A dull ache pulsed in his temples as he sat up slowly from the large bed he found himself in; his movements felt better than ever, and he felt extremely refreshed.
However, he found himself in an unfamiliar room; its walls were carved from dark stone, pulsating faintly with crimson veins of light.
The air was heavy, carrying the faint scent of ash and something unfamiliar, he has never smell this scent before, what is he wondered.
However as his senses sharpened, fragments of memory clawed their way back into his mind, the accident, his erotic encounter, and the taste of Kaly’s milk in his mouth as the last memory he had.
But as he pieced it together, he noticed something odd.
The sound of his breathing… it wasn't right. Or rather, it wasn't there. It was as if he had lost the need to even breathe.
"What… happened?"
He muttered aloud but froze.
The words echoed unnaturally, reverberating in the room with a distorted, otherworldly timbre. His voice was unrecognizable...deeper, layered with a dissonant harmony that seemed to speak in unison with him. It was wrong and out of place in every conceivable way.
His heart thundered in his chest, but as he moved to clutch it, his hand...no, not his hand, came into view, and that when he saw something that was not there to begin with, his hand did not look like this.
Blackness.
A swirling, shifting mass of pure darkness where flesh should have been. His fingers were long and jagged, tapering into claw-like tips that seemed to waver and distort as if made of living black smoke of the purest darkness of the void itself. He stared, uncomprehending, and slowly moved his other hand into view.
The same.
Panic set in as he flung the blankets off, desperate to see the rest of himself. His legs were no longer legs at all. His thighs tapered into powerful, sinewy forms made from what seems to be the darkness as his hands, that ended in goat-like hooves, their ebony surface gleaming faintly with a fiery sheen.
His skin...or whatever passed for it now, was a shifting coat of darkness, with flickers of crimson and purple glowing like embers beneath the surface, creating an illusion of something alive and burning.
"No. No. No. No… nnnnoooooOOOOO!!!"
His own voice interrupted him again, the horrific echo sending shivers down his spine. His breaths came in ragged gasps as his eyes darted around the room, searching for anything to make sense of what he was seeing. That was when he spotted it...a tall, cracked mirror leaning against the far wall.
Compelled by equal parts dread and morbid curiosity, he stumbled toward it, his hooves clicking against the cold wooden floor. Each step felt foreign, unnatural, and as heavy as it was loud.
Leaving behind a beautiful yet horrific violet fire, burning deep into the ground.
TAP!!… TAP!!… TAP!!
As he walked, it felt as if his body was no longer his own. When he reached the mirror, he stopped, too afraid to look… but the pull was irresistible. Slowly, he raised his gaze.
And his eyes open not one but all of them in pure utter shock.
What stared back at him, however, was not human but rather a humanoid looking nightmare.
His once-fiery red hair was gone, replaced by thick and long writhing tendrils of shadow that moved of their own accord, twisting and curling like living creatures.
His face was no longer his; it was a void, he had no faceless features either, well almost none, as it was punctuated by two glowing eyes of horrific crimson that seemed to peer into the soul.
But it wasn't just two eyes. As he looked closer, he saw more, dozens, maybe hundreds, of smaller, flickering red eyes traversing his form, peering out from his arms, his torso, even his legs, everywhere basically, as if there where living creatures swing in a sea of darkness that was his body.
And as he looked down, he saw his inhumane cock, pure black and thick as a lower arm, or better yet, a horse-like dick, only more muscular and inhuman.
Although like a horse he felt like he could retract it at will. He was about seven feet tall, nearing eight, and the head of his dick glowed crimson, as that the only miscolored thing here.
But even with these massive upgrades, he couldn't accept it right away.
"No… This… this isn't real!"
He shouted, gripping the edges of the mirror.
The reflection followed his movements perfectly, mocking him with its grotesque symmetry. His claws left deep scratches in the frame as he trembled, his breath coming out in shallow gasps.
His reaction was one of terror more than anger.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?"
He asked, strangely he can finally sense Kaly presence, as she was hiding.
And the moment he asked that, he suddenly felt the touch of another as something grabbed him from behind and whispered to him.
"Oh, my beloved, you look so cute when you're scared."
Nier's eyes went to the figure; he knew whose voice it belonged to, but the form that greeted him was not as human as it was before.
