“DAVID, ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?!”
Woah, what the fuck? Why am I getting a pat-down? No idea. What DOES pop in my head, though…
“Honeey, we’re in publiiic~~!”
“Aw, you FUCKING jerk-off!!”
*Slap*
[Critical Hit — (-2)]
“Owwwwwaaah! I think you just broke my spine.” I say in complete and utter devastation.
“Say thanks that I didn’t getcho ass a proper pounding!”
“*Gasp!* Emiliooooo… I’m not some fuck-on-the-first-date type shi'! I need something more, a dinner, a present!”
“What I’ll give you is a black eye!” He roared, but honestly, it didn’t have any effect whatsoever.
So yeah, I guess it’s time for THE ICEBREAKER to push on with this topic
“Promises, promises. Start by giving me FLOWERS first, and then I’ll take you seriously. OOH, make sure they’re sunflowers! Love me a good summer palette.
“Oh my God, David, STAAAAWP!!”
“What a coincidence; that’s also what my brain is saying to my heart!”
“David, I swear to CHRIST, if you don’t stop right now, I will carry you bridal-style and tenderize you like a cutlet.”
My mouth just drops to the floor. There is no way in hell that I’ll ever beat that…
I smile and I start searching behind Milo. Realizing what he did and what I’m currently doing, he threw his back as well.
Lo and behold, there she was, She-Who-Fucks up the mood, looking VERY exasperated! “Love, what the fuck…?”
“RAY—!“ Started her personal white knight.
But he was a nanosecond of a nanosecond too late! She already pulled her hands to her face and started the waterworks… Oh, and she also ran off.
“Wait. No. Stop...” Did I get my minimal shits quota?
Unfortunately, Milo always loved to give it his all, so he went after her.
Hold up…
They’re not heading towards the exit, right?
Motherclucker…
“No, nooo, stop iiiit…” Said the hellspawn with as much conviction of a road-kill…
Mola finally manages to catch and wrap his arms behind her and places his chin on her shoulder. “I’m so sorry, love… I just got… You know I only mean it with you!”
“Go back to your boyfriend…” she muttered. “Since he takes so much better care of you…”
In retort, Milo proceeded to give her the sloppiest and LOUDEST kisses known to man! Maybe my Dexterity played a hand in it, but I swear on everything that’s holy, he KNOWS what he’s doing!
“Mmm—staaawp… mm—snrk, *hic*…”
She took off her glasses to wipe away the crocodile tears and cupped his cheek. “Don’t ever do that shit ever again.”
“I was LITERALLY gonna say the same thing.” This soap opera does NOT do it for me, so let’s change the channel, folks.
“Ughhhh…!!” What a weird way to say 'Hi.' “Did you just watch us without saying anything?"
“Yeah, but don’t you worry, I was asleep through most of it,” I say. “And here I was, ready to body-block you and M from a mob of Mobs.”
Beerus’s eyes do a full orbital. “If by ‘you’, you mean our dead classmates…”
…
The road to hell is paved with good intentions, ey? Serves me right for trying to be nice to FUCKING SATAN!!!
*BAM-BAM-BAM!!*
Looks like some other people got here before us and looked… stuck? Kinda like me when I tried these things called doors, but then they failed at doing their one purpose.
“Oh hey,” Started Milo. “If you wanna leave, you need to—”
“STAY here for a quick second, unless you wanna get drilled by furries.” I say, in the most casual and natural tone I can, so that these nice folks don’t get scared.
“What the actual fuck.” Oh great, looks like M caught on. The ICEBREAKER can and SHOULD be of many boats!
“Sooooo… I kinda did some reflection on the roof, and it looks like I accidentally threw the butt of a cig in… a Were-Mole with drills…"
All the kids by the doors and within earshot do that slow-owl turn at me. You do 99 right things, but all they’ll see is the only wrong one.
Nonetheless, I throw my hands up. “Yes, yes, I’m a retard and I should kill myself. Don’t worry, that’s next on the agenda.”
“What the hell does THAT mean?!” Screamed Milo, as my shitty way of tying words caused worry.
“Oh, no need to worry, brohimian rapsody. I’m just gonna do a little purging!” I say as I point at the doors. That makes M CONSIDERABLY more laid back, as he closed his eyes and opened his mouth. He may be enjoying himself a lil’ too much.
