If it turns out he is crazy, is that something he is willing to accept?

  Eren watches the chemical solution swirl in his beaker, imagining his brain dissolving like the test strips they are made to lower in. That's what it feels like at least. It’s been three sleepless nights as the sensation of being watched refuses to leave him despite no evidence that anyone has been in or can see into his room.

  His brain feels like it’s dissolving in acid—he’s just crazy. It’s a hard pill to swallow, especially because the math of his data adds up. All of his findings are too consistent for a coincidence to be an option. If everything he sees is one elaborate hallucination, then his mind is working double time to keep things internally and mathematically consistent. His notebook sits in his jacket pocket, hung on the back of his chair but he doesn’t need to see the pages to know their contents by heart. It's been his life for exactly one full month now, and even if his mind is playing tricks on him, he knows his math is perfect.

  He also knows he feels like he is being watched inside almost everywhere now. It is passive but present. So far, this sensation hasn’t once been wrong, and even though he can’t identify who specifically is watching him he knows he is being watched almost at all times. He needs to find a way to confirm something one way or another. Proof of his observations or proof that he needs to be on some serious medication. After all, it’s only a matter of time before Sophie mentions that notebook to his parents. Honestly he’s shocked she hasn’t brought it up yet, but she also just might be waiting for the right moment. Given the options available, Eren would rather be the one explaining the psychotic ramblings than his sister.

  If he does manage to find proof that this is real, how will he explain in a way that doesn’t make him seem crazy regardless of the evidence? Can he tell his parents about his tests with his window and door? Will they believe any photos he gives them?

  The teacher says something about the next ingredient to add, and Eren only half hears her, his mind a-wash with scenarios, actions, consequences, if then statements in strings he pulls on just to see where they might lead. If he brings his knife to school and leaves early again to bait the stalkers into getting closer can he slash their tires and call the police? If it is Victor, and Victor tries to attack him for approaching his car and ruining this game of his can he use that knife another way? Does he want to? Can he get away with it, the same way Victor got away with using his own knife against Eren?

  “Eren!” His teacher's voice cuts through the threads, sending him reeling back in time to watch the solution in his beaker bubble over and out onto the table.

  “Shit.” Eren tries to fix it by grabbing paper towels but the teacher grabs him by the wrist and practically tears him free of the chair before he can make contact with the solution.

  “Outside! Now!”

  Eren stands stunned. He…must have added something while thinking about his options, maybe he misheard the teacher?

  He watches as the teacher washes the solution, before she shoots a look back at Eren telling him with only her eyes that she was serious about waiting outside.

  The cold air bites at him, as he opens the door to the breezeway outside the science building. Frost gathers in the air, clings to the grass and builds around his face where the sweat begins to form. When did it get so cold?

  A few minutes later, the teacher opens the door and joins Eren outside, her face a mix of confusion and concern. Eren can tell she doesn’t know whether to scold him yet or ask how he’s doing, and for some unknown reason the expression flips a switch in Eren's mind.

  Eren’s chest twists with a tightening anxiety and his eyes well up with tears.

  This is stupid, is he really going to cry over a mistake? In spite of everything that's been going on around him, and happening to him, is he really going to break down because the teacher asked him to step outside?

  Yes, he is, and it’s embarrassing.

  God he is so tired. Even now, even with the traces of adrenaline pumping through him from being yelled at he can feel the weight pressing down on his shoulders. His eyes are heavy, his brain hurts. He closes his eyes and can see the numbers written down in his notebook burned into the back of his eyelids. He can recite the seconds and feet and license plates of the cars around him. It's gotten to a point where even the mundane takes its toll. The feeling, that god awful feeling that follows him everywhere now. Every second of every day with his body screaming at him to look over his shoulder, screaming at him to escape, it carves a ravine into his psyche, its a mountain of small pieces all being brought to a boil. His brain isn’t being dissolved in acid, it's overflowing and spilling onto the table. He wonders who will have to clean it up.

  It’s almost funny, like the psychological equivalent of a cartoon character looking down to notice the ground has fallen out beneath them some time ago to plummet directly after.

  Seeing the teacher look at him now sends Eren into a further spiral. His chest hurts, each thump of his heart coming loud enough to make him worry that she’ll hear it. It takes everything in his power to maintain his breathing.

  God, he is pathetic. It’s just a simple mistake, a tiny error in chemistry class in a sea of insanity and still it's this that has him on the brink of a panic attack. This is quite literally nothing compared to the stalkers, or Victor, yet all of that feels stupid now.

  Smart enough to know he is being stupid but not smart enough to stop the wave of emotions working through his body like a virus infecting every pore.

