I sit on the cold stone. My feet dangle in the air. A hundred feet below me is a courtyard with a beautiful garden. I think it belongs to the Royal family. Since discovering this place three weeks ago, I have never seen anybody use it. Just the gardeners working slowly and steadily on their tasks.

  Crenellation; that’s what they call the structure at the top of a medieval tower. The thing that looks a little like stone teeth. The teeth parts are called merlons and the gaps are called embrasures. I’m sitting in one of those.

  Truthfully, I’m hiding. Not that you can hide from a Curse. Nor can you separate one part of a Curse from another. Not any more than you can separate the face of a coin from the obverse.

  Nor can you believe everything you read. The face of a coin is the obverse. The back of the coin is called the reverse. Vocabulary lesson done for today. Tick the box.

  So my Curse has two parts. The obverse is about pain. If I kiss a girl in such a way as to give her pleasure, my pain will fade. That’s the only thing that will make it go away.

  The reverse is also about pain. Emotional pain. Not for me. I no longer feel emotion in my relationships with women. That’s the Curse. But that doesn’t stop the women I kiss from feeling emotion. And people have a lot of trouble differentiating between romantic attraction and sexual attraction. If there even is a difference.

  And that leads to pain. I don’t want my partners to experience pain because of me. And they do. It doesn’t matter what we say at the beginning of a relationship. It doesn’t matter how earnest I am when I tell them that I can’t love them and how honestly they declare that they likewise will not fall in love.

  They do anyway. And that leads to pain. Along with other associated difficulties. Which is why I spend a lot of my time hiding.

  And being jealous of Nix. That guy has a steadily growing fan club of the most beautiful women in the Palace. That doesn’t even include his growing fan club of hot elven ladies. And he’s completely oblivious. Sooner or later, he’ll get switched on. And he’s so darn lovable that the women will probably agree to share. Which will put him in the position of having his cake and eating mine, too. I call foul.

  “Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!” I exclaim to myself as I make a run for it. “Why is fire so damn hot?!?”

  We’d been running a field exercise. One small army unit against another. I’d been in charge of fire support, as usual. Things were going great at the beginning. No big gains, but we managed some small strategic advantages.

  But as the sergeant says, things will go great until they don’t. We got caught flat-footed this time. Our scouts missed a whole platoon of enemy fire support. And they’re pasting us big time.

  Hence my observation. Fire is hot. Uncomfortably so. Thank the Gods this is an exercise or it would be deathly so.

  I don’t want to play any more. Can I go home?

  “Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!” I wheeze out between bouts of laughter. “That is just so funny! Look at her run!”

  “You shouldn’t be taking enjoyment from other people’s misery,” pontificates Great Hero Tia. I would normally agree with her except right now she’s rolling around on the ground at my feet laughing her ass off.

  “She got cocky this time, sure enough,” says Commander Travess. “Maybe we should do something to help her out?”

  “Sorry Sir,” I come to attention and shout out in my best parade ground voice. “She’s on the other team. If I helped her out it could be considered treason, Sir.”

  “Hmmm. Your reasoning is sound. However, perhaps you could spare a bit of compassion in this case and at least lessen the fire damage to her squad mates.”

  “As you command, Sir.” I raised my hands and activated my Sigil, casting a fire warding spell across the whole battlefield. The exercise was almost over anyway. Surprisingly, the Great Saint Bethany has been able to reestablish some control over her troops and they’re retreating in good order.

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  Still can’t stop myself from snickering, though. Oh boy are we gonna give her a good ribbing tonight. “Maybe she needs a new nickname?: I ask Tia.

  “Firefoot?” she suggests.

  “The Great Saint Candella?” offers the Commander.

  “Ghost Runner? Nah, that might be too obscure,” I put in. “We’ll think of something. Keep brainstorming.”

  “Spirit beasts are not as smart as people. At least not usually. That doesn’t make them easier to fight, though. Why not?”

