Tap.

  Tap.

  Tap.

  I slowly tapped on the cafeteria table, just silent enough so that only I could hear.

  ‘Crap…’

  Honestly, I wasn’t in the best head space.

  The night before, I texted Aurora, telling her that I’m ending things.

  I didn’t say much, just that I knew she cheated and didn’t want to be with her anymore.

  She didn’t respond. Just left me on read.

  ‘I know she was seeming distant, but I didn’t actually think she was cheating. Especially so early into the relationship.’

  I genuinely was lost.

  I had no idea what could’ve caused her to cheat on me.

  It was a confusing and uncomfortable situation.

  I didn’t think I was dreaming, I knew I wasn’t. Yet, apart of me wanted to wish that I was.

  After all, I had just lost someone who I’d known for a while.

  Even if I didn’t consider being her boyfriend, she was one of my closest friends.

  But now that friendship, that relationship, would be gone forever.

  I wasn’t going to continue dating her or even coming in contact with her, that was a fact. There was no chance I would be willing to be disrespected like that.

  Still, losing such a bond was an odd feeling.

  **

  ‘Oh…I forgot I had math with her today.’

  Sitting in my usual seat in Mrs. Rivers classroom, I remembered that I usually sat next to Aurora.

  Except now, she was no longer next to me.

  Scanning the classroom, I noticed that she was sitting across the class, talking with someone.

  ‘She switched her seat…’

  I didn’t stare directly at Aurora, instead I turned my head to the front of the class and glanced at her from the corner of my eye.

  ‘She looks so happy. If I didn’t know better, I wouldn’t have even considered the idea that she just cheated on me.’

  I wanted to sigh. No, it was more like I wanted to shout.

  But I did neither.

  Instead, I thought about something I’d have to do in the near future.

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  ‘How am I gonna tell the others about Aurora and I breaking up? I guess I should tell them at lunch, right? Since all of them will be in the same place. I’ll assume Aurora won’t be sitting with us, so I’ll have to explain on my own.’

  Thinking through my future conversations, I made an effort to focus on class, even though it was mostly in vain.

  **

  “Hey everyone,” Soriel greeted cheerfully.

  “Hey Soriel!” Nishimoya responded.

  Tristan waved and I greeted her as well, although my greeting probably wasn’t as enthusiastic as Nishimoya.

  “Hm? Where’s Aurora?” Nishimoya asked after a while.

  “She’s probably with…” Tristan began to answer.

  “With her friends. And she probably won’t come back,” I said, cutting Tristan off.

  With confusion evident on their faces, everyone turned to look at me. Even Tristan looked up, even though his expression remained indifferent.

  “Huh? Why wouldn’t she?” Nishimoya rashly asked.

  I sighed softly, and spoke.

  “Because we broke up.”

  Nishimoya’s face twisted into one of extreme surprise while Soriel’s eyes slightly widened.

  Tristan remained unreactive.

  “Why?!” Nishimoya questioned, her tone more shaky and her voice becoming slightly louder.

  “Uh…um…she cheated on me,” I answered, my voice much more soft than before.

  Nishimoya instantly went quiet, seemingly not willing to ask anymore questions.

  Soriel’s face went from surprise to slightly somber. Her eyes seemed to reflect a small bit of pity.

  Tristan’s face was still calm, not portraying any particular emotion. However, his eyebrows creased ever so slightly.

  “Are you okay?” Soriel asked this time.

  “I’m fine. It sucks but I’m alright,” I replied calmly.

  Looking at everyone, I grimaced inwardly.

  ‘Oh. I ruined the mood. Damn it, I’m such a moron.’

  For a little while, our lunch table remained quiet. Fortunately, Soriel managed to change the topic and continue a conversation with Nishimoya and I for the rest of the period.

  Still, an air of loss lingered over our table.

  **

  ‘Oh. School’s over.’

  Seeing that all my classmates were leaving the social studies classroom, that was the conclusion I made.

  I got up from my seat and silently exited the classroom as well.

  I walked at an average pace through the hallway, likely a bit slower than usual.

  As I walked, I saw someone.

  ‘Oh. It’s Soriel.’

  From what I could see, she was walking to the music room.

  “Soriel,” I called out.

  She turned around and saw that I was the one who called out to her.

  Walking over, I explained myself.

  “Can I stay with you as you practice the piano?” I asked.

  Soriel looked at me with confusion.

  “I thought you would’ve wanted to be alone, considering what happened,” Soriel replied.

  “I’m fine, I just want to hear you play. Don’t worry, I won’t interrupt your playing,” I responded.

  Soriel paused for a moment, before agreeing and letting me come inside the room.

  I sat down on the floor.

  This time, Soriel didn’t argue with me.

  She just sat on the piano and began to play.

  I wasn’t sure what type of song Soriel was going to play but I didn’t really care.

  No, that’s a lie.

  I did care. I had something in mind that I wanted to listen to.

  Soriel must’ve known that because she played exactly the type of song I wanted.

  A solemn song.

  One with a melody that made me feel like I was being moved.

  Like a lone boat drifting in a vast sea. It felt warm yet dark.

  Bright yet gloomy.

  It didn’t try to lift me up, nor did it try to bring me down.

  Instead, the melody was in harmony with me. It let my surroundings keep me in my mood, not change it.

  The song validated it, even though I was undeserving of it.

  It was an ethereal song.

  Played by an ethereal person.

  **

  Slam!

  The door to my apartment slammed shut, cutting all noise from the outside world.

  Leaving me in complete silence.

  I took off my jacket, and then the top of my uniform. I was going to take off the bottom as well but I stopped.

  I just walked over to the couch and sat.

  I didn’t turn on the television. Nor did I go on my phone.

  I stayed in complete and utter silence, not uttering a word.

  My eyes didn’t close, they stared at the turned off television screen in front of me.

  In it, I could see my reflection.

  My slightly messy hair, my boring eyes, my skinny figure.

  I sat and stared at it.

  I didn’t pay attention to anything specifically, I just looked at it.

  Then, I had a thought.

  ‘How do I feel?’

  I’m fine.

  I wanted to respond that way, but that wasn’t the question.

  Again, I repeated in my head.

  ‘How do I feel?’

  I don’t know.

  That wasn’t a lie. I did not know how I felt.

  I didn’t try to find out how I felt.

  Nor did I want to find out.

  Because, in truth.

  I was sad.