  Each breath he takes feels like the last, each second passed in silence feels like time might stop alltogether, or the earth will open up and swallow him whole.

  “Eren...” The teacher’s shockingly soothing voice offers very little to his stirring mind. “Is everything alright?”

  He struggles to meet her eyes, not because he is an emotional mess but because he can’t meet anyone's eyes—and because he is an emotional mess. God he’s exhausted, his brain fights his own body as everything inside of him feels like it melts into a soup.

  “Sorry...” Is all he can muster. The word comes out like half-chewed food, spilling from his lips to land on the floor without quite making it to her.

  “You look exhausted. Are you getting enough sleep? Is everything alright at home?” She leans forward, her tone softening further.

  “Home’s fine.” It isn’t a lie, not entirely. Home is fine. Hell, it’s the only place he feels he can relax even a bit, despite the sensation of being watched while he sleeps. It’s the time spent everywhere else that’s dragging him down the most, though. But he can’t tell her that. What is he supposed to say? He is diligently recording the going ons of his day-to-day life hour by hour to try and determine why three stalkers bugged his phone and follow him home every day?

  “What about here at school? I remember there was an incident a while back with a couple of the other kids. Are they still—”

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  “No, no issues, I promise.” That is a lie, but there’s no point in retreading old ground. A dead horse can only be kicked so many times before it gets boring. That’s his mindset towards being on the receiving end of the horse kickers and having kicked several counselor-shaped horses himself over the years at least.

  “Eren, listen to me. I really want you to hear what I have to say, okay?”

  He nods, picking his head up a bit. Adults love to be heard, and situations like this would only be dragged out if they thought you were ignoring them. Better to pretend now and dismiss it later.

  “You are brilliant and wise well beyond your years. You know that, your parents know that, the staff knows that. You have been a straight-A student as far back as we have records. This incident isn’t the end of the world—it tells me that something happened, or is happening.”

  She leans forward, in that way teachers do to convince you they care. Maybe she does care—that would be nice.

  “I want to make sure you are alright. You have an incredible future ahead, and I absolutely don’t want to see this become the start of a spiral. I know talking to counselors is hard. If you want to talk to me, I am always here. Alright? Whatever it is, I’m here.”

  She sounds like she cares... at least a little bit. Eren can pick up pretty quickly when a teacher is full of it. He can feel the tears coming. He wants to tell someone about what is going on, he truly does.

  If she cares, maybe she will understand. It’s not like she is a counselor, or his parents, she is a third party with no stake in anything. If anyone is safe to tell, surely it's a teacher who really cares about it, right?

  Eren parts his lips, letting the breath make an almost whistle as the truth rises in his throat. Maybe he could tell her, maybe she could understand at least a little, maybe—

  The bell rings, signaling the end of the class period, and not a second later, students begin to file out around them.

  As quickly as Eren’s lips open, they close again. “I’m alright, thanks.” He rushes to wipe the tears from his eyes, but he can still feel them coming.

  He needs to get out of here, fast.

  Eren turns on his heels and rushes down the hall, ignoring the tightness in his chest and the tingle up his spine as his teacher watches him escape with what he assumes is likely pity. It’s always pity.

  By the time he makes it to his next class, the tears are gone, and his breathing returns to an almost normal rate.

  He needs to calm down and relax. She’s right—this would be bad if it became a spiral. He needs to focus, to take his mind off everything going on around him, even for a moment, a moment enough to focus on school.

  Eren reaches down for his backpack and finds open air where it should be.

  His eyes flicker to the empty space beside his chair where his backpack usually is, pats his body, can’t feel his jacket, and his heart stops.

  Fuck.

  His mind ignites, and the tightness in his chest returns tenfold as he realizes he left everything back in chemistry class.

  He left his teacher in such a hurry that he forgot everything at his desk. This is bad—really, really bad.

  The world gets too small, his skin feels too tight. Eren’s breath is not nearly enough to keep him conscious anymore. He needs to get his backpack, his jacket, and he needs to get his notebook before anyone sees it, but no matter how much he knows he needs to his body betrays him.

  “Come on, come on,” he grimaces, willing his legs to throw him from his seat and out the door to get his things, but they don’t obey—they never obey when he gets like this.

  If someone sees his notes, they would take them to the principal or a counselor—or, worse, tell his parents or the police. He can’t let that happen, not yet, not until he gets proof, not until he knows for sure.

  Eren inches off of his desk but can’t manage beyond a single half-turn away before his whole body shuts down. The edges of his vision begin to fade, and he is panicking—absolutely panicking.