  I debate possible responses. If I’m too clever, Master will punish me. If I’m too stupid, Master will punish me. If I’m wrong, Master will punish me. If I’m a smartass, Master will punish me. Only if I’m right does the possibility exist that Master won’t punish me. It’s a slim chance but worth a shot. If I know the right response. Which I don’t. I opt for ignorance. “Because they are strong, Master?”

  “No! You dolt! Do twenty-seven handstand push-ups.”

  “Yes Master!” I shout. Handstand push-ups suck. I hafta go down until my face is in the dirt or they don’t count. With a silent sigh, I start kissing dirt. “One, two, …”

  “Now, where was I? Spirit beasts will attack you with a ferocity that humans won’t. Because they don’t think about the consequences. They won’t imagine themselves being hurt or slow themselves down with needless strategizing. Nor will they make mistakes. They’ll go for the throat and show no mercy.”

  “Nineteen. Now I understand, Master! Twenty, twenty-one …”

  “So keep that in mind when you’re in a Hex or a Dungeon. Strike hard and strike fast but keep control of the battlefield.”

  “Twenty-seven. And with humans, Master?” I already know the answer, but I ask because clearly he’s in the mood for speechifyin’.

  “When you’re fighting a human, give them plenty of time to think. Attack often but use feints twice as much as real blows. It won’t take long for your average human opponent to make a mistake. Then take ‘em out! Why aren’t you doing push-ups?”

  “I had reached the number assigned, Master.”

  “But then you asked a stupid question. I.e. a question you already knew the answer to. You should have punished yourself for that.”

  “Sorry Master.”

  “Yes. Yes you are. Do better. Better yet, grab your hammer. Let’s spar.”

  Crap! Like I don’t have enough bruises already.

  “Um, Rio?” asks Nix to get my attention.

  “Yeah, what?”

  “Have you noticed any changes lately? Like, since we got back from the last Trial?”

  “Not really.”

  “Didn’t the Goddess say that we’d get some gifts?”

  “Oh. Yeah. You’re right. I know Kari and Addie got weapons as gifts. Saki got something, too, but I don’t know what. Penny knows.”

  “But you didn’t get anything?”

  “Nope. Not yet, anyway.”

  “And no changes? Like, to your body?”

  “What are you really trying to ask me, Nix?”

  “Um … I don’t know how to say this. Before the Trial, I was … average.”

  “By which you mean? Your height? Your weight? Your ability to act like a moron?”

  “No, no, no. I mean my … er … my package. It was average.”

  “Your package. Do you mean your …”

  “My willie. My little brother. My schwanz. It was quite modest in size.”

  “Okay. And you are telling me this because?”

  “Now it’s not. It’s not modest in size any more. In fact, I’d have to say that it’s … immodest. To an almost extreme degree.”

  “I don’t know what to say. Perhaps you should consider a prayer of thanks? That is no small gift for the Gods to give a man. Pun intended.”

  “I’m just worried that I could hurt somebody.”

  “Anyone in particular? Do you have a date coming up or something?”

  “Well, not really. I just worry.”

  “Nix, Nix, Nix. What a worry to have. How about you just wait until it happens and collect feedback at that time. Maybe you … er … she … will be pleasantly surprised.”

  At that point the door bursts open and Kari rushes in. “I wanna see!” she shouts.

  “Kari, what are you doing …”

  “I wanna see. This immodest ambiguous thing you’re talking about. I wanna see!”

  “Were you eavesdropping? That’s so rude!”

  “Eh, it’s what I do when I’m bored. Lemme see, Nix!” She starts reaching for his belt buckle.

  “No! Hell no! Get away from me. Addie! Help! Anybody! Somebody! Help!” Nix shouts as he runs out the door with Kari in hot pursuit.

  “Hunh,” I say to myself as an exasperated Addie pops out of her room and rolls down the hallway after them while Tara sticks her head in the door to ask what’s happening. “Never a dull moment to be had around here.”