A new menu appeared in my vision:
TELEPORTATION MENU
Available Destinations:
[Floor 1 - The Red Margin] - Cost: 10 gold
[Floor 2 - Hallow Kingdom] - Current Location
[Floor 3 - Iron Ravine] - Cost: 20 gold
Twenty gold to reach the third floor.
I needed a job.
I started searching.
The main room had a bunch of tunnels branching off in different directions. Some were lit up, some weren't. I picked one that looked like it got some traffic and headed down.
The tunnel went downhill. The stone walls were all smooth and worn down from years of people brushing past them. There were lamps hanging every few feet giving off this warm glow.
Maybe fifty feet in, I hit another room. Smaller than the last one. This one actually had rooms built into it—wooden walls, real doors. People actually lived here instead of just passing through.
Most of the doors were shut. But there was one about halfway down that was cracked open a bit. Light spilling out. I could hear someone talking inside.
A woman. She was talking to someone, but not someone in the room with her. Like she was on a call or something.
I crept closer, trying to keep my footsteps quiet.
Through the gap in the door, I spotted her.
She was sitting at a desk absolutely buried in papers. Stacks of them everywhere. Some organized, most not. A lamp was burning in the corner. She had one hand pressed to her head, holding something small and flat.
A phone. She had a phone.
Not like the ones from Earth. This thing was smaller, flatter, made out of something that looked like polished black stone. It had this faint blue glow around the edges that pulsed while she talked.
"—I get that," she was saying, sounding professional but like she was about two seconds from losing it. "But the shipment was supposed to show up yesterday. Yeah. Yesterday. That's what the contract said."
Pause. Her other hand was tapping on the desk like crazy.
"I don't give a damn what happened in the warehouse district," she went on. "That's not my problem. That's your problem. My problem is I've got twelve people sitting around waiting for gear that should've been here already."
She looked human, or close enough. Dark hair pulled back in a messy bun, sharp features, eyes all narrowed. She was wearing practical stuff—dark shirt, vest with a ton of pockets, sleeves rolled up.
"I didn't know those worked down here."
"Guess they do," Mira said.
The woman kept going, getting louder now. "No. No. Listen. I paid upfront. Full price. Which means you deliver on time, or you give me my gold back. Those are your options. Pick one."
Another pause. Longer this time.
Then: "Good. I want it here by sunset tomorrow. Not the next day. Tomorrow. If you're late again, we're done. For good."
She yanked the thing away from her head and pressed something on it. The blue glow died. She slammed it down on the desk, grabbed a piece of paper, and stared at it like it had personally offended her.
I knocked on the doorframe.
Her head snapped up. Her hand went straight for a weapon. She went from 'stressed office worker' to 'ready to throw down' in like half a second.
Then she actually looked at me. Saw the pink sash. Saw Kitten Cowboy in my arms with one tiny paw on his revolver. Saw the hare by my leg and Mira chilling on my shoulder.
Her expression cycled through a bunch of things real fast—surprise, confusion, recognition, and then landed on 'mildly annoyed.'
"You're the chest guy," she said.
"That's me," I said.
She just stared at me for a second, then put the paper down with this heavy sigh.
"What do you want?" she asked. Not mean, just tired.
"Work," I said. "I need a job. Something that pays."
She stared at me. Then she let out this short, sharp laugh. Could've been genuine amusement, could've been her sanity cracking a little.
"Fine," she said. "Whatever. You want work? I've got work."
She opened a drawer, rummaged around, and pulled out a single sheet of paper. Looked at it for a second, then held it out without getting up.
I walked over and grabbed it.
The paper had neat handwriting all over it. A job listing. Clean, professional. Someone who'd done this a million times.
I read it.
Then I read it again because I figured I must've gotten it wrong the first time.
"This is insurance fraud," I said.
"It's a retrieval job," she said, not even looking up as she grabbed another paper. "The client wants an artifact taken out of his shop. What he does with the insurance claim after that is his business."
"This is definitely insurance fraud."
"Probably," she said, finally looking at me with an expression that made it clear she could not care less. "You want the job or not?"
I looked at the paper again.
Pretty straightforward, actually. There's this merchant in the upper district—Aldric Voss—who runs a shop selling magical artifacts. Legit business, proper permits, the whole deal. He bought this item at auction: some crystal sphere that's supposed to boost your magic or whatever. Rare. Expensive. Insured for a ton of gold.
Problem is, the sphere's cursed. Not like dangerous-cursed, just cursed enough that it's basically worthless. Nobody's gonna buy it once they know what it actually does. Aldric can't return it. Can't sell it. Can't get his money back.
But his insurance covers theft.
So he wants someone to steal it. Break into his shop, grab the sphere, make it look legit. He files the claim, gets way more than he paid for it, and everyone's happy.
Well, everyone except the insurance company.
"How much does this pay?" I asked.
"Hundred gold," she said. "You take the artifact to a specific spot—address is on page two. You don't keep it. You don't try to flip it. You just grab it from the shop and drop it where I tell you."
"What's the catch?"
"The catch," she said, "is it's gotta look real. Break a window. Trip an alarm. Leave evidence of a break-in. The insurance people need to think it's a real theft, not staged. If they smell fraud, the whole thing falls apart and you don't get paid."