  He needs to calm himself down. He needs to regain control. What did his old therapist tell him again? What are the steps? He can’t remember. Why can’t he remember?

  This is stupid, so stupid. Why is he panicking so much? He just needs to get his backpack and jacket—that’s it, that’s all he needs. He has done it plenty of times before.

  Is it exhaustion? The fear? Is he breaking? Is he actually having a psychotic break? Why does knowing what is happening not stop it from happening? This is hell. This is really actually hell.

  Eren can feel the sweat permeate his back, soaking him through. He can hear his breath rasping hard in his throat, his heart thundering in his chest. Can others hear it? Are they looking at him? They are, they hear him, they see him, why won’t they help him?

  Holy shit, it hurts.

  “Eren Pierce?” a voice calls, barely audible from the doorway. It sounds like it’s so incredibly far away. He wishes it would leave him alone. He wishes everyone would leave him alone. He could get over this. He could get through it if only people leave him alone.

  “Eren? You left your jacket and backpack in chem. Mrs. Anderson asked me to give it to you?” the voice calls again.

  Eren forces his head to shift to the doorway, struggling with every fiber of his being to stop his body from shaking, bring color back to his pale face, and stop the impossible pounding of his heart. It doesn’t work, his hands vibrate the desk, rattle it. He can’t speak clearly, his breathe wheezes. He’s dying.

  “Are you Eren? Here...” The girl drops the backpack and jacket off at his feet, though the panic doesn’t stop even as she leaves. He tries his best to nod his head, to mouth the words thank you, but the breath doesn’t come.

  Eren’s shaking hand pats at the pockets of his jacket, and his stomach drops further than he thought possible.

  The notebook is gone.

  He has everything else, all of his schoolwork in his backpack and the pen in his other pocket, but the notebook is absolutely gone.

  Does his teacher have it? Does one of the students? If the teacher saw what was in it, she would have sent someone else to get him, right? Why would she keep it and not say anything? Does she want him to come and get it himself? He doesn’t know—he can’t think.

  Eren’s body vibrates harder. He can’t breathe. Everything is too loud, too bright, too everything. His skin feels too tight around his bones, his lungs can’t take in enough air. He needs to leave, escape, he needs to get out.

  “Eren?” his math teacher’s voice.

  He can’t take it anymore.

  Eren bolts upright from his chair, his body finally snapping, like a rubber band pulled to its absolute limit. It doesn’t obey his mental order to run, instead it throws itself from the chair, wild, uncoordinated as it stumbles away to the sudden release of tension.

  Grabbing his backpack and jacket, Eren charges through the classroom door and out into the hallway, ignoring the sounds of his math teacher calling out after him.

  He needs to get out of the school.

  The cold air burns his lungs as he breaks into a sprint after rounding the edge of the campus walkway, ignoring the car that follows his escape.

  His eyes burn, watering from the tears that fight against his efforts to hold them down, only to freeze against his skin soon after leaving. Time shifts irregularly, seconds pass in hours. Each step feels like a small eternity until he realizes he reaches his house in what feels like a minute. Nothing feels real, he doesn’t feel real, this is a nightmare.

  Eren pulls open his front door and rushes inside, pounding his way up the stairs to his bedroom, throwing himself on the bed in the fetal position to sob.

  The sobs catch in his throat, eager to escape but unable to make the final pass through his lips as the sensation of being watched tears him apart. He can still feel it, even now and stronger than ever.

  He is crazy. He has to be crazy. Why else would he feel this way?

  “Eren?” His mom’s voice, coming from the doorway. His heart beats so loudly that he didn’t hear her come up the stairs. He wants to crawl into a hole and vanish.

  He wants people to stop calling out to him, stop saying his name, and just leave him alone, to let him be. He wants people to stop looking at him, stop watching him, just stop it all.

  His mother’s touch on his lower back is the final push he needs, the final straw for his broken mind. He cries an excruciating, full-body sob that sends ripples over the muscles in his back and through his stomach, threatening to send up vomit with it.

  “Oh honey...” his mother pleads the words, pulling Eren close into a tight hug on his bed. “You’ll be okay, it’s alright.”

  But it won’t be okay—nothing is okay—because Eren sees a piece of paper on his desk, a faint crease just barely visible—the piece of paper that was in the window frame this morning.

  ARK Volume 1 has over 150+ Chapters in backlog, and we will be releasing daily for the first two weeks (or longer if we get lucky and manage to hit main RS!) After the first two weeks/the end of a miraculous RS run we will transition to 3/days a week for chapters, posting Monday-Wednesday-Friday at 4:30pm UTC

  See you tomorrow!