Nier's eyes widened in horror as he turned to find Kaly standing behind him completely different from before, her form now more monstrous than ever.
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Her skin was a shimmering coat of black—not the chocolate brown he had come to know before; it was like polished obsidian or shined out coal, pure black covering her body.
Her once-human eyes were now more monstrous, deeper crimson with a nocturnal glow, four in total, each one burning with malevolent hunger.
Her form was much taller and more reform, it was still humanoid of course, but that is only because of the level perspective being played here.
A human would look human to another human but what if a human looked at a 4-D object, how would that look to them?
The answer was simple, as that was the case being played here, if two 4-D things look at each other, they would just look normal to each other, but if a human would gaze upon them there sanity would collapse as they can't grasp the true form of said objects, like the two objects can with one another.
For that reason Nier saw Kaly for what she finally was.
Her breasts were even larger, and way more firmer, like heavy orbs that hung from her chest, with smiling mouths where nipples should have been, complete with their own teeth and tongues.
Those pairs of hard, long, and flexible black tongues licked at his back hungrily from behind.
It was similar to the monstrous appearance he had seen in reality, minus the glitching, of course.
Here she seemed stable.
Her body was sleek and muscular, covered in black fur that shimmered with an unnatural aura. Her tail, now a long like a serpent, just blacker, with fur-like mantle that was still heart shaped, and it coiled around his waist, its tip brushing and rubbing up against his enlarged member.
Her horns were even larger and golden in color just like her hooves, as they curled inward many times like a mighty pair of ram horns.
Her face, more goat-like, was vastly more inhuman than before; she looked more like an animal or a humanoid anomaly.
Her slender arms, four of them wrapped around him, moving up his chest, muscular like stone statues made from darkness, holding him with an unsettling tenderness.
Her crimson eyes peered into him with an unquantifiable amount of love, yet it only deepened the dread within him.
Nier trembled uncontrollably, not just from fear but from an overwhelming sense of something far larger than himself.
Maybe it was because of his new form, but he was now showing levels of otherworldly senses he hadn't had as a human.
He hadn't noticed it before, but now the difference in power between them was undeniable. It was as if the very air around him shifted, suffocating in its vastness. To describe it was almost impossible, but he could clearly see the power difference and just how powerful Kaly truly was.
It felt like being a drop of water in an ocean… No. No. NOOO!! It was far more than that. It was as if the ocean itself stretched endlessly in every direction, and he was nothing more than a speck of dust caught in its tide.
In that moment, Nier's very existence seemed to realize its place in the world.
Her presence wasn't just superior; it was absolute, inescapable. It was as if, in comparison, he was no longer a man but something far smaller, far less significant.
Like a bug beneath the heel of a titan… no, even that was too grand. He felt as if he were a germ, utterly inconsequential, powerless, swallowed whole by something unfathomable.
And yet, despite the gnawing questions that plagued him, he couldn't understand why this was happening. Well, he thought he knew why, but she had rejected that answer, leaving him more lost than before.
Still, this higher being, this unimaginable force, held him in her arms, cradling him with a tenderness that seemed completely out of place.
Why?
He couldn't begin to fathom it.
Why was she so obsessed with him? He didn't dare ask, not when everything about her presence filled him with such a suffocating sense of dread.
His pride as a man was wounded, humiliated by how insignificant he felt and the fact that he couldn't do anything about it.
But then again, what was pride worth when faced with something so overwhelmingly powerful, so incomprehensible, and, worst of all so close to him that the concept of running away no longer existed in his dictionary?
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He wasn't even a speck compared to her. In the face of her unyielding power, what was the point of his pride? What was the point of anything? And yet, despite the terror, one thought bled through.
'What is this crazy bitch's deal anyway?'
Nier struggled futilely, but Kaly's hold was unbreakable. She pulled him closer, her lips brushing against his neck, leaving a trail of burning kisses as she spoke.
"Ohhh, come on, if you start thinking like that, you're going to make me feel bad. So why don't you ease up a little… will ya, my beloved? Besides… your new life as my herald only gets better from here on out."
Nier didn't know how to respond, but he tried to temper his anger and frustration.
He knew it was pointless; there was no concept of reasoning with someone, or something like her.
Not in the usual sense, at least.
It was clear she had the upper hand here.
