(Journal - Robby, Age 8)

  My bathroom is getting full so I had to make a new one. I dug the hole deeper this time so it will last longer. I made it bigger too. The big survival book says you should burn the ends of the trees before you put them in the ground so bugs don’t eat them, so I did that. I wove the branches together for walls like my house walls. I didn’t put clay on them because I think that would make it smell worse.

  I borrowed a sink from the abandoned house. It took all day. I have a bucket under it and a pipe that wooshes outside into a hole. I borrowed a mirror too. When I washed my face and saw myself I decided I need to cut my hair. I don’t want you to be mad when you come back. I’m trying to do my words better. I practice a lot in the dirt with a stick.

  I also added a pee pipe to the house because I dont always need to poop. It just goes into a hole using an old plastic pipe from the abandoned house.

  My birthday is soon. The new poop room is done. It’s not a bathroom because there’s no bath, so it’s a poop room.

  “Every ship needs a good poop room!” ARKNAD says.

  I put all my borrowed butt paper in there too. I visit the park once a week and get more so I have enough for winter. I tried leaves. They get crumbly and don’t work. Trust me.

  Digging took longer than I thought. The ground is harder when you go deeper. My arm started shaking and I had to stop a lot. I counted shovel scoops to keep my brain busy. ARKNAD says counting keeps panic away. I think he’s right.

  I burned the wood ends slow like the book said, not too much or they crack. The smoke made my eyes water and everything smelled like burnt sap. I kept thinking someone would see the smoke, but ARKNAD said smoke looks normal in the woods now. Lots of people burn things.

  I tested the hole with water to see where it went. It soaked away slow, which is good. I waited to see if it came back up. It didn’t. I told ARKNAD the hole passed inspection. He saluted and said, “Approved for duty, captain.”

  I keep thinking how weird it is to build stuff like this by myself. Grown-ups used to do it. Now it’s me. I wonder if they ever thought about holes like this or if someone else always handled it.

  I found another abandoned house today. Why are there so many houses without people? It had lots of old stuff. Most of it was junk. Rats live there. They scared me at first so I got a sharp stick. ARKNAD says, “Captain, one man’s junk is another man’s treasure.”

  I found sewing stuff so I can fix my clothes. I found scissors too. Me and ARKNAD have a plan but I can’t look like a pirate to do it. So I cut my hair and washed it. It was really dirty.

  Cutting my hair was harder than I thought. I didn’t want it too short. I kept thinking you would laugh if it looked dumb. I used the mirror and scissors and went slow. One side came out crooked so I had to cut the other side more to match it. ARKNAD said pirates don’t worry about hair being even but civilians do.

  When I was done I barely recognized myself. My face looks thinner. My eyes look bigger. I practiced smiling to see if it looked normal. It did, I think.

  I buried the hair outside the dugout so animals wouldn’t use it to track me. ARKNAD said that was very sneaky and maybe too sneaky but better safe than eaten.

  Tomorrow is my birthday. Me and ARKNAD want cake.

  I went to town and brought my OmniPad. I recorded the sound the checkout makes when people swipe their hand. I stood close to them and recorded it good. When it was my turn I played the sound and moved my hand like I was swiping. Nobody paid attention.

  I got a chocolate bar. It was really good.

  So I went back and got more things. I got a cake and candles too. If you want to come to my birthday party tomorrow you can. ARKNAD thinks you should come. It’s okay if you’re busy.

  I felt bad borrowing the cake, but ARKNAD said birthdays are special rules days. I practiced the beep sound a lot before I went inside. I almost messed up once when it played too early. My heart went really fast and I thought someone would grab me.

  Nobody did.

  That was the scariest part.

  People don’t look at you when you’re small and clean and quiet. They look through you. I don’t know if that’s good or bad yet.

  I hid the cake in my jacket all the way home. It got squished a little but I didn’t care. I kept checking behind me anyway.

  I stayed up late the night before my birthday. I didn’t want to sleep through it. I watched the candle burn low and listened to the radio static until the numbers on my OmniPad changed.

  I practiced writing “9” over and over in the dirt. It looks better than when I was seven. The circle part is rounder now.

  ARKNAD says numbers don’t lie, but people do. I don’t know what that means yet, but I think it’s important.

  (Journal - Robby, Age 9)

  I stayed home today. I did my school work so I wasn’t lazy. I had a birthday cake. I waited for you just in case. You must have been busy.

  Me and ARKNAD listened to the radio and blew out the candles. There were nine. Sorry we didn’t save you any. We ate it all.

  Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

  I went to town again. I got new clothes and didn’t have to borrow from clotheslines. I got boots this time. ARKNAD says pirates wear boots, kids wear shoes, and I’m nine now so I’m not a kid anymore. Kids live with parents. You can still visit though.

  I still miss you. I’m still brave. Sometimes I don’t want to be.

  Sometimes I forget I’m only nine until I try to lift something heavy and can’t. My arm still hurts when it’s cold. I don’t tell ARKNAD because he already knows.

  I still talk to you like you can hear me. I don’t do it out loud anymore. Just in my head. It feels safer that way.

