{-Rennyn-}

  There were plenty of things he didn’t realize until later, when he had the power of hindsight and the curse of dozens of memories unable to leave him. Dhymos… collected things. And that was something that he never really understood—never really pieced together, because he didn’t think it would ever be important. After all, they couldn’t keep anything between lives. Certainly Dhymos was different, since he created all of it, but wouldn’t that also mean he’d have nearly everything he could possibly need? It didn’t make sense.

  That is, at least, until Kaylin sat down next to him, and the two of them started talking about it.

  “Just like he’s created this cycle in order to build his power, he needs to find some things that would help him,” she explained, quietly. She’d taken the opportunity to continue patching up his jacket. She had been surprisingly successful at getting the bloodstains out. He still felt like he should apologize for even letting it get bloody, though.

  That shouldn’t have happened.

  And worse, he couldn’t guarantee that it wouldn’t happen again.

  “And that’s what Kharis and Ether were asking about?” He needed to ask questions; it gave him something to ground him in the conversation, keep him paying enough attention not to fall into his own memories. He was barely clawing through it as it was, lost in his thoughts the moment it got quiet or he was alone. But he couldn’t leave her in silence again. She’d gone through too much for that.

  “I don’t exactly remember if it was really one of them, but it was definitely close. It’s… much better to be safe than sorry. I don’t want anything to happen to them while they’re out, but they’re the only option we have right now…”

  He thought of old allies, those that he felt he could trust with anything, except the ability to stay alive. Anyone around him tended to die. But that was just what happens, when Dhymos finds a weakness. Still, even if he couldn’t manage a smile, he mumbled, “They’ll be fine.”

  “I never said that they wouldn’t. It’s… probably better anyway. They would’ve felt bad if they weren’t allowed to help with anything. And it… gives us some time to talk.”

  “Like about how you figured out everything you just told me? Because I know for a fact that wasn’t anything we learned together. You had to have learned that on your own.”

  “Not… on my own, exactly.” She sat the coat and needle aside, but she didn’t seem any more relaxed.

  He eased himself up, trying to ignore every part of him that tried to protest. He’d rather be in a more sitting position than lying down. Made him feel… less fragile, maybe. Even if there were plenty of signs that made him nearly agree with that. “You don’t have to be nervous. Just tell me what it was.”

  “I think I’ve mentioned it before, but… I wasn’t just gone all the times that I wasn’t with you. I had my own mission. One that I knew would help you, even if I didn’t know exactly how yet. One I… actually dared to think might keep you from getting hurt. But that never really worked, did it..? I… don’t know how much I can say. In one way or another, Dhymos knows when we learn too much. It might be too big of a risk.”

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  “And just you knowing isn’t enough of a risk to him?”

  “He knows that… when it comes down to it, I won’t say anything. I’ve been trying my best not to. But there’s some things I can’t avoid, and I’m going to have to acknowledge that.”

  He tried to shrug, but the gesture came out weak. “So don’t tell me. Yet. Tell all of us. I don’t think we’re going to be protecting them any more or less by sharing what we all know.”

  “I… thought you would’ve been against getting them involved.”

  “Let’s be honest here. It’s only because Dhymos promised Allyna that I wouldn’t get killed that I’m still alive. I know for a fact that Viragi could have done much worse, with hardly much more effort. And the others… of course I don’t want them to get hurt.” He shook his head, trying to clear away the bad memories. He couldn’t let them control him right now. “But if Dhymos wanted to do something, he could do it at any moment anyway. He doesn’t need some excuse. He probably had about a dozen opportunities before this. He’ll probably have twice as many later. They’re already in danger. We’re not saving them from anything. We never have been. And I’m pretty sure they were all aware of what they were signing themselves up for the moment we met them.”

  She was quiet for a little while. “I guess a part of me wanted you to disagree—to say there’s some things that they don’t need to know. It… would’ve made it a little better, I think, to know that there was a reason for it.”

  “There was a reason. We were scared. But that’s not going to get us anywhere. They’re smart enough they’re going to try to figure it out on their own eventually anyway. We might as well be the ones to guide them, to try to limit how much they get hurt.”

  “You… you’re right. But, if you’re willing to answer… Where is all of this coming from..? I’ve never really known you to be willing to do something that you know will put others at risk. Especially not when it comes to something from the other lives.”

  “It’s been right in front of us this whole time, hasn’t it? Maybe all it took was to be beaten up and spend a couple of days in my head in order to realize that.”

  “That’s something we need to talk about, too,” she mumbled. “We can’t have something like that happening again. I know you were caught off guard, but…”

  He shook his head. “It was more than just being ‘off guard.’ But I…” The thought brought back flashes of memories, of likely-false reasons in order to keep this all to himself. “I don’t want to talk about it right now. There’s still some stuff I want to work out on my own.”

  He knew what it sounded like. The way she looked up at him proved that she felt the same way—that he was just making excuses. Maybe he was. But he didn’t feel like he could approach this honestly, either. At least, not yet. Not until he was able to sort out the thoughts in his head, to make enough sense of them that he’d be capable of sharing them all aloud. Until then—however much of a stretch it was—he hoped that she would just trust him.

  And with the way she turned her attention back to the ground and said nothing, he was pretty sure that she would.

  “I… Would you rather we wait for the others? So I can tell everyone at once?” she prompted instead. “You know more than they do, so I don’t have to explain as much, but if I told everyone, then it would only have to be once. Though I’m… not really sure what I’m going to tell them. There’s so many gaps to them—those that we’ve failed to fill, or that we’ve purposely left empty…”

  “I get the feeling that you’re going to want to get a couple of test runs in. You can run through some of the options with me, alright? I’ll let you know which one I think might be better, and we can come up with an even better one together. Just don’t let me get distracted or doze off. I’ve been trying my best to fight it, but when we’re pretty much only going to be talking about the other lives, I’m pretty sure it’s about to get harder…”

  She almost seemed to gain a bit more confidence by the suggestion. “Alright. And… thank you.”