily back in the living room again. I couldn’t help but smile as the three of us sang together, crowded next to the warm fireplace.

  ***

  Several hours had gone by with all three of us sitting together next to the fire. The gentle heat of the flame had only made the time spent exploring the new instrument better, and having John and Emily by my side brought me the happiness of sharing what I loved with my close friends. I played whatever song came to mind, occasionally getting requests from either John or Emily. Between each song, I idly played with the chords, no specific tune in mind…just letting the ukulele take me wherever it desired. Whatever instrument I played, I always felt its connection as I held it, and my newest gift was no different.

  Feeling a gentle pang of hunger in my stomach, I looked up to the clock. It was just after two in the afternoon. I stood, looking at the ukulele for a moment. It really did have a cute design to it. Having played it, I knew I loved it even more than I expected, especially when John and Emily were there with me to listen. Normally I preferred to keep to myself, but when I had the chance to play and sing, having an audience felt right.

  “So, I take it you like it?” Emily asked, a joking tone in her voice.

  I smiled. “I love it. It’s perfect.” I could feel my smile getting a bit sheepish, “but I’m getting really hungry, so I’m going to take a break for lunch.”

  A few minutes later, all three of us were sitting together around the dining table. Emily was a lot more quiet than usual, and John was…well, about as quiet as he normally was. Still, something about him felt off as well. As someone who wasn’t exactly skilled in small talk, the three of us ended up sitting in near perfect silence. They had already finished eating, but both of them continued to sit with me as I finished my own meal. After I took my last bite, I got up from my seat, walking to the sink to wash the dishes.

  “...we need to tell her…” Emily said quietly.

  She must have thought I was out of earshot. There was a long pause, and I heard John leaning back in his chair. I turned the water on in the sink, just enough for them to hear, but quiet enough for me to continue to eavesdrop.

  She repeated herself again, “John, I think we need to tell her about this.”

  John let out a sigh. “I’d rather do this another time.”

  Emily didn’t answer, but I could picture the exact look she was giving John.

  “Emily, it’s her birthday.” John explained. “I don’t want to ruin today for her. We can tell her another time, but today isn’t the right day.”

  “John, you can’t keep this from her forever.” Emily said, a little more sternly. “If not now, when? What if she finds out on her own? What if she decides to leave your property on her own?”

  Rooted to the spot, thoughts and questions started flooding through my mind. Never once had it occurred to me until now, but I had never left our property. Although I had asked to go into town several times, there was always some reason or excuse for why I couldn’t go with him.

  Has he been keeping me from leaving?

  I thought back to all the times I had wanted to leave. There were a few times it had upset me, but often I’d forgotten about it within a few hours. I continued thinking. Every time I had been bothered by not going, John would show up with a new instrument the following day. A new guitar, a new harmonica…now, thinking about it, nearly all of the instruments in my collection had come from those instances. Finally, it clicked: he knew I would be distracted by any new instrument and forget my sadness and frustration. Now I just felt foolish…really foolish…I’d fallen for that distraction time and time again. I hadn’t even realized I was being tricked.

  I turned the faucet off, and instantly, the pair of voices went equally silent. With so much going through my head, I started to feel the knots in my stomach again. I hopped off of the stool, walking over to the entrance and opening the door to look at them both for a moment.

  “I, um…” I started, noticing the awkward silence between them, “I’m going to go back to the tree house, if that’s okay with both of you.”

  John looked down at his hands, rolling his thumbs together. I recognized that tell; he often fidgeted in that way when he was lost in thought.

  “That’s fine, kid.” He said simply.

  I went back into the living room to grab the ukulele, also scooping up my backpack rested against the couch. Before heading out the door, I turned towards the dining room, saying “thanks again for the ukulele!” a bit louder than I normally would speak. Not waiting for a response, I opened the door to the outside, quickly stepping out into the cold and closing the door behind me.

  Only a few steps after I started walking to my treehouse, I let out a sigh of relief. The tension in the house was thick, especially between Emily and John. As much as I didn’t want to stay inside any longer, I did feel a little bad. Maybe it was my fault. Knowing my music player was tucked away into the front pouch of my backpack, I decided to play the ukulele on the walk instead. The clouds had rolled their way into the sky, making the light disappear slowly, and yet, the sound of my ukulele made me feel as if it were a warm, sunny day.

  ***

  “So you’re saying today is the first time you’re playing it?” Ethan asked.

  He and I were in one of my online group chats where I had been playing with my new instrument for the past hour.

  “Mhm, first time…but, I mean, it wasn’t too hard to pick up. It’s basically a small guitar, so I already had a pretty good idea of how it worked.” I answered.

  He was surprised at how well I was playing it, considering I had only owned it for a few hours. When I had practice with instruments similar to a new one, it was usually quite easy for me to learn the newest piece in my collection. When I adapted my current knowledge to something new, it was much more straightforward. After a few days, I would really be able to understand it, but for now, I could play a few simple chords and melodies. That method would help me get by when playing any song I chose.