Still, he took a deep imaginary breath, trying to calm himself, and made an effort to regain control of the conversation.
"…S-say…
Nier mumbled a bit and continued speaking despite his fear.
"You… you're Kaly, right? The woman who… gave me that strange handjob?"
The goat-like creature smiled, revealing sharp, shark-like teeth as she pulled him closer, her embrace tightening. She responded, her voice dripping with confidence.
"That’s right, babe. I am the only one who can make you feel like that. Hehehe… so did you enjoy it? If you don't, I can give you another one of my handies, and I have three more to spare...two for your balls, one for your shaft, and the other for your head. The last one was connected to a succubus dream; this time I can make an entire dimension of wonders just to play with your mighty cock. If you so please, just say the word and I can make all your depraved fantasies come true."
Kaly said while licking her lips.
Nier really didn't like the way she did things. She had definitely forced him into uncomfortable positions and taken advantage of him.
But he would be lying if he said he hadn't enjoyed that strange, almost surreal experience.
Though he didn't understand how a handjob could somehow be connected to a succubus dream, was something like that even possible?
He had busted a much-needed nut, and whatever the fuck she did had gotten him off, so a win was a win either way.
After all, the last time he had one of those was the first time he got group-raped by a bunch of yandere emo girls back in high school, before killing them a week later.
But Kaly's method had felt extremely good despite the oddness of it, and he felt his pride as a man had been tarnished even more than it already was, because he admitted to have enjoyed it.
And with his curse, it had been impossible to get close to women in general. He often had to kill anyone who fell in love with him to spare them, and himself from the inevitable trouble.
But now the roles were reversed. You couldn't kill something that was far stronger than you. As such, he knew he had to play a different game if he wanted to survive.
So he started with this.
"Ahhh, yeah… you"re very skilled. To be honest, I am surprised I'm even alive. With that much pleasure coursing through me, I honestly thought I was going to die. But aside from that, can I ask a few questions? I feel like you owe me that much at least, since you basically turned me into… well, whatever this is."
Kaly just looked at Nier, her hug getting even tighter as her soft breasts squished against him, and she said.
"Hmmm… of course, go ahead, my herald… ask away. Mommy will answer what she can."
'Great, she agreed. Finally I can start making sense of this insane situation.'
Nier said to himself as he began to ask away.
"Ok, so first things first… am I dead?"
This was a very important question.
His last memory of reality was getting into a very bad car accident before he fell off the cliff on the old highway on his way home from work, so he needed to know if he was dead or not.
Kaly, of course, just smiled as she responded.
"Hmm… well, yes and no. Your body is undeniably dead. The crash took you, there is no mistaking it. But that was essential. I needed your death to happen. Only spiritual or abstract things can exist in this realm, after all."
"…This realm."
Nier questioned. Then he continued.
"So is this hell or…
"No, darling. This place is called the Immaterial Sphere. It is simply another plane of existence, lying outside all physical and all imaginary locations. Yet, to reduce the unthinkable to something your mind might bear, you can look at this place as the outside of the outside. Here, everything that defines anything cannot exist, for nothing may be defined."
"There is only Us, the Outer Gods, and the creation we have spawned our Apostle. But to your tender human mind, you may simply regard the Immaterial Sphere as the dwelling-place of Us, the Outer Gods."
Kaly said as she explained to her beloved Nier, his current situation and where he was currently at.
Naturally, this was a lot to take in, but what he got from it was that he was far from home, and worse of all, he was dead.
But he listened to her nonetheless.
"Normally, when a soul departs, it returns to this realm, but only in a form that aligns with its particular attributes. If you were bound to a belief, a religion, or even a faith, your soul would follow those constructs back into their respective afterlives, and not here typically speaking, there is basically infinite of them out there in different worlds."
"But not you, your a bit special, even in the cases where one can reach here."
Kaly said as she continued.
"Those without such ties, those like you, return here, you see under one condition. This place isn't a mere afterlife like the ones in your world, but it does act as one, so yeah, that is where you are. Because every soul that enters here is stripped of its identity, its history, and its form until it is only a blank substance, a shell awaiting reincarnation, in layman terms only a non-believer or a religion can come here after death, as there souls have nowhere to go."
"Well, unless you're something like me, my sisters, and other family members, kind of like you."
Kaly explained to Nier, but it was what she said next that truly scared him.