“Look, as much as I appreciate you going light-years for me, I CANNOT let you get hurt like that, M! Not cause of my fuck-up!”
“…Huh?”
“And what’s that, Ray? You wanna take my place and sacrifice yourself in my place?”
“…”
“No worries, I gotchu' covered."
Big words for a guy like me, though. Not sure if running circles will screw their heads off, so I need a better plan.
Something new, something... never before seen.
[New Skill aquired]
Thank you, Deus Ex Skillica!
Is it something that attracts all Undead on me? Is it the power to turn all constructs into Servitors? Ooh, can I possess people? Maybe I can Raise the dead tissue on me and use it as both a loyal minion AND armor?
No, nope, niet and as cool and metal the last option was, it was not meant to be…
Instead, I got something arguably better…
What.
In the Name.
Of all.
That is Mossad.
Should I shiver in me timbers now that I have confirmation of the existence of hell?
Should I be a little MIFFED at how this Skill could’ve paid in FUCKING dividends ten minutes ago?
Man, dis sum’ bu’shit!
“Don’t hate the player, hate the fucking game, holy guacamoly…”
“What was that?” Asked Sarah. Where THE FUCK did she come from?
“Something REALLY freaking cool.” I say giddly, because it genuinely sounded like a game-changer.
Alright, how do I—
[Torx, of the Shattered Crown]
[Vex, Lead of the Ghostly Choir]
[Baelith, the Rot-Tender]
[Salith, the Pall-Bearer]
[…]
Holy shit, at first glance, it looked like there were dozens of great choices.
I repeat, on first glance
Scrolling to the bottom, there seemed to be, like… a little more over a dozen of choices…
If the Necromancer and its half-breeds share this pool of Chosen, then how the heck would THAT work? Will me and my future Necromancer buds just try to flex our powers, only to realize we have six copies of the thing that made us special?
WHAT a copout!! Who knew that otherworldly, self-updating AI Systems cut corners as well?
Alright, let’s see, who’s first on the chopping block? Eeny, meeny, miny, moo!
Uhhh…
I… don’t really know how to feel about Monsieur Monopoly Guy over here.
On one hand, the classy, high-spender and money-making stuff was really enticing! Shieee, maybe he even had a french accent too!
But on the other hand, every attack is making my wallet lighter… Plus, gold has to do something, somewhere, right? Otherwise, why give it to me and billions of others just so that a single entity could use it…
One COULD play the long game and Level him to make buckets of gold, but then… couldn’t you make some from Quests, Mobs and potentially whatever else the System cooks up?
I wiggle my pockets and listen to what the gold has to say for itself.
*jingle-jingle*
“Non…” I am a Hoarder. My whole thing IS to keep shiny things, not yeet them at people’s faces. “…SUPER non.”
Let’s what else is on the menu…
…
Yeah, this was certainly… something, alright.
A peeping-Tom Pokemon with premium wallhacks? That sounds hella cracked on paper.
But so did Communism…
I’m not really content with giving up what could potentially be my only slot for a really kick-ass companion for… Naesty.
Oh God, I just— The name… Eeeh…
The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
I’ll admit, I WAS entertained for like… three seconds. But then my brain did the grown-up thing and looked at the bigger picture.
This is NOT a fucking video! Who gives a shit about 100% map completion and espionage when ALL the Secret Services and presidents are on oil rigs?
Yeeeeeah, it’s a hard pass. For now at least. Maybe Hoarder could, eventually, let me raise TWO Chosen, but we’re living in the ‘now,’ and papa needs a Summoner Necromancer NOW!!!
But then again, would I really give the floating eyeball a chance instead of another Lich that’d give me LOTS of Thralls and slaves?
Probably not.
…Okey-doke then, moving right along~!
Hmmm…
OH MY GOD, speak of the FUCKING devil!
…
“What the fuck?!” The purple prompt popped out of existence.
“What? What now?” Said Milo. Oh shit, I hope he wasn’t talking to me; I kinda spaced outta everything.
“I was in the middle of EVENING the odds, but I guess System’s connection timed out!” I say, as a creeping sensation of dread started making its way.