  Oliver spoke up, “well, you sound really great for your first day. Do you think you’ll be playing it tonight on stream?”

  “I’m not sure…” I admitted, “it’s been a pretty long day, so I think I’ll just play it for myself tonight.”

  “Oh, did something bad happen?” He asked.

  “No, I just…felt kind of off today, I guess. Have a lot on my mind.” I answered, looking towards my reflection in the mirror placed on the wall.

  I knew I was missing something.

  I opened up the internet relay chat on the side, creating a private chat with Oliver. I didn’t want to ask him what I was thinking over the voice call, much less ask in the group. Out of everyone I knew in there, I felt closest to him, so talking to him one-on-one was my best bet.

  “Can I ask you something personal?” I typed in the chat box.

  A moment later, I heard Oliver typing from the other end of the voice call.

  “Sure, what’s up?” He wrote back.

  I didn’t want to sound dumb, so I tried to ask questions leading me to the answer I wanted.

  “Just have a couple of questions I wanted to ask you, and I wasn’t sure how to bring it up” I messaged.

  The response was quick. “What sort of questions?”

  “I was wondering what you looked like”

  “Oh?” Oliver asked.

  “I just realized that we’ve known each other for a long time, and I’ve never seen your face”

  Oliver typed for a moment. “One second”

  I heard him fumbling around in the voice chat. Everyone else was too busy with their own discussion, thinking nothing of the white noise from his end. While Oliver was looking for something, presumably to take a picture, I opened up a browser, typing “ocelot” into the image search. A bunch of pictures of wild-looking jungle cats came up. They looked a bit like a small leopard. My chat window gave a small ‘ping’ as I looked over, seeing a link come through from Oliver’s side.

  “There ya go!”

  I opened the link. As I expected, it was a picture of Oliver, sitting at his computer desk…and, as I feared, his shape was like the other pictures I’d seen earlier. He looked like John, but with some slight variations. Though the sitting position made it hard to tell, Oliver looked shorter and a little softer in the face. His skin appeared to be a few shades darker, but the image quality made it hard for me to be certain. My screen never was good at showing colors, though the luminosity seemed to be okay.

  “So how about you?”

  I gave a slight scowl at my incomplete reasoning. I should have figured he’d ask the same thing in return. As I looked over at the mirror again, I noticed my frown.

  …has he ever seen anyone like me before?

  Figuring it was best to deflect the answer, I started typing my response.

  “I don’t have a picture right now, the camera’s broken on my phone. I can send you one later, okay?”

  “Oh…sure that’s fine by me” Oliver responded.

  “Sooo I had another question for you. How did you get the name “Ocelot” exactly?” I typed out.

  “My screen name? I chose it when I was like eight years old. Had to choose something. My name’s Oliver, so I figured I’d go with something that started with “O”, I guess. It was a long time ago, so I don’t really remember what made me choose it but I’ve just sort of stuck with it since then”

  As I read his explanation, I started questioning all of the different screen names I’d seen over the years. All this time, I’d thought there was some bigger meaning to them, not everyone choosing something at random.

  “One last question” I took a light breath, then continued, “Can you think of any reason why someone wouldn’t be allowed to leave their house?”

  “What, like, being grounded or something?” He asked.

  “No I mean like, just never being allowed to leave”

  I waited for a reply for a minute or two, listening to the voice chat. No typing, and no verbal response. Oliver must have been thinking of a way to reply.

  “Hey guys, I’ve gotta get going, something just came up.” He said, addressing the voice chat.

  Everyone else said their goodbyes, continuing their chat. I nearly yelled out “wait!”, but before I could speak up, he had already left. I sat forward, elbows on the desk, face in my hands. What exactly had I done wrong? Emily reacted poorly when I had asked her questions earlier, too. I needed to stop; I was making everyone uncomfortable, and I wasn’t even getting anywhere, either.

  As I was silently beating myself up, my computer started to ring again. I looked up, noticing a separate voice channel asking me to join. It was Oliver again, but this time, the voice call was one-on-one. I gave a light gulp, hesitantly reaching for my mouse as I moved it to the ‘hang up’ button. This conversation was something I really didn’t want to discuss over voice. Still, while I hovered over the button for a few seconds, I thought about the whole discussion again.

  I won’t get answers if I don’t talk to the people trying to give them…

  Reluctantly, I moved the mouse over to the “answer” button, and clicked. The other voice chat was muted as I answered the new call. Oliver’s voice came through a moment later.

  “Tess? Are you okay? You’re asking some strange questions and it’s making me worried…”

  “Sorry…” I said, “I’ve had some stuff on my mind, and I’ve been trying to figure it out.”

  “A while ago you told me you’ve never traveled before. Did you mean you’ve never left your house?” He asked, quietly yet sincerely.

  I felt like I was being put on the spot. Uncomfortable as I felt, I also trusted my instinct to answer honestly.

