"Achievements are things now? Do they do anything except sit on my character sheet looking pretty?" I sent the question to my trusty companion as we walked these cursed halls.

  She just repeated the achievement prompt, which I'll take as a solid maybe. Honestly, it would require an infusion of experience points or some other energy source to power an achievement, boon or title.

  "Maybe set up an Achievement Project to make titles, achievements and boons." I suggested the project, and it was slotted for development.

  It could work if I could tap into an energy source. Perhaps with some care we could connect to the Grimgard system and siphon off some juice. Cover it in a title or achievement subroutine; could be a total stealth operation.

  Thoughts for another time, so best to add it to the to-do list. I had bigger issues to deal with. A madman designed this bloody maze of a temple. We turned a corner, and it led to another gloomy hallway. Except this one had creepy-looking doors layered on it.

  The other side hallway was just pitch black. Not really keen on travelling in the dark, so I chose the hall of doors. As I passed by several of them, three things became clear.

  Whoever made these exquisite works had seriously diverse tastes. We had the typical I'm a dark lord, I'm so extra kind of doors. Two knockers with gargoyles perched atop them, rusted handles. Like they were going to claw anyone who dared knock.

  Other doors were simple wooden constructs with no thought to decoration. Another had a mural depicting robed men sacrificing a naked woman on an altar. Not sure why it was necessary to strip her before shanking her. But who am I to judge others' proclivities?

  No, wait, I can totally judge, for I am a saint of great virtue and goodness. These heathens disgust me and my ilk of the light. Okay, who am I kidding? I'm a sinner through and through.

  Technically, since I rebelled against the home office, that would technically mean I rebelled against the gods themselves. With that idea dropping onto my head like a sack of bricks. A considerable amount of fear set the hairs on my body to stand in salute.

  I also fell to this mortal world from the heavens. But no one cast me out, so I can't say I am exactly like Lucifer. But I could draw comparisons to rebellious angels, maybe one of the low-tier grunts that booked it.

  "I'm just going to ignore that for now." I said aloud, hoping my will could make reality.

  I noticed that something had damaged some doors. Like someone went to town on them with an axe. Except they seemed relatively intact despite the numerous impacts made by something narrow and sharp.

  Perhaps it was the supposed adventurers who were plundering the depths of this treasure trove of death. Regardless of their intentions, they clearly didn't have anyone who could open these doors for looting.

  As expected, I tried each door and found them thoroughly locked. All the damage made sense. They had someone who preferred the direct approach to opening doors, for example, the hatchet-man way. Hit it enough and it will not only open, but never close.

  It was a tried-and-true method. Sadly, this place seemed Uber magical, and the hatchet man could not prevail over the powers of the dark lord of the evil doors.

  After trying around ten different doors, I nearly gave up as number eleven's doorknob felt way looser than the rest. Before charging in half-cocked, I inspected the door the mundane way.

  It was underwhelming, just a weird red door made of some wood. The handle was metal, but oddly polished to a shine. The chips in the wood suggested that the hatchet man had tried to get through. Perhaps he neglected to try simply opening it.

  Deciding to go a different route, I turned the doorknob and entered the room without a fuss. Yes, I went for the direct approach since I didn't have X-ray vision. Unless of course I could make X-ray vision? That could be possible, although it sounds really complicated.

  "Once more into the breach." I quoted, giving Jeremy a look before coming all the way into the room.

  The room was. How can I describe this place? Think of a dark lord's laboratory with a Gothic theme. To the left looked like an arcane crafting table with many devices beyond me. Magic was not my thing. I'm just built different but not in a good way for magic.

  Further in was a leisure room, couch, desks and a fireplace. Perfect for an evil dark lord to relax after torturing sacrifices and experimenting on eldritch abominations. The open metal cage in the corner suggested dark or perhaps kinky proclivities of the former resident.

  To the right was a modest bookshelf occupied by a variety of books. Hopefully, they held wisdom I could comprehend. Above the bookshelf were three perches, and set upon them were scary-looking gargoyles. Hopefully, they were just decorative, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

  "Hey Jer, if any of those move, hiss like the belly rub went on for too long." I suggested as Jeremy was eyeing the Gargoyles warily.

  Now, the feline could just adore the well-crafted decoration. Or he could sense danger from the possible stone monsters. Especially since they glow with the power of the system. Far brighter than the Blood Golems. What that suggested, I had no clue.

  Did it mean they were sapient beings just playing stone statue? Does the brighter glow mean they have a more sophisticated system interface or just that they were powerful beings? Regardless of the truth, I would find out eventually, because they were guards of sorts. They would make themselves known, eventually.