“Are you gonna get on clearing the entrance soon or…” Of course it was Raymond who fucking rushed me towards an early grave…
“Yeah yeah, two seconds!” I say.
Hey System, I'm in the middle of reading that, so what the fuck gives?
I popped the Chosen Undead Skill again—
…
I opened and closed and opened and closed…
Josaiah was gone, what the actual FUCK!
Hold up... Wait a minute…
Did someone else pick him…?
Oh my GOD, is that why?! Is that why there’s only A HANDFUL of them!?!
Okay, ENGAGING Overdrive at MAXIMUM Level!
“hm-hm…YEAH, no wait… tch-tch-tch tss.”
“Lil D, are you having an autistic attack?”
“LOVE!” I think the hellspawn just slapped M behind his head.
“I’m sorry, my Ray of light, but—”
“NO, it’s fine! It’s allllllll fiiine…”
There HAS to be another Summoner in here, SOMEWHERE! Otherwise, this would be the worst interface and video game in the whole wide world—nah, scratch that, the entire multiverse!!
C’mon, baby girl, don’t do this, please don’t fuck me over, not like thiiiis!!
“hebele-he, heble-HA!!”
Wait, COULD IT BE?!
“YEEEES!!” A lot of people started making a lotta sounds when they heard ME makin’ sounds.
“YEYEYEYEYEYEAAH!!”
*FOOOOOM— whum-whum-whum-whum—*
“FUUUUAAAHC!!!”
AS IF THIS SHIT COULDN’T GET MORE off the rails, a FUCKING giant purple bubble, with bolts of indigo, just fucking formed RIGHT in front of me, and it was getting bigger and bigger!!
Emil, Raylo and literally EVERYONE else put it in Reverse.
But me?
Nah.
Nah-nah-nah
I plop my ass down RIGHT next to the eye of the storm! I’m basically front-row at the creation of this black hole, and I’m Mcloving IT!
And then… someone stepped through.
*Vrrroam!*
“HOOOOOLY SHIEEEEET!!” I screech and scramble back to my feet. “IS ANYBODY ELSE SEEING THIS!?” But when I turn around, everybody’s backed up against the lockers like they’re trying to phase through them. Oh my GAAAAWD, what a buncha cowards; it’s just a Terminator reference!
This HAS to be the SECOND-coolest thing since we got sucked into a video game!
Speaking of which, the figure stands at least two meters tall, in a hulking suit of dark, almost black armor. But the coolest and ICKIEST parts about him—oops, her…
All the major muscle groups—chest, abs, shoulders, thighs, biceps, and the buttocks as well— are framed by that hard steel but covered instead by this tight, veiny, fleshy-like red material!
“Kick-AAAAAAAASSS~~~!!” I wheezed so hard, I probably turned my lungs inside out.
The helm is this simple knight’s visor with just a narrow slit to see through. In her left hand, she has that tower shield that’s practically as big AS ME!!
“What can I say? WHAT CAN I say?!" I scream. “EVENING the odds, MUTHAFUCKASSS!!!!” My happiness levels go critical, and I just start BREAK-DANCING on the floor!!
Imagine the SUMMONS she’ll make!!! She prolly won’t get anywhere near my level, volume-wise, but heyyoooo! Quality over quantity or whatever…
“It IS soooooo FUCKING OOOON!!!” I keep spacing out and bouncing around the place.
“Oh my God…! Sh-she’s a monstrosity!!” Raymond, apparently found some shred of courage (just her bitchiness kickin' off) and stepped up, just a lil’…
*Inhaaaaaaale*
FUCKING BUZZKIIIIIIIIIIILL!!
“…Don’t worry, I’m sure the feeling’s mutual.” I say in a really neutral tone, lest she breaks down or rips my hair again…
“It is.”
“SeeEEEEYAH!!”
Did this hulking Dark Knight just talk!!!!?! And in english, TOO?!
“GAKSBDISDSCSWRTSBDNSF!!!” No word, phrase, or thought can express just how over the moon I am!
But I guess my Chosen wanted to give me a heart attack, as she proceeded to take a MASSIVE shit on reject Bonnie!
“I see you, mutt. You leech. Just because you are in the twilight, it doesn’t mean that you won’t fully drain your fuckable meatbag.” She says, voice low and scary. “Then we shall see who’s more monstrous…”
“N-no!” Said Ray
“No way!” Milo chimed in.
