Then Klemens turned to the crime scene, weaving her hands through the crowd and ushering people away.

  Okay. It’s all good. I’m just an overly-decorated table; that’s why she’s looking. And just my luck! Lena’s come back!

  Lena snuck out of a corner, her face looking like a squirrel as she was in the middle of stuffing her face with a honeyed tart. “I found the private quarter! It’s near the private kitchen!” She talked with her mouth still full. Rob, meanwhile, looked like he’s about ten seconds away from deciding this was someone else’s problem and leaving.

  I have to act. Now.

  Step One: Distract the Investigator.

  I have no means to do so.

  Step One, failed.

  However…

  The investigator crouched down and picked up what appeared to be a tiny scrap of cloth. She took caution to wear an extra glove, held it up to the light, eyes narrowing. “This thing has also been soaked in xanthan gum.”

  Step One, completed.

  Step Two: Alert Rob.

  Rob was looking in Blorbo’s direction, but it didn’t seem like he was looking at him. He was unfocused. Blorbo had to move without looking that suspicious. It was time to employ the new skill he’d learned: Surface Wobble.

  Blorbo activated Surface Wobble.

  And he wiggled. He wiggled, just enough to catch Rob’s eye without alerting anyone else.

  Rob blinked. His tired expression briefly shifted into something resembling recognition.

  Step Two, completed.

  Step Three: Alert Lena.

  Rob turned to Lena and whispered, “Honey. Let’s go to the private quarter.” He pointed toward the far corner. “Let’s just get this done and over with.”

  Well, that was quick.

  Rob walked. Lena, still chewing, nodded. “On my way.” She picked up another tart before following. “My hand’s full. Do you mind carrying it alone for a bit until I finish this tart?”

  “Fine,” Rob exhaled, the longest exhale Blorbo’d ever heard from him. The man made extra steps to make it look like he was struggling a great deal to carry Blorbo, while Lena made extra steps to savor the honey tart more slowly.

  To walk to the private quarter, they had to walk past the noisy crowd around the Lady. Everybody’s focused on them. Just don’t cause a scene and we’ll be good.

  As they walked past, the investigator, Klemens, examined the fabric scrap with increasing suspicion. “A cloth soaked in xanthan gum. Interesting…” She turned the piece over, brows furrowing. “Why would someone—”

  Lena, wiping her mouth, casually strolled past her and accidentally sneezed directly onto the evidence.

  The crowd gasped in unison.

  Klemens froze.

  The cloth dangled limply between her fingers, now slightly damp. A single drop of sneezed-on residue clung precariously to its edge, threatening to fall and forever taint the sanctity of her investigation.

  Lena swallowed. “Uh. Bless me?”

  “You.” Investigator Klemens narrowed her eyes as she pointed at Lena’s face. Blorbo was figuratively shaking right now. This is it. This is where they’re going to seize me forever and throw me into a pit of fire.

  Klemens angrily declared, “Where did you get that pie?! It looks so tasty!”

  Lena blinked. “Huh? The… pie?” she repeated, glancing down at the half-eaten tart still in her hand.

  “Yes! That one! It looks divine.” Klemens stepped forward, eyes locked onto the dessert like a predator spotting prey. “Is that the honeyed tart?”

  Lena, now holding the tart like it was Exhibit A in her own trial, slowly nodded. “Yeah?”

  Klemens gasped. “I knew it! I heard rumors about the royal chef’s secret honey glaze, but I didn’t think I’d see it in person. Tell me—does it melt in your mouth? Is it true that they use imported lavender from the Northern Valleys?”

  This is the easiest interrogation you’ve ever been a part of, Lena. Just stick to the questions and don’t overextend your answers!

  Lena replied, “Uh, yeah! It’s super soft. Like, you bite into it, and it’s just… mmmhm! Bam, instant happiness. And the honey? Wow. It’s so rich, I can tell they used the high-quality ingredients.”

  Klemens nodded eagerly, fully enraptured. “Mhm, mhm. Go on.”

  No; do not go on! There’s a colossal difference between Lena’s level of wisdom before and after her third line of dialogue!

  This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

  Lena, encouraged by the attention, kept talking. “And, like, I think I tasted a hint of vanilla in the crust. Maybe saffron, too?”

  Klemens gasped again, practically vibrating. “Saffron?! No way! You only get saffron from a few farms down south!”

  “Yeah! The first batch I had tasted slightly different, so I think they only started using it halfway through the night—”

  Rob, who had been subtly inching away, stiffened.

  Klemens’ squinted eyes droned into Lena. “…The first batch?”

  Lena nodded, still oblivious. “Yeah, the first time I had one, it didn’t have that extra little kick—”

  Klemens frowned. “But… the tarts were only brought out five minutes ago.”

  There we go…

  Lena’s brain caught up to her mouth. “Oh. Uh.”

  Klemens squinted. “How did you have one before they were brought out?”

  Lena’s survival instincts finally kicked in. “Well, see, uh—what I meant was, uh—”

  Klemens took a step forward. “You’ve been in the kitchens?”

  Lena paled. “Oh, no, I would never—”

  Klemens narrowed her eyes. “Then how did you get a tart before anyone else?”

  Lena opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.

  Blorbo, spiritually, ascended to the afterlife.

  Klemens’ gaze turned ice cold. “You had access to the food before the poisoning.”

  The crowd gasped in unison.

  Behind Lena, Rob had fully committed to the escape plan. He casually lifted Blorbo and kept on inching away.

  Blorbo, his frame wobbling precariously in Rob’s grip, mentally braced for Klemens to call them out. There was no way she hadn’t noticed them.

  Sure enough, her gaze flew over to Rob like an archer on a watchtower. Rob tensed.

  Klemens narrowed her eyes. “…What are you looking at? Carry on.”

  Rob hesitated. Blinked. Then, carefully, as if expecting a trap, carried on.

  Blorbo did not carry on. Blorbo froze in absolute bewilderment. What? He fully expected to be detained alongside Lena! How was she just letting them go?

  And then, it clicked.

  A notification popped up in his vision.

  [The Bystander] Status Effect: Active. Duration: 1 Hour.

  You are just some guy. Just some thing. Just a completely normal, non-suspicious bystander. What a good bystander you are! Look at you, being so unimportant. Nobody cares about you! At least, there is a 30% nobody cares about you. This effect remains until you directly interfere or do something stupid.

  I have never seen Status Effects do anything! Turns out they actually do things.

  Blorbo squinted at the last line.

  Rob carried him toward the private quarter.