  The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

  In the meantime, I had a new place to explore, and weapons to get ready. Machete in hand, my character resources are full up and my skills are ready for use. Whenever they attacked, I would be ready. Or I can just make a run for it through the door and escape. The moment I thought of that, the door closed on its own with a dull thud and the sound of a million locks clicking into place.

  "Yep, this was a trap." I declared with absolute confidence, supported even more with the recognisable feline hissing.

  Weapon drawn, I turned back to the gargoyles, noticing they were still stationary. The only difference was the subtle change in the skin colour. Instead of light gray, it was much darker and richer. It looked less like stone and more like leathery skin. These things weren't truly statues; they were more like stationary monsters.

  The appearance of one of them breathing solidified this as a big-time possibility. It was not to noticeable, but lingering over the gargoyle on the far right, it became more and more noticeable every second.

  "You know I can see you breathing." I blurted out with no thought to strategy.

  By the gaming gods, I'm an idiot. Habits like that will get me killed. Regardless of how I chastised the rookie move, it didn't change the fact that two of the statues all turned to their third companion.

  "You moron!" The gargoyle in the centre yelled.

  Well, at least I was not alone in my idiocy. Stay strong, third gargoyle. It gets better, trust me. Briefly, I thought of fleeing while the three chatted, but where would I go? I could try to go all machete on the door, but that didn't work out well for the other guy. So I sat tight and perhaps talked my way out of this.

  "You couldn't hold your breath for a single depetrification."

  "Come on Gravok, it's hard to hold your breath right out of petrification. Your lungs come back online suddenly." The third gargoyle protested.

  "That is no excuse. You must hold your breath right at the point the depetrification process completes. We have taught you many times before."

  The silent gargoyle on the far left just nodded, agreeing with whatever the centre one was saying. To be honest, they seemed to gang up on the poor kid, and I couldn't help but come to his defence.

  "In his defence, it was really tricky to spot. I just have good eyesight." I lied, as it was super obvious.

  "Silence invader, we will get to you once our brethren has learned his failings."

  Gravok, the leader and centre gargoyle, snapped at me before glancing at the leftmost one. "Watch him." That was all he said as I smiled at the grumpy-looking creature.

  "You must learn from your betters. How else are you going to kill intruders for the Dark Lord?"

  "Woah dude, does that include me?" I asked, taken aback, but not really that much.

  Gravok turned to me, casually dismissing his supposed lesser. "Yes, you are an intruder. You shall die for the greatest crime of all!"

  "And what is my crime?" I questioned, a little indignant.

  "The lesser creature doesn't even know his crime. How uncouth! He must be a simpleton." The leftmost gargoyle spoke up. His Grimgardian accent reminded me of high society British.

  Weirdly, I assumed he would have the same gravelly voice as the rest of them. Instead, he or it had a very refined manner of speech. The guy sounded like a high-society asshole who loved to look down on the peasants below. Which makes sense since he was in this lavish room and looking down at the uncouth me.

  "That was uncalled for and not to mention classist." I shot back.

  "Classist, what do the classes have to do with your pathetic attire that just screams poor people?"

  "Okay, now you're just being a dick." I waved my machete over to the first to die if a fight breaks out. Jeremy hissed in solidarity. "You still haven't explained my crime that is apparently worthy of death."

  The three turned to me, eyes wide and mouths agape. As expected, they had terrible fangs protruding from powerful jaws that could crush bone. At least that's what it looked like from this angle.

  "He truly doesn't know, merely proves he is of inferior status." The high and mighty one added.

  "Still not hearing my crime? Do you guys even know, or are you going to continue to insult me?"

  "Fine then, intruder, your crime is thus." Gravok cleared his throat and began. "Dear intruder upon these sacred grounds. You have dirtied these halls with your mere presence and are condemned to death." It explained, clear and concise.

  "Okay, that's just some bullshit." I complained because it indeed was.

  Total dark lord, I order you to kill people that mildly annoy me. Then again, certain countries on earth had a total kill policy for trespassers, so by those standards, they could be justified in whacking me. But they didn't have to be dicks about it.

  "By the dark lord's holy name, this one needs to die." High and mighty proclaimed and after getting a nod from Gravok, he left his perch.

  "Oh, bring it on!" I declared, not completely assured of victory.

  The gargoyle gracefully glided to the ground, unnecessarily flapping his wings dramatically, even though the distance was very short. Looks like this guy was super theatrical, and hopefully I could take advantage of that.

  Landing, he rose to his full height. I'm just going to assume he is male. Since there was something dangling down there just behind his loincloth. I only looked for a second, got to verify these things sometimes. Don't judge me because I doubt you have the moral high ground.

  With his wings outstretched as he towered above me, a malevolent grin plastered upon his face. Ready and willing to smite me, he withdrew a wicked-looking sword from somewhere and brandished the blade.

  "Prepare to die." That was all he said before he lunged.

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