If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
"What if I get caught?"
"You won't," she said. "Aldric's gonna be out during the 'robbery.' Shop's gonna be empty. No guards, no witnesses. He's making this as stupid-easy as possible because he actually wants it to work."
I looked at the paper again. Hundred gold was good money.
The woman was watching me now, tapping her pen on the desk. Waiting.
"When's he want this done?" I asked.
"This night," she said. "After dark. Exact time's on the paper."
"And the artifact—what's the curse do?"
She shrugged.
"Fantastic," I said.
"So?" She put her pen down and looked right at me. "You taking the job or not?"
"Yeah," I said. "I'll take it."
She nodded once, like she'd figured I would. Pulled out another paper—a contract—and slid it across the desk with the pen.
"Sign here," she said, pointing at a line at the bottom. "Standard deal. You steal the sphere, drop it off, get paid. You don't talk about the job. You don't come back whining for more money if something goes sideways. Got it?"
"Got it," I said, then paused, looking at the paper more carefully. "Wait. This says two thousand gold."
She glanced up, expression flat. "Yeah. That's what Aldric's givi it for."
"So why am I only getting a hundred?"
"Because you're new," she said simply. "And this is your first job. A hundred gold is more than fair for someone with zero track record. You want the premium rates, build a reputation first. This is enough."
I signed.
She grabbed the paper back, checked my signature.
"Good luck," she said, already grabbing another paper and diving back into her endless pile of work. "Don't screw this up. Aldric's a good client and I'd like to keep him that way."
"I'll try my best," I said.
I left.
"SO," THE HARE SAID, VOICE RISING. "WE'RE DOING THIEVERY NOW?"
"Looks like it," I said.
Kitten Cowboy adjusted his tiny hat and went, "Pew," which I'm pretty sure meant he was totally cool with whatever crimes we were about to commit.
I looked at the paper again. The address. The time. The instructions about making it look real.
"Alright," I said. "We've got approximatly a day to figure out how to break into a shop, steal a cursed artifact, and make it look like an actual robbery."
"THIS IS GONNA GO SO BADLY," the hare said.
"Naaah, we got this," I said.
The hare's ears drooped. "OKAY."
We headed back through the tunnel toward the main room. My brain was already churning through ideas.
This was either gonna work perfectly or blow up in our faces spectacularly.
Given my track record, I was betting on the second one.
But I really, really needed the money.
The paper had two things on it. First, coordinates for the shop's location — which was nice since I had zero clue how to get around this city. Second, where to drop off the sphere after I stole it. That part also had coordinates.
But seeing those coordinates gave me an idea.
"Hey," I said, stopping in the middle of the tunnel. Mira looked up from my shoulder.
"Map," I said.
The System popped up immediately.
A screen appeared right in front of me, floating at chest height. I figured I'd get maybe a crappy sketch with some lines and street names. Instead, I got this whole bird's-eye view of Hollow Kingdom, done up in clean blues and whites. I could see streets. Districts. The spaces in between.
All the important spots were marked.
Not everything but the stuff that actually mattered. Little icons and boxes grouped by area. The Registration Office. The Government Quarter. Something called Merchant Row. A few places with symbols I didn't recognize.
"We're the dot," I said.
There was this little blinking dot on the map. That was us.
I spent a second figuring out the layout. The underground had a few connections to the city above — tunnel exits that came out on the streets. Three of them, from what I could see. One popped out near the market district, one near a spot just labeled Crossroads, and one behind what looked like a bunch of houses.
Okay. Cool.
Then I looked at the paper again. Read the coordinates.
I looked back at the System map and said, "Enter coordinates."
A little text box showed up at the edge of the screen. I typed in the numbers — or whatever you'd call typing in a magical floating interface — and hit confirm.
The map shifted. Zoomed in a bit.
A new marker popped up. Gold-colored. A little X, sitting smack in the middle of a street in the Upper District.
Right next to it, on the same zoom level, was a cluster of merchant buildings labeled Upper Market Row.
I stared at it for a second.
"That's where the shop is," I said, pointing at the X. "Aldric's shop. Upper District. Merchant area."
I looked at the route. The Upper District was on the total opposite side of the city from the market tunnel exit — I'd have to hike through like half of Hollow Kingdom to get there. The Crossroads exit looked closer.
I closed the map and folded the paper back up.
"Alright," I said. "Here's the thing."
"OH NO," the hare said.
"It's not a bad thing."
"IT'S ALWAYS A BAD THING WHEN YOU SAY 'HERE'S THE THING.'"
"We've got until tonight," I said, ignoring him. "That's about..." I looked around the tunnel. The dim underground lighting told me absolutely nothing about what time it actually was. "I have no idea what time it is. How long's a 'day' down here anyway?"
"Hollow Kingdom runs on a standard Hell cycle," Mira said. "Twenty-hour day. The light changes for about six of those hours to look like twilight. You got here in the middle of it. So you've got maybe eight or nine hours until dark."
Eight hours. I could work with that.