YAAAAAAS!! I have to get this insane-looking grin off a’ me. Oh, and also steer the topic away.
“Terribly sorry to be the butt of butts, but are you… d-did you get here cuz of me…?” The helmet tilts down at me, and, as JAHOVA is my witness, the temperature drops to sub-zero!
“Yes, Summoner.” The figure says with her surprisingly SUPER and non-harsh nor raspy, feminine voice. “It is I, Corenya.”
In response, I lift my head and fist in the air, and I achieve lift-off. Man, i hope my gestures aren’t gang signs from where she comes from…
“Oh my fucking jeebus and sweet shits, you are a DEMI-GOD of Death; forget the Mole-man, EVERYONE will fall against you!!” I gush. “This is so AWESOME; you’re like the Doom Slayer’s sister and GLAZED with JUST the right amount of edge!
“…” Corenya just stood there… MENACINGLY. But I know. I know that behind her helmet, she most definitely blushed! I can feel it in my bones!!
“C-can I… Can I just… check your stats real quick?”
The ‘strong but silent’ shtick is starting to irk me a bit. Maybe she’s doing some pressing to see if I’m… up to the mettle? Truth be told, I’m not sure I’m the ideal…muscly master for someone like her.
…I’ll just take her silence as a yes.
“Inspect!”
“TWO HUNDRED HP?!” I shriek and do a little dance. “AND TWENTY-FIVE STRENGTH?!? That’s WAAAY more than you, Milo!” I point at him, but he was currently having an out-of-body experience or something…
I scroll down the Skills and my little tap dancing dies out. I frown and recheck the list thrice to make sure I’m not going retarded and can’t read no more.
NOPE, my brain’s still intact and there’s NO MATERIAL on Minions!!
“Uhh, Corenya, was it? What’s your title again?” I ask and try my best to make it sound casual, lest I become two-dimensional…
“It’s Mistress of the Red Pack.” She said, flatly.
“Yeah, i figured…” I gingerly say. “Sooo… when will your pack be joining us? Do you need some more Levels, do a Quest or like… collect 50 pieces of them or something?”
Corenya eyed me a bit then proceeded to point to her abdomen… “It is only me, Summoner.”
“Oh…” I blink a few times and process her words. I guess I… jumped the gun a little…
For half a second, I feel a twinge of disappointment—after all, my whole Hoarder kit is all about Raising as many things as possible, and having a Chosen who could do the same would’ve been metal!
But then I look up at this absolute UNIT standing in front of me! Even if she couldn’t Raise the dead, I bet she has a PhD in making them for yours truly!
“That’s STILL SO AWESOME!” I bounce back from foot to foot. “Can you guys see her Skills?! She can make people EXPLODE!! With MUSCLES!! She’s like a walking bomb of GAINZ!”
“W-we’re gonna die…” Raymond’s toxicity levels go under and she goes back to the rear.
“We already heard this bit before,” I say. “And JUST like last time, you’re WROOOOOOONG!! The people shall prevail; the indomitable HUMAN spirit SHALL prevail!”
“Huuuu… The living always assume superiority, despite their obvious frailties.”
“See?!” I say, beaming. “She so gets me.”
Milo sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Can we please just get out of here…?”
“Right, right.” I nod vigorously. “Corenya! Your first mission shall be OPERATION Paperclip!”
“I do not know what a ‘paper clip’ is, Summoner. If you need me to kill, I will kill. Not that.”
Ahhhh, this is gonna be so FUCKING EPIC!!
The second we step outside, a little Notification pops up in my vision.
[You have left (Milo)’s Party]
Wait, what? I didn’t click anything!
I swipe frantically at the air, trying to find the rejoin option, but the System’s giving me the digital middle finger.
“Guys? GUYS! I think my ping’s a little high!” I yell back, but then my attention snaps forward cuz we’ve got some fucking COMPANYYY!!
Five hunched figures are scattered around the courtyard, each one a furry’s wet dream. Ooh, now that I’m even MORE Dexterous, I can make out their wrinkly and hairless patches, yuuuuck…
“Are these the ‘paper clips’ you mentioned, Summoner?” Said Corenya, super chill, like she’s looking at some butterflies and NOT furries!