  The corn field was harvested today. I watched from a tree. The machines are as big as spaceships. After they left I picked up what they dropped.

  We found walnuts while getting blackberries. I need to hurry because it’s getting cold.

  I went to town again to fix the roof. ARKNAD says a ship shouldn’t leak. I got a new tarp and cans of spray rubber. I got nails and food. I don’t want to walk to town in snow so I got lots.

  It was dark when I got back. I had to rest a lot. My arm is better now if I didn’t tell you. I lost a tooth too. I didn’t cry.

  I took the roof apart and put new trees up. Burned the ends. Tarp on top. Used both cans of spray. It smelled really bad. You’re lucky you weren’t here.

  The spray rubber got everywhere. My hands were sticky for hours. I washed them three times and they still smelled. I think the smell soaked into my skin.

  I tested the roof by pouring water on it from a bucket. It worked. Nothing dripped inside. I laid there listening to the water hit the tarp and felt proud.

  That feeling doesn’t last long, but it’s nice when it shows up.

  No holes. I covered it with pine branches so nobody can see it.

  I don’t want guardians to find me. I think they took you.

  I go to town different now. I don’t walk on the road. I drag pine branches behind me so nobody can follow. ARKNAD says pirates have to know when to be sneaky.

  I bought food and candy. I won’t eat it all. I got sugar for pine tea. I still don’t understand sugar beets yet.

  When I look clean nobody notices me.

  I bought Jalen stuff too. I didn’t talk to them. I left it with a note so I don’t owe them anymore. ARKNAD says if you owe people they control you.

  Dragging pine branches behind me is annoying but it works. I practiced walking in zig-zags too. My legs get tired faster that way. I pretend I’m training for something important.

  When I get back I always sit still for a while and listen. The woods make different sounds now. I know which ones are normal.

  Silence is the scary one.

  Last trip to town for a while. I got solar lights from the garden section. Now my house has lights. You can visit even if it’s dark.

  I got buckets of lard. I cook corn with it and grind it into corn burgers. It’s good.

  I got a toy that does math and word puzzles. It’s learning so it’s okay.

  The solar lights make the dugout feel less like a hole and more like a room. I turned them on and off a lot just because I could. ARKNAD said not to waste power but I think sometimes it’s okay to enjoy things.

  I imagined you walking down the path and seeing the lights and knowing where I am. Then I imagined guardians seeing them and turned them off again.

  I only use them inside now.

  Too much snow now. I can’t go to town.

  I learned to trap tree rats with walnuts. I’m trying to make leather darker with water. I want to make my own coat.

  Sorry I didn’t write. Busy. Fire takes lots of wood. I stacked it up to my window. It keeps heat in.

  Rabbit and sugar beet stew tonight. I’m still doing numbers and words. Reading is easier now. Writing still isn’t. Rules are stupid.

  I wish you were here.

  Winter is loud and quiet at the same time. Snow makes everything softer but breaking ice is sharp. My fingers crack sometimes. I keep them close to the fire.

  The traps work better when I don’t check them too often. That was hard to learn. Waiting is worse than hunger.

  I’m not scared of killing animals anymore. I still thank them though. I don’t know who taught me that.

  Spring is coming. The mud is back. Sorry I was mad at you all winter.

  I started my garden early. I borrowed cow poop and mixed it into the dirt like the book says.

  I almost ran out of paper today. That scared me more than food running low. I cut pages smaller so they last longer. ARKNAD said pirates reuse maps all the time.

  I don’t write every day now. Some days are just the same thing over and over. Wood. Fire. Food. Reading. Quiet.

  Those days still count, even if I don’t write them.

  The car smelled like dirt, smoke, and lavender soap.

  Robby lay back in the driver’s seat, feet on the dash, bags of dried corn stacked behind him. A lard candle burned in a mason jar on the console. The heater had died months ago.

  He turned the radio knob.

  Static.

  “…new drone fleets launching from Lunar Prime, halting Nemicorp’s advance…”

  Click.

  “…defense grid reconstruction underway according to the new president…”

  Static.

  Music, broken but familiar:

  “…a broken fool, with nowhere to hide…”

  Click.

  “…UE black ops teams acquiring StarFire crystal reserves…”

  Click.

  “…it takes two, to mend a broken heart…”

  Robby chewed tree-rat jerky and kept turning the dial. The history books felt wrong. Like pages were missing. None of the news made any sense.

  “…stock prices soar as UE pushes outward…”

  He pressed his forehead to the glass. He didn’t listen. He just hated the silence. The solar panel lasted almost three hours without heat. The candle didn’t help much.

  Loneliness was colder.

  When he climbed out of the car he slipped. The candle fell. He grabbed it fast and slapped out the frayed string on the seat. He checked for embers.

  Something flickered under the seat.

  He reached down. It wasn't a fire.

  It was a picture.

  Him.

  Mom.

  Dad.

  At the park.

  Robby fell backward into the snow, holding the candle up. He studied every detail. He had almost forgotten their faces.

  He sat there for a long time, burning them back into memory.

  He wouldn’t forget again.

  Robby was still here.

  Still brave.

  And still remembered.