"Before we do anything," I said, "I wanna go check it out first. Just walk around. See what it's like. Figure out exactly where the shop is, what the street looks like, where the exits are, if anyone's keeping an eye on it. Stuff like that."
"Reconnaissance," Mira said.
"I was gonna say 'scoping it out' because that sounds way less like I know what I'm doing, but sure."
"Smart move," she said. "Go in blind and you're just guessing. Go in with info and you're making better guesses."
"Exactly."
"BOTH OPTIONS SOUND EQUALLY TERRIFYING," the hare said.
Before we headed out, though, I stopped.
Because it wasn't just about figuring out the route. It was about what I actually had on me.
I had a job to do tonight. Which meant I needed to think about what I was carrying and whether any of it would be useful.
I opened my inventory.
INVENTORY
Consumables:
-
Crystal of Stored Light — Creates bright light when crushed.
-
Spectral Lantern — One-time use. Protective barrier of light. Repels hostile entities for 30 seconds.
-
Exploding Rubber Duck — 3 seconds of quacking, then soap bubble detonation. Disorients enemies within 5 meters.
Equipment (Stored):
-
Webbed Glove (Right Hand) — +30% swimming speed, water manipulation.
Materials:
-
Spectral Thread — Can repair damaged equipment.
-
Vial of Bone Dust — Crafting material.
-
Fragment of Ruined Memory (Rare) — Advanced crafting material.
-
Titan Core Fragment — Glowing orange crystal, pulsing with energy.
Tools:
-
Ancient Compass — Points toward nearest unexplored area.
-
Curator's Personnel Ledger — Identity records.
Special Items:
-
Dragon's Bouncy Spirit (Legendary) — Once per day. Inflatable dragon with googly eyes. Enemy distraction.
-
Kevin's Employee Badge (Unique)
-
Golden Birthday Coin
I stared at the list for like fifteen seconds.
"Okay," I said.
"What?" Mira asked.
"I'm looking at my stuff trying to figure out what's useful for robbing a shop. And the answer is basically nothing."
"What were you expecting to have?"
"I don't know. Lock picks? Rope? Normal thief stuff?"
I went through everything in my head.
The Crystal of Stored Light? Good if I need to see stuff, bad if I need to hide. It just explodes into brightness. Can't exactly dim it.
The Spectral Lantern? Thirty seconds of protection from scary magical stuff. If an alarm goes off and something shows up, this buys me time to run. Otherwise? Pretty useless tonight.
The Exploding Rubber Duck? Three seconds of quacking and then soap bubble madness. Either completely useless or the best thing I own. No idea which.
The Ancient Compass? Points to the nearest place I haven't been. In a city this size, it'll probably just spin around pointing at every building. Not helpful.
The Dragon's Bouncy Spirit? Inflatable dragon with googly eyes that makes deflating noises. Once per day. Makes a distraction.
I stopped there.
"Actually," I said, "the dragon might actually work."
"For breaking into a shop?" Mira said.
"For a distraction. If there's a guard or an alarm or whatever, we set off the dragon somewhere else and it pulls everyone's attention away."
Mira tilted her head, thinking. "That could work. What if it pulls attention toward us instead?"
"Then we run really fast and hope the dragon keeps bouncing."
I kept thinking.
"Alright," I said, closing the inventory. "The gear is what it is. I don’t have any gold anyway. We should probably go see the place in person."
We came up from the tunnels through some stone steps built into a side street wall. No sign. No door. Just an opening with a wooden railing and the smell of fresh air — or what passed for fresh air down here. Smelled like city: food cooking, crowds, and somebody yelling about a cart.
We stepped into daylight.
Well, kind of. Hollow Kingdom's light had changed since this morning — warmer now, more golden, like late afternoon. The city moved around us like it always did, busy and messy and not caring about us at all.
The Crossroads was exactly what it sounded like. Five streets met at an open plaza. Crowded enough that stopping in the middle would get you trampled. Merchants everywhere. People walking around. Some people riding animals that looked like horses mixed with lizards.
I pulled out the map.
"Upper District is that way," Mira said, pointing before I even found it on the map.
"You memorized the whole thing."
"It's a small map. Zoomed in."
We went that way.
The Upper District changed as we walked. Buildings got taller. Streets got cleaner. Everything looked more organized and less like someone just threw it together. The shops had glass windows with actual displays instead of stuff piled out front. The signs were painted, not carved.
"This is the rich part of town," I said.
"Yes," Mira said.
"Which means this is where the good shops to rob are."
"Probably."
"Great," I said, rubbing my hands together like a fly.
We found the street.
Aldric Voss's shop was called The Arcane Repository, according to the polished sign over the door. It sat in the middle of the block between a fabric shop and a law office. Three stories tall. Stone front. Two big windows on the ground floor with iron bars over them. One heavy wooden door with brass stuff on it.
I stood across the street and stared.
"Well," I said.
"The windows have bars," Mira said.
"I noticed."
"So what's the plan?"
I kept looking at the building. The iron bars were decorative — not super thick, but solid enough that they weren't moving without tools. The door was the real way in.
But the door was obvious. In a robbery, obvious stuff points at the door, which was actually fine because Aldric wanted obvious stuff.