Chapter 281

  Moon Lake (VII)

  Laugh, you bastard! If you wanna laugh so badly, then just laugh!

  You and those friends of yours!

  That damned chatterbox looked like he was about to lose it--not unlike Long Tao and Lao Shun, who bothered even less to pretend--all while Xing Feng kept looking at me with this renewed sense of purpose.

  ... it's not that bad anymore, you guys! Honestly! I mean, yes, the strong stench can still make me queasy, and an occasional extra-disemboweled body does make me wince, but I'm perfectly capable of watching an assortment of kids kill an assortment of adults well at ease!

  Wait.

  Maybe I shouldn't be? Ugh, whatever.

  I'm angry.

  No, seriously.

  I'm so angry right now.

  I expected the kids to struggle a bit, even proudly proclaimed that they needed whetstones, but what the hell was this? They beat them in literally 30 seconds. I never beat it in freakin' 30 seconds!

  Hmm.

  Moving on.

  The only target that I can lash out on is this whimpering, sniveling bastard, who is still talking about his daddy as a threat, who seemed really assured just a minute ago that he was gonna kick ass and take names, and who was sure as hell taking his sweet time chewing this scenery.

  I'm always kind of delighted when I meet what (in my head at least) are 'classic' cultivators: the pompous, arrogant, self-centered assholes that can't see an inch past their own stench. It's like restoring a balance to a world that only really exists in my head.

  "Everyone, shut up!" As Dai Xiu kept 'instructing' Xing Feng over my malaise, and as that thing on the floor kept begging / threatening, and as Long Tao started snickering, I growled out rather loudly, seeming to startle them. Guilt stormed through me for a moment, but I endured it. "Alright. Somebody go clean up the bodies."

  "Ah! Master, we are so sorry! We got completely sidetracked!" Hm? Hey. I feel a misunderstanding arising here. "Quick, clean up the mess! Master will pass out!"

  ... damn you, Dai Xiu! Damn your good intentions!!!

  The kids quickly scattered out to clean, including Rayce and Xing Feng, leaving behind Long Tao, Lao Shun, me, and those three--no, wait, those three bastards are helping clean up as well!

  Goddammit.

  "Y-You will pay--"

  "--oh, for the love of God, shut the hell up already," I interrupted. "Pay this, pay that. Did you ever learn another damn word or what? Is the only sound your head makes that of howling as the wind screeches through the empty space between your ears, huh? Can you not even remotely comprehend your current situation? All your companions--or, well, whatever they were to you--they are dead. Slaughtered. Do we look even remotely like we know who the hell you or your daddy are? Noooooo. So why, please tell me, why on earth would you threaten us with something we don't even know about?"

  Stolen story; please report.

  "..."

  "Thank you for shutting up, at least." I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose while Long Tao and Lao Shun looked at me rather strangely. "You, the smirking cauldron licker. Do you know who he is?"

  "I've never licked cauldrons--no, wait, I did, once. But it was to impress this lovely young maiden that I had tenderly fallen in love with... and you don't seem to particularly care. Yes, I know who he is."

  "... and?"

  "He's the first son of the Elder Luang of the Hundred Flowers Sect. He told us." Wow. What a shit-stained grin of pride.

  "Right. He indeed is. Haah. I'll go get some rest. Just... sort this out, please."

  I retreated, wondering what kind of a hornet's nest we have kicked up this time around. I mean, I know that 'Hundred Flowers Sect' sounds gentle, but it's likely just some ultra-high-end poison sect that has a billion different ways to kill you painfully. And, whether we let that thing over there live or if we kill it, they'll be coming after us.

  But at the same time... I was also kind of expectant of it. I mean, the kids really did steamroll them, didn't they? And judging from Wei's expression, it was likely something he'd never experienced before in his life.

  While the forest challenged them, the truth was that it challenged them in not exactly the most conducive way; it forced them to fight while spent and to fight while hurt, and while those lessons were absolutely necessary, they were lessons in survival more so than they were in fighting.

  Most competitions and fights between cultivators, as far as I understand it, at least, happened in a more 'official' setting, where both parties were at the peak of their strength. And it was kind of difficult to find 'perfect' opponents for the kids.

  They're far too strong for their peers, it feels, but also still far too weak for more experienced cultivators.

  Haah.

  It's quite a headache, really.

  "Lu, I found something," Lao's voice dragged me back from my brief rest--and was it ever brief, as it didn't even last a full minute.

  "What?" I walked over, feeling rather grumpy.

  "This guy gave me a map of some treasures nearby to spare his life."

  "Hm."

  "..."

  "He's dead, though." I pointed at the very much not alive body of what's-his-face.

  "Oh. Oops. I thought I handed him a healing pill... I must have given him the wrong one. Oh, the heavens! This is truly awful!"

  "... aren't you an Alchemist?"

  "Of course."

  "An Alchemist who mistook a healing pill for a pill that kills somebody?"

  "... it happens."

  "..."

  Wow.

  They're all nuts.

  Absolutely, unequivocally, nuts.

  "E-eh? What's happening to him?!" I asked as I watched the body slowly melt and meld into the dirt, disappearing at a terrifying pace.

  "Oh my!" Oh God, no. "I must have accidentally fed him the pill that breaks down the body to its tiniest aspects and completely assimilates it with its surroundings, thus leaving no trace behind whatsoever. What a mistake I made; now his loved ones will never know what happened to him."

  The worst part?

  He was saying all this crap with a straight face. Honestly, with those rugged, handsome looks, he could have made it as a movie star. Not a good one, mind you, but a 'star' of those C-level action flicks where the point is that the main guy wins everything and looks cool doing it.

  Awful, awful actor, obviously. But he's got the stupid voice down pat, I must say.

  "... whatever," I shrugged. What else was I to do? Pry open the truth that he did it deliberately? Of course he did it deliberately!! I'm pretty sure the very dirt that guy became assimilated into knew that he did it deliberately, and the dirt isn't even sentient, for crying out loud! Whatever. "Map of treasures, you said? What kind of treasures?"

  "Ho ho ho," he laughed, stroking his chin as he pulled up the piece of paper. "Really bad ones, which makes me wonder whether this guy even knew what the word 'treasure' meant."

  ... I should retire.

  Somewhere up in the mountains.

  Live among the wolves and such.

  It'd probably be less of a pain in the ass, I swear.