"But in your case, your soul didn't follow the usual path. After your death, I reached into your world personally and drew your soul into my part of the Immaterial Sphere...my prison, my territory, the one thing that I possess and control in a way that no one else can, yet I cannot leave due to my seal."
Kaly said, ending with,
"So do you understand, or do you need me to re-explain it, but simpler?"
Nier at this time just shook his head as he replied.
"No need to explain. I get it. I'm dead, and you brought me here. Now, for my next question."
Nier said as Kaly continued to rub his chest, her tail stroking his cock playfully, stimulating it in a loving manner.
It wasn't getting hard.
Rather, the way she did it offered him a calming comfort akin to a massage to ease tension. But that aside, Nier just let it be as he continued with his questions.
"Okay, so you said I was dead, and this is a place where only spiritual or abstract things can exist, right? So tell me, this form that I am currently seeing, is it my soul? If so, why did you turn me into this thing? And why are you so obsessed with me? Earlier, I could recall you saying that you were watching me from the day I was born, right? You seem to know my family's condition. If so, did you play a part in our family's suffering? If it is yes, then why?"
Kaly’s smile remained unchanged, her amusement evident as a soft, loving chuckle escaped her lips.
"Kihihihih!!… First of all, my beloved, you've disguised seven questions in one, but I'll answer them all nonetheless."
Kaly said to Nier as she continued.
"First and foremost, yes, by your mortal standards, you are dead. Your soul has long departed from your body like is said before, so yes that is your soul."
"Secondly, yes again only abstract things can exist here, nothing bound by the limits of the physical."
But what she said next shocked him, as he finally found out what he had become.
"Now, thirdly, the soul itself… it is often described as the true form of one's being, the essence that transcends the physical. It is the most abstract presentation of ones own truth of self-existence. When you drank my milk, I sired you into my race. You're not simply a normal soul now; you are something far more… how do I say this… hmmm… let's just say you're something very primordial. You're a lesser version of me or maybe me, but still, you are not merely a soul, you're an idea. What you're looking at in this mirror is a representation of that idea, your true self, in its most rawest and honest form. You can say when you looked at yourself your just looking at me as well, if that makes sense it hard to explain our connection."
"You see, I am a being cast into the unknown by humanity, as a fear they cannot truly grasp. I embody fertility, but not just in its nurturing form, no, I represent its most negative, unknown aspects, the very essence of corruption around the very idea and all its branches. Below and above, I alone stand as the Mother of all that is born naturally through procreation and love."
"Most Outer Gods like myself are embodiments of chaos, or just lesser chaos ourselves, the all-encompassing featureless force of existence that corrupts and dismantles all formality. But since we are usually beyond the physical world and their functions as unknown things by human definition, as such we can't enter the physical world as we have no size or place to begin with, a piece of us outclasses everything, as we have no dimensions to grasp or hold us we are what we are. Even the weakest of us can end all of reality as you know it, given if we enter its confines in our true forms, it like an ant getting crush by the universe."
"We are the greatest fears in existence, outside the reach of the human mind, and that is why we remain so incomprehensible to your kind. Was that answer satisfactory."
Just at her mere words, Nier trembled, but he didn't ask any more questions.
"Yes, very much so."
He replied.
And Kaly nodded as Nier wait for her to answer the fourth.
But her next answer completely shocked him.
"And for your fourth question, well, to answer that, let's just say I played a big role in your birth, although my sister played an even bigger role. You were made for me, Nier. You're basically a gift to me out of pity for my station, given to me by my sister in the hope that I would get out of here through you."
"…Butttt… to make a long story short, your mother was obsessed with your dad, but she was also infertile. In desperation, she prayed and prayed, and given the nature of your family's curse, the bloodline would have ended with him. But as fate would have it, she kind of had an affinity for me."
Kaly explained as she continued.
"So, I was going to screw over my younger sister through a family she ruined as a result of her childish herald that destroyed the Featherburn family's normality. But either way, your mom made a deal with me, and in return for her giving birth to a healthy child, she had to offer that childs soul to me. In return, your mother gave birth to something I own…which is you. That is why I said you have the greatest affinity to me."