“YEP, that’s— yeah, nailed IT like a fucking JACKHAMMER!!” I yelp and stumble back into Corenya’s big frame. “If you could take care them, that'd be so swell…”
“Very well, I’ll—” Oh FUCK, one of the mole-freaks CHARGED at us!
*Vrrrrr!*
It’s very sharp steel meets a very sturdy shield. The impact makes a sound like a car hitting a concrete barrier.
[Critical Hit — (-34)]
“Holy shitballs!” In two swift motions, Corenya swats her massive shield in the Avogadrill’s face with enough force to make it fly back. Before it could land, however, she was SO on it, and so was her massive gauntleted hand crushing its throat.
Turns out ya’ boy could make the decisions about which points go where, and guess what I picked!
[Dexterity 5 ? 35]
[Endurance: 20 ? 25]
Dexterity fucking ROOOOOCKS!!!!
“Filthy creature, know your place.” She intones, and I believe she started SUCKING the moleman’s muscles into her own, nay, into her armor…?
The veiny red parts of her armor pulse and swell slightly.
“Riiiii…!” The ‘animal’ shrieks and POPPED a drill right out of its chest, aiming for Corenya’s face.
“HEADS UP!” I scream.
But Corenya simply tilts her head to the side, and the drill harmlessly whizzes past her, and then she DRIVES her shield into the creature’s neck.
*Crack* *CRACK* *CRACK*
[Critical Hit — (-34)] [Critical Hit — (-34)] [Critical Hit — (-34)]
“HOHO, GET SOME!!!”
*Bad Reputation; By Halfcocked"
Oh NO, duck, bitch, that one's coming for you! “SHIT SHIT SHIT!!”
This one’s a lil’ faster and I am NOT built like Cory over there! I sprint across the courtyard, using my superior Dexterity and smarts to get ahead of it!
“I need a little HELP here!” Oh man, my voice cracked…
Corenya finishes off her opponent with a final shield bash that opens it up…
[Critical Hit — (-34)]
[235 XP]
NICE! Corenya’s attention turns toward my predicament, but there are STILL three more problems she needs to deal with!
Corenya spins with surprising grace for someone her size and BURRIED in metal, but not quite fast enough!
One of the freaks POPS a drill from their body and manages to catch Cornya RIGHT in the side where her armor gives way to the red membrane.
*SKRAAAAA!!*
[-7] [-7] [-7] [-7] [-7]
Corenya just takes it like a BOSS!! Instead, her body responds in the most disturbing way POSSIBLE!
*BLOOOORCH!*
The red parts suddenly SWELL and they bulge outwards like she’s having an allergic reaction on steroids.
Me and the mole-man started watching in horrified fascination as her substantial muscle mass TRIPLED in size. How in the name of FABRICS and PLASTICS doesn’t that shit break…?
The Avogadrill that stabs her tries to withdraw, but it’s caught in the mass. Corenya GRABS its arms and YANKS it clean off its socket!
[-48]
“Fuaaah!” I shout and grab my head, equal parts horrified and blown away!
My moment of distraction costs me. My own pursuer returns to their own senses and gets close enough to POP a drill from its fingers and impale me!
[-16]
“FINE ASS BITCHESSSSS!!” I yelp. “CORENYA!! Now or never!”
[+235 XP]
She’s just finished stomping the second Avogadrill into paste. Without a word, she charged forward.
*STOMP* *STOMP* *STOMP*
The heat in amish cloths turns to face this new threat, and turns both of his hands into drills.
*Vrrrrr!*
*SCRYYYYYYYYAAA!!!!*
[-2] [-2] [-3]
*EYYYYYYYRKKKKK!*
Wow, who knew you could get tetanus when your ears were drowning in blood!
Suddenly, a new drill pops out of its shoulder, aiming for Corenya’s arm.
But she’s ready. She twists and turns away from the new drill’s path, then shoots her hand to grab the driller by its head and SMASHES it on her jagged-ass shield!'
[Critical Hit — (-44)] [Critical Hit — (-44)] [Critical Hit — (-44)]
“…riiii—”
Then she places her hand on the creature’s jaw and mouth and lifts it up. “Shhhh…”
Oh Jesus, the were-mole’s head started to swell like a balloon, with its terrified face stretching—
*SKRAAAP!*
[+235 XP]
“Ohhhh, shiet!!” The Diesel blood and skull bits manage to shower me a little… “Alright, FUCKNUTS! Come GET SOME!!” I cheer!
