Thing made a series of gestures that reminded me of sign nguage, pointing at me. “Oh, she found you out, did she? Looks like both of my daughters are cunning little geniuses! Come now, mother has so much to teach you!”

  —Looks like I need to teach you a lesson

  I quickly let go of the memory before it could take hold, letting it pass through me and leave naturally. Still carrying me, she stepped out into the hall with swift yet elegant steps. Being held by her felt sometimes like I was gliding along rather than being carried, even as she moved down the stairs. How she didn’t trip with the dress trailing at her feet was beyond me.

  “Since that dull book proved no-good, I’ve decided to teach you vis a vis with my beautiful voice while you sing along! It gives you a chance to voice the words while seeing them with your own eyes! Isn’t it brilliant?”

  She’d taken me to the living room on the first floor, where Lurch was pying a soft sombre tune. Clearing her throat, she walked over to the rge man and knocked on his head with an almost hollow thunk. The song immediately switched to a bright and jumpy song that sounded almost like an old-timey circus with the organ pipes’ billowing.

  To my ears though, my intuition from years of bad luck screaming in harmony with it to create a funeral’s death march.

  “A is for Apocalypse when the world comes to an end~” she brought our faces to a painting on the wall depicting a ruined city.

  “B is for the blood that helps skin and sinnew mend~” she sliced her hand without hesitation and brought it in front of our eyes, frowning when I flinched away.

  A firm hand snatched me away, my heart jumping in my chest as a throaty voice rang out “And C is cooking, when you want a hearty meal!”

  With bulging eyes, he picked up a scorpion and crunched on it before holding another out to me. Thinking quickly, I snatched its tail before it could sting me, but the pinchers tched on anyway.

  Ow, fuck!

  And here the misfortune begins. At least now, I won’t be able to forget the alphabet for the rest of my life.

  “D is for deadly nightshade, and its poisonous appeal!”

  I kicked out of Fester’s hands to dodge as grandmama, who had brought him the scorpions snacks, knocked it over in her attempt to dance.

  “E is for embers, that flicker off a fire~” I ducked away from burning soot that fell from a fming torch on the wall.

  “And F is for the firepce where the embers crackle in a choir~” I tripped on a bump in the rug and fell face first in front of the burning logs, rolling away to the side as a rge chip burst out with a trail of sparks right where I’d been.

  Gomez walked down the stairs as Lurch trailed into a bridge, smiling with a questioning gaze. “Tish, my my, what is all this?” She walked over with rhythmic steps, pced me down and expined while holding my hands for the dance, “Why I’m teaching our daughters the alphabet of course. Especially Friday here, who was so eager that she showed up for the first time in days!”

  “Really, now? Then I better make sure I don’t fall behind!”

  “Come on, please Wednesday? This will hurt for both of us.”

  “…no.”

  But I already knew the answer. As active as Wednesday could be, she was always drained by commotions and parties. She was retreating into our mind as deep as she could go without falling asleep.

  Gomez reached down, and Morticia passed my hands to him as he opened his mouth to let out a deep baritone note.

  “Geeeniuus is the word for brilliant minds like you.” He spun and lifted me up to see a pig’s brain cooked on the table. “And hatred is the emotion when you see a sky so blue.”

  He held me out the window tilting me to face the sunny skies. A shadow passed overhead, and I quickly grabbed the fanned leaf from a tree next to me, and pulled it to shield my body from the sptter of bird poop. Some got on my fingers, so I wiped it on Gomez’s hand as he pulled me back inside, running over to the kitchen.

  “Ice is the frozen water used to preserve the prey we sy, while jail is the cage that locks the damned away,” I grabbed the ice pack he showed me from the freezer and smacked it into the beak of the leftover-disposal pet vulture when it tried to nip at me.

  Grandmama them snatched me away and sat me on the kitchen counter, right next to her cutting board, “And if you want a healthy breakfast, you have to eat your greens. A good trio to start with, is kale, el-em-n, and peas!”

  ““““kale, El-em-N, and peas!,

  Kale, el-em-n, and Peas!,

  If you want a healthy breakfast, it’s Kale, El-em-n, and Peas!””””

  Gomez, Morticia, and Fester joined her to form a quartet as she diced the veggies and fruit to pieces. I shielded my eyes from a stray squirt of lemon juice and tried to hop down and run away.

  “Queue your curiosity, we’ll quickly quell all of your questions.” Gomez grabbed my hand and tossed knives with the other.

  “Until the both of you are ready to read, repeat, and remember!” Fester caught my other hand so I couldn’t pry away and juggled the knives with his brother, me caught in between.

  “Es-pecially see to it that you sing it from the soul!” Grandmama dumped in the ingredients and waved a spoon, conducting Thing who stirred the cauldron.

  “We‘ll teach you the Addam’s Alphabet till you become exceptional and wise, and when you sing along you’ll roll your eyes and say,” Morticia tossed meat to her carnivorous pitcher pnt and cpped as it bubbled with guttural noises in tune.

  ““““That,

  Was,

  Ea—syyyyyy!!!””””

  While the music rang out it’s final melody, the bubbling pnt popped and a chunk of meat flew into the cauldron. Thing, avoiding the projectile, knocked over the whole thing, pouring the soup onto the floor in a wave. I jumped up, tugging the arms of the brothers to stay afloat, but they lost bance as they tried to adjust to the weight with the slippery floor. All three of us nded on our backs, and the knives curved up in the air. No time to dodge, I reached out with my leg and pulled out the drawer above my head, and tightly shut my eyes.

  Thump-thump-thump~!

  As if on beat with Lurch as he wrapped up the song, three wooden slices rang out in my ears. Pressing against the floor as if hoping to phase through it, I slowly opened my eyelids… and saw a knife penetrating the floorboard of the drawer, dangling an inch above my forehead.

  The st thing I felt before passing out in relief was a giddy excitement from Wednesday.