  “I have my treehouse, and I’ve gone out into the woods a few times, but, um…” I trailed off, trying to think how far I had strayed from the house in the past.

  One memory came to mind when I was younger. I’d ventured out and saw the main road, but the moment I saw a car drive past, I got scared and came back to the house. The incident was something I never told John, but I had also never gone back there since then.

  “I’ve never been told that I’m not allowed to, but I overheard a conversation earlier that made me feel like there might be some kind of rule against it.”

  “Do you have some kind of illness you’ve never mentioned before?” Oliver asked.

  I turned, looking at myself in the mirror again before giving a soft sigh, “no, I don’t think so…”

  “Tess…look, you’re eighteen years old now,” Oliver reasoned, “and your parents can’t lock you up forever. I may not understand how you’ve gone your whole life without ever seeing anything around you, but that sounds like borderline abuse. You live near Colorado Springs, right?”

  Parents.

  It repeated in my head a few times, swirling around as if my brain was processing it for the first time. I never called John my dad, and I had never seen him as my dad, either, but since I had never met anyone else, it did make sense to call him my parent. I was silent for a short while, mulling it over when Oliver spoke up again.

  “It’s a nice little town. I live in Grand Junction, so I’ve been there a couple of times before. There’s some things to do there, and hey, you’re eighteen now. I think you should go.”

  I looked up at the computer monitor, eyes wide and ears back against my head. “Oh gosh, I couldn’t do that. Not by myself.”

  “If not now, then when?” He asked.

  That question made me look down, thinking silently. Emily had said the exact same thing earlier.

  “If not now, then when…” I repeated.

  I strummed my fingers on the desk, making a light thumping noise with each impact. Oliver was right. At least, I thought he was right.

  How long should I put it off?

  A moment went by before I spoke up again, “so, you think I should just go out there?”

  “Why not?” He asked.

  Merely thinking about going out into the great unknown, all by myself, filled me with a nervous, but curious anxiety…still, Oliver did make a good point.

  “I have an electric scooter that should be able to get me there.” I said.

  I hadn’t used that scooter in quite a long time after I had been given it a few years ago, but it was still sitting in the garage. Surely it hadn’t moved since this morning when I’d last seen it.

  “You still have my number, right?” Oliver asked.

  “Yeah, I have it saved on my phone.”

  “Good.” He answered, “if you need anything, just give me a call.”

  Just thinking about attempting this was making me shake from fear, but deep down, I knew it was good for me to experience more of the world. I wanted to go, I wanted to see more of what was outside of my small bubble of life. As much as there might have been some scary things out there, I had also seen some beautiful photos of the world online. The only way to truly know what I was missing out there was to go and explore.

  “This is probably the craziest thing I’ve ever done…” I muttered under my breath.

  Oliver still heard me, “and that’s why you need to get out more often.”

  ***

  The sun had finally disappeared under the horizon as I returned to the house. Although the snowfall had started to get heavier, I managed to catch a glance through the window into the living room. John was on his laptop. He didn’t use his computer too often, and from what I could tell, he was looking up news articles. Emily’s car was now gone, meaning she was probably back at her own home. All I needed to do was sneak out with the scooter, and John would be none the wiser.

  I knew what I was doing was wrong, in the sense of not letting John know where I was going, but it also felt as if I was going on an adventure–my first real adventure. As it was the only logical music to take, I had brought my “adventure” music player from my treehouse. As I poked my head into the garage, I found my scooter leaning on the wall, waiting for me. Quietly pulling it off the cold stone brace, I brought it outside, shutting the door behind me as quietly as I could. The snow crunched softly underneath my feet while I started to walk away from the house. Before I left, I looked back at John, seeing him still on his laptop.

  I reached down to turn my scooter on, then stopped. It had been so long since I’d used it, I’d forgotten about the lights on the front of the scooter. Not wanting John to see me leave, I put my headphones on and started pushing. The tires on my scooter were made for dirt roads, making our long driveway easy to navigate. After a minute of riding, I took one last look at the house before it disappeared from my sight. The falling snow made it hard to be sure, but everything appeared to be fine.

  After I pushed myself a little farther, I turned the scooter on and let the motor take over for me. It rode exactly as I remembered. Only a few more minutes of riding went by before I reached the main road: empty, but not surprising, considering it was snowing pretty hard now. Thankfully, my scooter was handling the inch of snow on the ground with no difficulty. I stopped, looking out at the empty road. This spot was the furthest I had ever gone away from the house, and now I was about to break that record and go into unknown territory. My stomach turned, making me second guess what I was doing.

  You can do this, Tess.

  I pulled out my music player, turning the first playlist on as the melodies flooded into my ears. I had looked up the directions to Colorado Springs earlier; it seemed pretty easy to get there. With just over twenty miles to go, songs pumping in my head, and my phone charged, it shouldn’t be too hard to find my way, or double check directions if I got lost. With a surge of confidence in my heart, I throttled up the scooter and started my trip into town.