The final two mobs seem to realize they’re well and truly fucked. And so, the shitheads scatter in different directions, becoming the hunted.
Hehehe~!
I raise my hands in the air. “Arise!”
Just like earlier today, a migraine finds its way up my brain and FUCK ME, I reeeeeaally hope this shit isn’t the de-facto… Granted, it wasn’t of the same caliber, BUT STILL!!
One by one, all the Avogadrills Raise Up from their dirt naps, minus the one that had its head fucking exploded.
Their brown coats take a gray hue, and their eyes turn purple and threaten to pop the FUCK out! Oh shit, did their clothes change as well?
“It’s alive…” I murmured. “IT’S ALIIIIIVE!”
The Zombies give me a small celebratory dance. The mole-man with the missing arm picks it up and waves it around!!!
“So!” I clap and the moleman flunkies go in front of me and look at the Bodybuilder “I go left, you go right?”
Again, Corenya doesn’t say squat and just goes for the Moleman. Super rude…
“Alright fellas, time to KICK IT!”
…
As we managed to corner and entrap one of the Molemen inside, it REALLY started freaking out and doing all this spasming and doing some fighting back.
“RI-RI-RIIII!!
At long last, it remembered that deep down, it was NOTHING but a wild animal. So it thrashed for dear life…
The two Undead just point their hands at their—
*POP* *POP*
[Critical Hit — (-36)] [Critical Hit — (-36)]
Oh MY FAT FUCK!!
These little sadists just fucking SHOT their loaded drills RIGHT in its face and throat. A gruesome fact I learned JUST now is that as long as you have HP, you can suffer the most FUCKED UP wounds!!
Not… great.
*SPLORCH-SPLORCH-SPLORCH*
*SQUELCH—SLUUUURP*
*GLOP-GLUP-GLUP*
*GLAAAAATCH—GURGLE*
[-3] [-3] [-3] [-16] [-10] [-5] [-5] [-11] [-9]
[+235 XP]
…
So how’s Ren holding up?
Oh, she’s BUSY alright. Her muscles deflated back to normal.
[-8] [-8]
Corenya grunts but she takes it like a champ yet again! In return, she spins and swings her shield in a wide arc that catches its frame and sends it flying into a tree.
[-28]
*CRUNCH*
Ooooh, fuck!
The mole-man’s— yup, it started crawling on its arms away from my chosen.
As if she’s in slow-mo, Cory casually walks up right in front of it.
“R…riii…”
She lifted her sabatons and—
*CRUNCH* *CRUNCH* *CRUNCH* *CRUNCH*
[Critical Hit — (-30)] [Critical Hit — (-30)] [Critical Hit — (-30)] [Critical Hit — (-30)] [Critical Hit — (-30]
[+235 XP]
“That. Was… FUCKING AWESOOOOME!!!” My face hurts SO bad! No human was built to experience such happiness!! “Everybody, pat yourself on the back, then let’s GIVE a round of applause for the MVP of this bitch!”
*Clap-clap-clap*
*klu-klu-klu-klu-klu*
Try as they might, it’s a little hard to clap when you got no hands…
“Hmph.”
If my reading from earlier was, by a minuscule chance, wrong as fuck, THIS time around, she’s blushing! Anything else would be inconceivable!
“Woaaaaaah!!” For the umpteenth time today, my socks are blown RIGHT the fuck off.
At this point, the Zombie Mole-man is a completely different creature! And it looks like it’s Leveled down…? I guess that makes, caint have the slaves stronger than the masters. AW MAN, but that is some buuuu’shiiet!
You’re telling me that I CAN’T cheese the apocalypse by Raising Level 100 Mobs?!
Bummer…
Oh wait, what the hell’s with that timer at the end…?
[17:42]
Please tell me that’s a countdown to its GLORIOUS EVOLUTION and not how much time it has left on this earth…
[17:39]
Shieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet…
Corenya’s real good, but I’m sure that even she has her limits. Not that it matters since I REFUSE to play with only one Minion!! There just has to be a Skill, an Armor or Scepter, something that fixes this shitty-ass mechanic!!