"But like most constructions, you needed refinement. As such, I also scheduled a ritual that would have allowed you to strengthen your soul. Every morning at 3 AM, your mother had to offer me the sacrifice of five virgins under the age of twenty, eat their hearts, and offer me their wounds and souls so I can quickly gain power to make you my perfect and most precious creation."
"During that period of time, she was even able to alter her breast milk through another ritual she learned from me, which strengthened your soul just enough. Over time, your soul began to strengthen even more, which is why you could handle my presence, much less even exist here as a new entity an Apostle or and Outer God. Typically, your soul would have collapsed under madness, but the ritual also strengthened our affinity. Now, you are my greatest weapon and the very embodiment of my one and only hope."
"Www-wHAT?!"
Nier's voice trembled, a mix of disbelief and anger bubbling up inside him. He didn't want to accept it, but with how powerful Kaly was, it didn't feel as impossible as it should have. Still, the words slipped out before he could stop them.
"I see… it makes sense now… My mother always said she was sorry for what my future would hold, but her love for my father came first. She said if I were anything like her, I would understand. But this… this is just… it's all so messed up. So in the end, I am nothing more than a damn tool, huh?"
"A-A-And now I am dead… hehehe… in the end my life didn't amount to anything but being your plaything, hehehehe… sigh. Don't answer any more questions. Tell me what is going to happen to me now?"
Nier asked.
Truly, anyone would react the way he was currently behaving if their birth was just some grand scheme. However, what he heard next brought back some hope in him.
"Hmm… I'll admit, your birth was mostly the result of my sister and me plotting against my family, but I was desperate, Nier. You have no idea how long I've been trapped here, starved for attention to the point where I've wished for death. Do you know what it takes for an eldritch abomination to crave nothing but oblivion? But then you were born, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I had something that was mine, something that I could look forward to."
Kaly said, a sad look appearing on her face as she continued.
"Ah, Nier, I love you. You don't realize what you have until you've lost everything. I once had it all, everything a depraved being like myself could have ever wanted. In my family's hierarchy, I was ranked the fourth highest but rank up to the third and then we'll it doesn't matter. But one treacherous bitch ruined everything, and because of her, I am stuck here. I have no one, Nier. No one but you."
"Don"t ever mistake my love for something it is not. Yes, you were created as a tool, but I don't want to use you that way. I know what it feels like to despair, to be utterly alone. That is why, out of love for you, I am giving you a choice."
"Help me, and together we can take our revenge on the one who trapped me here and the true mastermind behind your family's curse. Or I can send you back, erasing your memories of me. You won't remember any of this, and your death will never have happened. You'll live a normal life, at least for a while. But it'll only be temporary; your soul will inevitably return here, and your memories will come back. I'm sorry, but this is permanent. I can't undo this part, what is done is done, sadly."
"However, when you're ready, whether now or later, I'll always be here waiting for you. I owe you that much, at least… but one day, you will have to face your destiny, my beloved… But think about it, Nier. Aren't you tired? Your entire life you have been subject to a curse you never wanted. With my help, I can help you turn this curse into a blessing like you never imagined… So what do you say? Can you please help me? I am going as far as begging you… So what is your answer?"
Kaly asked Nier, but she already knew what his response would be.
Nier began to think about it, but the chance of being revived was tempting, so he asked.
"If I say yes, can I be revived regardless?"
"Of course. I will rebuild your entire body from scratch, although your human body can and will not be able to handle the transcendent existence, and sheer scale and power of your current form. You will remember what happen here yes, but it's more like a peace of you will be sent back in that new body, while your true form remains here, although it will be like existing in the moment of both the now here and the then there, but individually separated and eternally connected, from your human perspective you will feel like nothing has changed, however the you here is constantly aware of your mortal vessel, and when your human mind does come back here, it just a peace of you returning to the true you."
Said Kaly, as she explain the process of revival in the best possible way she could.
"I see."
Nier said, to which he asked once more.
"Okay, I will do it… However, you need to fill me in. How do you unseal yourself, and what do I get from this, apart from revenge against Ishtar?"
Kaly smiled as she hugged Nier tighter, her head sinking into his back as she said.
"yeshhhh I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU, THANKS SO MUCH FOR ACCEPTING, YOU WON'T REGRET THIS I PROMISE."
She responded excitedly, as she began to explain.