“What do you say, Coco? Am I fucked or am I truly fucked?” I ask, not really expecting an answer.
“I believe the Early-Game is the second-most arduous process in a User’s life, though the circumstances are… different.” Said Corenya, all wise and distant. Looks like she was eyeing some cars and buildings.
“Yeeeeah, maybe, maybe not. I’d rather grind when it’s all fun and new to me, rather than at the higher Levels.
Also, YOU CAN TAAAALK!!” Aw man, I thought I put a lid on it…
“…You expressed your surprise earlier.” Said Corenya, in a really reserved manner that could either be shyness or suppressed anger…
So I whirl around and point at her. “Super duper sorry, but I still can't wrap my head around how YOU are capable of complex speech patterns and thinking!”
“Did you think my thinking capabilities were reduced?” There’s a some disdain sprinkled in… May as well be truthful, otherwise, she might just pry it out of me…
“I didn’t know what to expect!” I throw my hands up. “The System’s kinda sparse on these details, so for all I knew, you’d just be a Zombie or Lich or fuckin’… a patch of darkness.
But YOU’RE definitely more of a Punisher type a’ gal!”
“The System?” Asked Corenya. Could she not see it?
“Yeah, the floating blue squares in the air that practically make us GODS!!!”
“Oh, you mean the Codex Systemica.” OH!! Different meaning, holy canoli!
“Us earth-dwellers call it the System! Well, me and my educational peers!”
“Earth… what a terrible name for such a city…” She says somberly, but before I can correct her— “I have no interest in punishing sinners. I am only a servant of the Abyss, bound to your will by the laws of Necromancy.”
“Whoa, so deep.” I nod my head, just to give the impression that I got it. “So, like, who ARE you? I mean, before you became my super awesome Chosen? Were you a bouncer? A super-hardcore dominatrix?? How do you know english? Is that actual MEAT on your arm or just some weird magic stuff?
Corenya stands there for a moment, and i get the impression that she’s deciding whether to answer or crush my skull.
“My past does not matter, Summoner.” She says.
“Awwww, man…” My disappointment is huge and my day is ruined…
“Although… I speak your language because your mind shapes mine to understand it.” OH?! Progress after all!! “The… ‘meat’, as you called it, is not meat at all.”
My curiosity peaks. “Can I… touch it?”
Again, that pause. But this time, there was a nod. Sweeeeeet!
I step closer and reach out.
*Squelch*
“EWWW!!” I yank my hands back and frantically rub them on my jeans. It’s SO slimy and weird. “The FUCK is that shit?”
“It’s the insides of a Toadster.” She says, and I believe there’s little humor in there!
“That’s super gross. I LOVE IT!!”
…
“May I speak plainly with you, Summoner?” Asked Corenya, all of a sudden interested and whatnot.
“Yeah, of course!” I feel like my stomach’s taking a nosedive. This was gonna be hard…
“Why did you summon me?”
*Siiiigh*
I scratch the back of my neck. “Honestly, I panicked. All the cool kids were getting the really good Chosen and I didn’t wanna get left behind! So yeeeeah, I maaaay have not read whachu’re good at, but I made an educated gamble and LOOK how it paid off!”
“So you summoned me… out of jealousy and pragmatism?”
“AND the Red Pack in your name! By the grace of god, that was SUCH a clickbaity title.” I shake my head in disgust. YEARS of exposure to such methods should have prepped me better…
“May I speak bluntly once more?”
“‘Course, you don’t need to keep asking!” I beam at her.
…
“You are unbearably naive…” She says, and the sentence is COMPLETELY marinated in hate.
“…Hehehehe~~!!” Holy shit, am I a child! “Well, I was born an hour ago~!” Then I look at my fingers and back to my own Undead.
I hear Corenya sigh.
Call me Bob the Fixer, cuz’ I can DEFINITELY fix her! '
“You know what, Cory?” I glance back at the city. “I feel like this is the start of a really beautiful thing…~!”
Corenya doesn’t respond, but that’s okay. Whether she liked it or not, we’re a team now! And I’ve got a feeling we’re gonna do amazing things together.
Or KILL EVERYTHING IN OUR WAAAY!! That works, too!