"I need your help to rebuild my cult, Nier, so I can slowly regain my power, but it has to be done without my sisters finding out. That is why I am making you a part of my aspect, essentially, my main avatar. Through you, all worship and sacrifices will be directed to me. With enough worshipers, I can finally escape this prison."
She explained, grabbing Nier's interest.
"But there is only so much I can do from here. You'll have to start a cult from scratch. As you gather followers, their devotion will create a stable bridge, allowing me to subtly manifest in the material world. Free me, Nier, and I promise you an eternal life of endless and unimaginable pleasures when it is all over. Anything you desire, I will personally grant, no matter how impossible it may be. My body is already yours, but in this world, power is everything."
Kaly said, and in a way, she was right.
"Also, don't worry too much about the truly serious divine details; I'll handle that when the time comes. Your focus should be on building the cult, gaining worshipers, and expanding your influence. And yes, more lovers too, as many as you possibly can. As a fertility goddess, the more children you father, the stronger I become. Any lover you take will also serve as an avatar for me, a flesh suit I can use to interact with the Material World."
"Of course, I won't send you back empty-handed either. As a token of my commitment, I'll grant you an ability, the most powerful one I can give you in my current state. With it, you'll have the tools you need to begin this sacred mission."
Kaly confirmed to Nier. Naturally, Nier asked,
"That being?!"
"I call it Unlimited."
"That sounds overpowered. What does it do?"
Hearing this question, Kaly gave him a devious smile as she began to explain.
"The power of
Kaly said as Nier's many eyes opened up in shock and he replied back saying.
"Holy shit, that is overpowered."
Kaly giggled at his reaction; however, she just continued while saying.
"Hehehe… I knew you were going to say that, but don't get too excited, because there is a twist."
"…Figured, but it is better than something that is not useful."
"Well of course I will give you something useful, my beloved. What kind of wife would I be if I didn't?"
"But either way, listen up. Let me explain how Unlimited works. Your ability is essentially the power to create and wield magic based entirely on your imagination, meaning you can choose to abide by logic or just say fuck you to logic altogether and go the illogical route. If you can conceive it, you can create it. There are no limits to the type of spells, effects, or abilities you can design. You're essentially rewriting reality through sheer force of will. Sounds incredible, right? But here is the thing, creating and using magic doesn't happen for free."
Kaly said as she went on explaining the mechanics behind Unlimited.
"The fuel for this power is
"Here is where it gets tricky, though. While your soul has infinite capacity, meaning you can store as much energy as you want, you don't start with infinite energy. At first, your absorption rate is slow, like trying to fill an ocean with a leaky faucet."
"You'll have to be careful about how much energy you use since it takes time to replenish. But as you use your powers, your ability to absorb energy will improve. Over time, you'll go from collecting small fragments to pulling in massive waves of energy. Eventually, you'll become a natural conduit, drawing in negative energy passively and effortlessly."
Kaly explained.
This, of course, shocked Nier, but he listened, given this was going to be his new power, and his new way of life.
"However, absorbing negative energy isn't just about the fuel; it comes with a side effect. Every time you absorb negative energy, you also absorb the memories tied to it. Think of it as inheriting the pain, despair, or anguish from wherever that energy came from. These memories will flood your mind, and while I've made you resistant to insanity, you're not completely immune once in human form. If you take in too much too fast, the sheer weight of those experiences could overwhelm you."
"Now, let us talk about limitations and strengths. While you can create any magic you imagine, the range, potency, and complexity of your creations all depend on how much energy you have and how much you're willing to use. For example, a simple spell like conjuring a flame might cost very little energy, but something massive, like bending time, altering reality, or summoning catastrophic forces, will require enormous amounts of Negativity."
"The good news, though? As you absorb more negative energy, these limitations shrink. Your creations can become more powerful, your reach farther, and your ability to affect the world even greater."
"But this power isn't a free pass; it is a double-edged sword. The more energy you take in, the greater the strain on your mind. The stronger you become, the greater the temptation to push yourself further, risking losing control. So there are a lot of little ups and downs you have to watch out for."
Kaly said, and Nier nodded in agreement.
"This ability is both a gift and a burden. You have infinite potential, sure, but harnessing it will demand patience, discipline, and a strong will. If you can master it, you'll be unstoppable. But if you let the memories or the power itself consume you, it could destroy you from the inside out. So do be careful how you use Unlimited, my beloved."